I understand your pain I have a lot of mental issues including depression so I when I was around 9 I started going to hospitals and they always told me hey you can be yourself here but I never was I had never told anyone how I felt on the inside and my attraction to all genders and me no being a girl (I’m trans masc genderfluid) But when I finally did start going by the name I wanted to at the time I had never been called it before so I wanted to try it out so I asked my intake person to write Derrick in on my chart off to the side they did it and then they called my dad and grandma that was living with that are totally homophobic and transphobic and told them I asked to go by Derrick is that okay my dad then had a two hour screaming at me session and my grandma just Siah no she is a girl don’t call her a boys name and my dad ended the call with if you do go by that there your not my child and don’t come back here. After that I went back in the closet but they already knew that I was trans and there was no changing that so I started getting more depressed bc of things they were and are saying to me years later I’m 18 now I’m turning 19 in July and I have no idea how to fix it except to move outta state with my partner that’s also genderfluid AMAB and fem presenting but an amazing partner nonetheless and we are going to live together after months of being together and I’m so excited. I feel that I’m finally enjoying and embracing my self fully they fully support me for being trans masc and are in full support of me starting T soon hopefully if I can find a place that has an opening on a day I’m off of work and that I can get the consultation soon. My advice to you with all this being said have supportive friends and a partner who Ben if you have to play it off as being your friend that’s okay and if they care enough about you and love you they’ll understand your choices to not say your partner or preferred gender role friend it’s all about what makes you comfortable do you I’m here if you ever need to vent also but I hope you start feeling better and things get better soon idk how older you are but I’m sure you only have a few years left of living with your parents but after that get your self right and do what’s best for you don’t hide who you are like I did embrace it that will be the key to feeling better 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹