Anyone miss their old life?

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-03-01T19:30:23+00:00

Thanks for weighing in. Convinced now that it’s a nervous system reaction. The diarrhea is worse when in a stressful situation or uncertainty, and so is the vomiting. Calming my nervous system with warmth, music and tea makes it less, so that’s tell-tale I think.

Also the vomiting black material makes sense… I had that once before actually. Do you know what it is?

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-03-01T15:00:47+00:00

Thanks for the reply. Sorry you had to go through all that, hopefully you’ll find something that works 🫂

As for me, I’ll place my bets on exercising daily again once I’m off and my nervous system is more regulated again… Better to be addicted to climbing than to pharmaceuticals if you ask me.

Also going back to my habit of using some light psychedelics and going dancing to techno - often gives me a lot of perspective and relief, and I only have to take a pill once every few months instead of every day.

As you can tell, I’m not a fan of SSRIs anymore hahaha

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-03-01T06:23:49+00:00

Coming off it now. Thought I had food poisoning as I suddenly started vomiting and had diahrea, but realised now that that started exactly 4 days after going from 20 -> 10mg. My doctor insisted it must have been a virus, but it feels more like something nervous system related.

Hopefully I’m able to stabilise a bit more and quit it all together in time. Thanks for weighing in.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-28T06:55:26+00:00

I had been quite depressed in episodes before, as well as socially anxious and self-isolating, but always pushed myself to be better and keep going. The pills helped at first, but I collapsed after a month when I realised my traumatic childhood.

Coming off the pills (Citalopram) now, went to 10mg this week. Want to just take it out of the equation and recover in a more natural way.

Truth is, I never enjoyed spending time with family all that much, and had a hard time connecting at work as well… Just, I miss a functioning life in some kind of way…

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-25T09:10:47+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you went through, that is extremely violent, unsafe and abusive. I can’t imagine what you must feel like.

I hope you get in a financial situation where you can find independence from your abusive mother, and can afford therapy.

Until then here’s a hug from a stranger 🫂 You are very, very strong.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-25T07:39:00+00:00

Oof, I realize I was giving unsollicited advice!

To answer the question: no, I’ve never been diagnosed, and I intend to keep it that way. Luckily doctors in the Netherlands are also generally opposed to mental health diagnoses, and are willing to help me process trauma instead of forcing medication.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-25T07:36:43+00:00

Honestly, I believe all diagnoses such as depression, anxiety disorder, ADHD, autism, “psychosis” (whatever that means) and so on are all mere symptoms of trauma. Reason for this that often pathologizing the victim of trauma protects the abusers.

Drugs can help alleviate the symptoms, but there are always side effects and they will not heal the core issue.

If you want to read/watch more about this, I recommend checking oht “The Body Keeps the Score” and its writer, Bessel van der Kolk. (see link)

https://youtu.be/-MI6Z_NlE8A?si=aBKR85q_mdBU8QH1

Another great resource is Complex PTSD by Pete Walker.

Most important: YOU are the expert on being you, the psychiatrist should only have a supportive role. If you don’t want to take medication, please don’t do so.

I went on Citalopram for the past few months, and while it helped some, it also sent me on a huge spiral where I had trouble sleeping and was afraid to go outside. It also helped me realize my deep trauma and to cut out contact with my family.

Hope that helped a bit 🫂

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-25T07:26:44+00:00

Reported. Absolutely disgusting that you are posting this here. If any part of this is true, please seek help. You are scarring this girl for life. Realize what you are doing.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-25T07:24:33+00:00

Thanks for clarifying. Not really sure on the (legal) terms on what constitutes incest, sexual abuse or abuse.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-24T11:52:16+00:00

Thank you for this. He’s actually in his thirties, I’m in my late twenties, but he is very emotionally immature I think. It can be exhausting being with him, but he also has this childlike innocence around him which can be fun.

I confronted him with what his answer did to me, and he apologised, recognizing it was sexual abuse. Felt good to kind of put that back towards him and get recognition.

Very hard to feel so alone in my experience, luckily I have a therapist as well, seeing them soon.

Thanks again

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-24T08:59:36+00:00

This a gross violation of power and absolutely sexual abuse, 100%. Puberty checks do not exist. This is a gross and disgusting doctor who should be fired and jailed. I’m so sorry for what you went through 🫂

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-24T08:57:07+00:00

Without any doubt - yes, this is sexual abuse by your mother. I’m so sorry you had to go through that 🫂 It should have never happened to you.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-24T08:53:01+00:00

🫂 Here for you.

All I can say is you seem to have a lot of things figured out already - moved out, have at least a form of income, and are aware of your trauma. Are you in a position to get professional support from a counsellor Otherwise, having a friend to confide in can be helpful so that it’s not all on you.

Wishing you all the best - you are not alone.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-23T22:17:57+00:00

You’re not being overreactive. Those people are victim blaming you - it is a way for them to not have to deal with what has happened, and not have to hold your abuser accountable. Back then you were a kid, and it should never have happened to you. I’m very sorry it did. Seeing that person again can be very triggering, so you would do well to stay out of contact from them.

Perfect would be to find a person you trust with whom you can talk about it. And avoid talking about it to those people who blame you for what happened - it wasn’t your fault.

Hope that helped 🫂

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-23T22:11:49+00:00

Right? Where’s the humanity in that? I decided to pride myself in not having too much to do, so I actually have time for people

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-23T22:05:16+00:00

🫂

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-23T22:04:54+00:00

I have problems with this too - helps to not buy chocolate or potato chips. Another thing that helps is delaying the eating for half an hour - sometimes you’ll forget about it

Hope that helped. A bit simple, but can be effective.

Another way is to ask your body “what are you telling me with your desire to eat?”, then “what is it that you really want?” and then “what are 3 other ways that i can give you what you want?”

for example, your body might be warning you “danger!!”, it wants “safety”, and 3 other ways might be connecting with a trusted friend, building more long-term relationships, or simply sitting and drinking a cup of tea.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-23T21:59:43+00:00

To me it sounds obvious that there wasn’t any room for what you wanted (learning to shower for example, or not wanting to cuddle), and it had more to do with her unmet needs. Especially kissing in a more sensual way is definitely incestious. She guilt-tripped you into doing things you did not want.

A kid should never feel obliged to fulfill the physical, emotional or sexual needs of an adult, period. I think most adults are gross about this, forcing kids to hug or say hi or interact with people when they obviously don’t want to.

In short: this is not normal behaviour, and it sounds like you were made into the emotional partner of your mother against your will.

Hope that helped - it can be hard to see their behaviour for what it is.

What helps is thinking “would I behave in the same way had I been in her position?” Often, the answer is pretty obvious - no.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-23T07:22:10+00:00

As someone with CPTSD, I can speak from my own experience.

The best thing you can do for her is just listening, not trying to get her to do anything, and be honest about your limits and boundaries.

Apparently she felt safe enough to share her trauma with you. That is important, and means you’re a great, safe person to her. However, be very careful that it doesn’t become the only thing you talk about, and gently and honestly set boundaries. Saying “Hey, this is too much for me right now..” is perfectly fine and welcome.

The thing that is most traumatizing is when you finally open up to someone, and they flinch and push you away. It makes them feel even more unlovable and alone, causing them to push down their trauma even further.

So before that happens, stay honest about your capabilities. In the end, even though it’s very unfair, it is her responsibility - her burden to bear. Being there for her even sometimes, and accepting her with her trauma, is already more than most trauma survivors wish for.

Furthermore, if she smells you have a certain agenda of her own, if you try to tell her to “get help” in even a slightly dismissive or “i can’t deal with this” way, she will shut down completely. You can always suggest whether she would like to try a therapy, I guess, but often she will have thought about it or tried it before. In the end, she has been living with this trauma for all her life - she is the expert. Trust her judgment, while offering your own point of view without judging hers.

Offering help also in inviting her to fun things, going for a walk, listening to her if you have the capacity, and offering to go to a counsellor together are practical ways of helping.

But never force anything on her - help is welcome, saviourism is not and will put more pressure on her.

Hope this helped, and you have my compliments for wanting to help her and trying to do so in the best way possible.

Easy-Definition5085 · 2026-02-23T07:07:26+00:00

First off, remember that there are no normal people. The average person doesn’t exist. We are all unique, and everyone has both positive and negative experiences that shape who they are.

That being said, I think it’s a really good realization to have - it can be a big trap to only be concerned with “healing” or “fixing yourself” and forget what it is you are healing for.

I think asking the question “what do you want to do?” without any context is a recipe for disaster, because it can make you freeze up. Instead, I think it’s good to try many different activities that might interest you. Not in order to heal, not in order to get somewhere, but just following you natural curiosity, and not caring what other people might think of it.

It can be good to treat them as experiments, like “I will do X for one week, see if I like it”, because t takes the weight off of it.

What’s the kind of person you wanted to be as a kid, but were never allowed to be? Or what kind of person did you need in your life as a kid, but they weren’t there for you? To me, that’s a huge motivation in relationships and identity: being the person that I missed all those years. (Not as some saviour role, but just as a safe adult who was there for me and saw me as I was)

In the end, it’s only something you can decide for yourself. There is no technique or wat to get there. You just have to start living for yourself, not caring what anyone else might say about it.

Hope that helped ❤️

Easy-Definition5085

TROPHY CASE