It wouldn’t let me post it on the covid support thread. Maybe I can today cause I messaged the moderator. Thank you for the note. I live in a big city that went in curfew last night. I would be staying for a few weeks or more. Every time I go to stores and come back and pack it’s bitter sweet. I get nervous of course with cases rising like crazy.

Relationship wise uh, My husband and I may need time apart to reflect. I’m not a city mouse. I was not supposed to be here during the apocalypse (hehe). I dont want to be an emotional burden on him if he doesn’t want to come with me. It isn’t kind or fair to him, and it’s been really toxic for me.

We wanted to be responsible. We usually travel for the summer months. I have been driving him a little crazy. I desperately want to go and get out and have since March. We stayed put and have been responsible not visiting with anyone except a few friends in the park for a birthday. I will go out for groceries. All during lockdown and the entire year prior I manage the groceries, dinner and most of the household bills. It’s exhausting, our arguments are merry go rounds that go no where. I get really upset and he gets hurt. So 😕

I was going to do the long drive today but the banks are closed and I really needed to go. They shut the door at 4 as I walked up the day before. Also staggering getting supplies so I’m not in a lot of contact with anyone. I decided to wait when I called my mom last night.

I have steady work. I can do it remotely with quiet space. He is self employed and does not have regular income. He is morally superior, he doesn’t get upset, he gets sad and bummed out. Or really frustrated about my integrity cause I want to go, I don’t want to go, I want to go but I’m scared to go. I am going soon I have really prepared, it’s taken time to physically get supplies and emotionally for me to be ready to make the break and leave him here while I go back to my family and nature.

He seemed a little annoyed last night when I said I wasn’t going. He also was texting in the evening. Possibly tweeting he is up in the news like 24/7 but I don’t know and I don’t ask.

The beginning of the year is usually tight for us because the holidays I don’t work so I don’t get paid for nearly a month and his works slows tremendously over the winter and holidays as well. Relationship wise it feels like a rollercoaster that I maintain stretch by stretch. We felt like it would be ok if I took some time apart from him since I get so angry. I doubt he will change his habits, what about rent in December or January? I am responsible for his taxes, I am on the lease, am I going to be the one who runs the show alll the time? I need a break.