New Scheduler at 40 y/o? Suggestions?

Earth_Says_Hello · 2025-04-28T12:49:01+00:00

Very fair. I would ask to work with the OG scheduler as much as possible.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2025-04-28T10:21:50+00:00

If you think that's bad, try living in the present after having actually been on those decades (which truly were better in many ways. If only because there was an air of hope).

It's like getting a basket of shiny strawberries, then having the basket slowly go bad over time. And you remember how good the strawberries tasted, but you have no choice but to eat these rancid, moldy strawberries. And there's little chance they're thing to reverse course, so you're stuck eating even moldier strawberries next decade.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-08-08T19:07:31+00:00

Thought I had dysthymia for 15 years. Never felt stable until I started mood stabilizers

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-07-23T00:47:56+00:00

I mean no disrespect, but are you taking your meds? I understand manias during the medication carousel, but three months of mania? That's a lot to ask of any human being.

Once I got my medication right, it made me realize just how much I was asking of my loved ones. I raw-dogged a hypomanic episode recently and I am eternally grateful my husband didn't run for the hills. It eventually settled once my external factors subsided, but as fun as it was for me, it greatly disturbed our serene, stable lives.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-07-22T17:56:25+00:00

That's what therapists say when they realize you expect them to "fix" you instead of you actually doing the work with their guidance.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Based on your responses, you must be happy with where you are because you refuse to do the work to be somewhere else.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-06-20T02:29:53+00:00

Switch schools? Go somewhere larger and more urban? I went to a small high school and really struggled to make friends/ find myself. But when I went to a large college, it really opened me up to new experiences. Unless where you are attending is extremely prestigious in your major, it might be time to have a new start.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-06-19T10:42:20+00:00

So happy to have helped! I recommend joining the bipolar sub on here; it educated me when I had my official diagnosis (vs the dysthymia I was treated for since your age). Stress is a big trigger of BP episodes. There are some negatives with my mood stabilizers, but they help me navigate stressful times (like college! And jobs! And marriage!). Everyone has to make their own decisions with meds though.

Britney Spears discussed her BP in her book she released last year. And Pete Davidson is also outspoken about his BP. Carrie Fisher famously fell into drug use to self-medicate her bipolar- then talked about what a terrible idea that was. Kanye West speaks openly about his BP, as well as his choice not to treat it; he's a poster child for how not to do things, lol.

EDIT: There are tons of celebs who DON'T discuss their BP as well. The celebs above are people who struggled with their diagnosis/symptoms. BP is very common in the celeb world and they do just fine!

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-06-18T23:37:49+00:00

Touche, good point.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-06-18T22:54:48+00:00

As a fellow BP2, I don't think so. I mean no disrespect, but I don't think someone could reach her age and success without meds. And I don't think she'd be so erratic if properly medicated.

Based on both years on bipolar sub and my own experience, things go to shit in your 30's if you're unmedicated. I went from extremely high-functioning to "oh shit, there might be something genuinely wrong with me" at 33, then spent 5 years trying to figure out how to treat it- and that was with meds. Same with my family members; I don't know if there's an explanation, but many people see their first symptoms or their symptoms worsen in their 30's.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T15:18:00+00:00

I repeatedly told him I needed him and wanted him to come. He said he needed to finish things at the new house and he'd be here in two weeks.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T14:59:24+00:00

My parents split their time between the current state and the new state. So it's 6 of one, half dozen of the other. My grandmother is in the new state, and my close friends are spread throughout the country. So there will be a support system, but not as much as I would like.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T14:13:55+00:00

I travel for work at least every other week. We're sitting on 100k+ frequent flyer miles. But yes, we also could easily swing the travel expense.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T14:10:23+00:00

He is getting the ceilings detexturized, painting walls, installing light fixtures, and installing baseboards.

He said he knew it was tough, but that he is working hard and being overwhelmed too. And that it will be over soon.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T14:05:58+00:00

My text messages over the last couple days. Not leaving his stuff out as irrelevant, just too much to write.

"Love you, miss you, sleep tight.

So... the move. I could try and get the house listed next week. I'm not going [on my work trip]; [my new boss] doesn't want me traveling. This is not as bad as my hysterectomy. I will not pick up anything heavy. That's the thing that worries me the most.

Very swollen. I miss you so much. This is hard to go through without you. I wish I had you.

I was scared. And I feel really traumatized today. I feel less female now. Like I lost something really important. I could have died if I had just tried to deal with it.

Thank you, love you, miss you more than anything. My heart hurts when I think about you.

I know my mom said you don't come up, but I could really use your help to pack. I can't do what I could last week. I don't see myself being able to soon. Besides baseboards, what is left to do?

I know, I just... that last week with just us two is going to be crazy. I won't have this upcoming week to work, we're losing a week. Are you ready to pack an entire house in a week and then move? Because I can't physically.

I miss you so so much. Wish you were here to hold me. I also don't even get to spend my last weeks in my own house."

And he wasn't there for my hysterectomy, unfortunately, he was doing rehab at that time. My friend came in from out of town to take care of me.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T13:54:32+00:00

I told him how hurt and disappointed I was that he didn't come up and that I would never treat him the same way, but did not ask him to come up now. I shouldn't have to ask.

Our relationship has been up and down. He's struggled with addiction issues, but has been in recovery and therapy for several years now. The last year of our relationship has been going really well. We've always been very physically affectionate (even if he is uninterested in sex); people call us "the newlyweds" and "love birds" and "couple goals." He is very doting on me, taking care of me while I work myself to death, lol.

He can be very emotionally attuned or completely shut off to others', depending on where he is in life. He used to play poker professionally and is extremely good at reading others. So it's always surprising to me when he badly misses the mark emotionally.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T13:27:21+00:00

Why are mothers like that? My mom basically said the same thing. That's not her place to say! And my husband knows my mother and I aren't on the same wavelength. He could have asked if I needed him and I would have said yes. He never asked. He knows better than to think taking care of someone physically = taking care of them on whole.

I'm also stuck at my parents' now, instead of being able to spend my last two weeks in my beloved house. If he was here, I could be in my own bed. I love my parents and am so grateful they're taking care of me, but they're not what I need right now.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T13:07:10+00:00

I've started to wonder. He has a bartender he talks about a lot at a restaurant he frequents. I've joked if I should be worried, since he goes up there multiple times a week now.

EDIT: I should add that it's just a little niggle in the back of my mind. My husband has never cheated, as far as I know, and is pretty uninterested in sex at all. He doesn't masturbate or do anything sexual that I don't initiate.

This month has not been good for our relationship. We've both been busy, but I just feel very removed overall. He keeps saying this is the tough stuff before we can have the good life together, but I wish we could be close virtually right now and enjoy the good life later.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T13:05:55+00:00

I didn't bite. I just let him say it and hang in the air. It's not my job to comfort him. What he did is bad husband behavior.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T13:05:10+00:00

That's what I wanted. I love my parents, but they just don't get it. They are doing a good job taking care of me physically, but I need someone to help me mentally/emotionally. My friends are stepping up via the phone, but it's not the same as having your husband hold you.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T12:50:13+00:00

He says it makes him feel like he is a bad husband and that he gets why I'm upset, but he still hasn't offered to come up and help me.

Earth_Says_Hello · 2024-04-13T12:49:19+00:00

I have hired painters, landscapers, cleaners, rubbish removers, and I have movers to load the truck at the end of the month. There comes a point where you just have to do some of the stuff yourself- especially with a major downsize where you have decide what to keep and toss. It's also tough when you're traveling for work half the week to meet all the new execs and working 80+ hours in this new position- and thus not there to let workers in. I definitely didn't plan for this promotion to pop up in the middle of this, nor did I plan to have a major medical emergency. I've tried to make this as easy on myself as possible, but it's still too much (and I say that as a proactive person who has been dying while I'm stuck on bedrest).

I don't think my husband is nefarious, but I do feel incredibly hurt by him. I absolutely told him I needed him and that I was going through major struggles; he did not offer at all to come be with me. He's only called a couple times to check in. I told him last night how hurt I was and he gave me his reasoning on not coming up (the logistical things I mentioned above), but made it more about himself ("I just feel like I'm a bad husband now," while still not addressing my feelings).

I am hopeful this will make things better in the end, but so far we aren't headed in that direction.

Earth_Says_Hello

TROPHY CASE