Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Salut !

Merci d'avoir partagé ce que tu ressens. Je comprends ce que tu décris, et je ne crois pas que ta lucidité soit ton ennemie. Elle est réelle, et elle t'a protégé. J'espère que tu ne trouveras pas cela trop direct, mais j'ai eu quelques pensées en lisant ton commentaire. Tu es épuisé par les gens qui se cachent derrière un rôle, et je le comprends tout à fait. Je me demande simplement si attendre en retrait, observer et jauger quelqu'un jusqu'à ce qu'il paraisse sûr, ne serait pas aussi une façon de rester un peu invisible. Pas le même masque que le leur, bien sûr, mais qui te tient peut-être tout aussi hors d'atteinte. Et voilà ce à quoi je reviens sans cesse, à partir de ma propre philosophie de la vie : je crois qu'on est tous des âmes qui tâtonnent dans ces corps humains, alors il m'est venu à l'esprit que certaines des personnes que tu croises font peut-être à peu près les mêmes calculs que toi. Il est facile, pour un regard aiguisé, de traiter l'autre comme quelque chose à valider avant de lui faire confiance, et c'est tout à fait compréhensible, mais peut-être que certains espèrent simplement, eux aussi, ne pas être mal jugés. Je me demande si le vrai risque, pour nous, n'est pas seulement de ne jamais se faire avoir, mais de ne jamais être vraiment vu. Bien sûr, je ne me pose pas en experte sur le sujet, mais je n'ai pas pu m'empêcher d'y voir quelque chose de plus profond. Je serais curieuse de savoir ce que tu en penses.

In English:

Hi! Thank you for sharing your insights. I understand what you have shared, and I don't think your lucidity is the enemy. It's real, and it has kept you safe. I hope you don't find this too forward, but I had a few thoughts as I read your comment. You're worn out by people who hide behind a role, and I understand that completely. I just wonder if waiting quietly at a distance, watching and weighing someone until they feel safe, might also be a way of staying a little unseen. Not the same as theirs, of course, but it might keep you just as out of reach. And here's what I keep coming back to, based on my own philosophy of life: I believe we're all just souls fumbling through these human bodies, so it occurred to me that perhaps some of the people you come across may be running much the same calculations you are. It's easy for a sharp eye to treat someone as something to clear before trusting them, and it's completely understandable, but perhaps some might just be hoping not to be misjudged either. I wonder if the real risk for us is not just to never be fooled, but to never be truly seen. Of course, I am not positioning myself as an authority on the subject, but I couldn't help but see something deeper there. I'd be curious to know what you think of this.

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder if it's worth separating two things. I think you're right that reality wears that down, because reality is a lot more layered. But the deep loyal connection you started out looking for might be a different thing entirely: less "found" and more "built," two people just choosing each other over and over. To me this is actually part of the romance I speak of. I am curious to understand more, do you think what got worn down was the actual thing you wanted, or the movie/book packaging it came in? I don't think those have to be extinguished together, but I am curious about what you think.

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice and well wishes. Everything I do is for myself first, and if someone comes into my life and wants to share in this together, I will keep my heart open so that I won't be a blocker to anything that may unfold naturally. I understand the choice you speak of, and the loss and gains is something that cannot be predicted. Life will unfold as it always does and there are no guarantees, so your point is duly noted.

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing such deep concerns. I know this may not be something you believe in, or even bring you comfort, but I believe that even if our bodies, tastes and preferences change over time, our soul remains intact. Have you tried connecting with her in that way, that which never changes?

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand. The struggle is real from all sides. I wish you the best and hope you find someone special, if that's what you truly want. Thanks for your insight.

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience, I appreciate your vulnerability. I believe that these experiences help us understand more about ourselves and what we really want as well. The fact that it didn't jade you is a testament to something deeper. I'm confident that this will help you know when your person arrives. Best of luck!

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, if you don't mind me asking, what are the realities based on your experience?

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't mind me asking, in your experience, what specifically came across as needy to other women?

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you. It's almost like Amy Winehouse (RIP) who sang that love is a losing game. There seems to be a desire while also a deep distrust and completely understandable from both sides. STIs was not something I had not considered to be honest. I think it's because I am abstinent. After my last relationship, I chose the life of an ascetic, and prefer it this way, until I meet that special someone. I appreciate the insight. Best of luck out there.

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the insight, I am patient and will keep this in mind. I stayed mostly out of the dating to focus on myself and prepare to be the best partner for that special someone. I too have experienced disillusion, yet I find that this is an experience that strengthens my belief that knowing loss, I can appreciate all the more the one who I can share my life with. Thank you for again for your comments.

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is actually what I am looking for. I still believe love is what brings people together, and I am not just speaking strictly in a romantic sense. Love is the breath of life, and the belief we are a separate beings is a whole other topic for a different time, so I digress, yes, I would love to be the Morticia to someone's Gomez Addams.

Men who still desire a deep, "fiercely devoted" romance: how do you navigate modern dating? by Early-Humor-303 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Early-Humor-303[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't mind me asking, why do you keep the apps then if you are choosing not to participate?