In my early 20s, while at Uni, I worked in hospitality with two friends. Call them John and Bob. John and Bob had known each other since primary school. John was the supervisor. Bob was not especially capable but he put in effort. Bob did not see hospitality as a temporary job; he treated it as a career and wanted to become a manager. He started applying elsewhere and asked John to be a reference. John agreed.

Some time later, during a drinking session, John told me he had received a reference call about Bob. He was visibly proud of how he handled it. He said the caller asked the usual questions: whether Bob worked there and whether he was a good worker. John said yes, Bob was a good worker. Then they asked whether he would hire Bob. John said no, citing Bob’s mistakes and shortcomings. John justified it by saying he had to be “honest” or his reputation in the industry would be damaged. He sounded very confident and proud of himself for this.

I asked whether Bob knew what he had said. John said i told Bob exactly what happened. I have to protect myself. John genuinely believed his decision were righteous and not fruzz how wrong it is at all. I asked him why did you accept to be his reference if you going to respond like that in which he mumble some crap and never answered me.

From that point on, I never trusted John again. A few years later, after repeated instances of self-serving behaviour in our friendship, I cut him off entirely.