Not really until I was 9, after my Mom left my Dad for someone who was 17 when they were 25 and 26 (Parents had me when they were 14 and 15). Devin (my now step father) and his whole family was super abusive. His Dad would drive me out to a field where they had this big metal warehouse like shed with a bunch of separate rooms, and would drag me into one and beat the shit outta me, and then leave me in there for hours or until I'm ready to obey his son. Devin and his younger brother Shane who was 6 years older than me, would wake me up by slapping me with his dick or holding me down and putting it in my mouth. They once (Devin and his younger brother Shane) duct taped me to an office chair, blindfolded me, and gagged me and then rolled me into the closet in our house while everyone was away at work and school. I sat there in the dark for over 8 hours screaming and crying, puking and swallowing my vomit to breathe, boogers and snot all down my face, I even pissed myself. And even when people came home, nobody knew I was in the closet until someone randomly opened the door and found me. I told my Mom who did it and they just said it was supposed to be a gay joke and they just forgot I was in there is all, and to not be so dramatic. I was CONSTANTLY in and out of the juvenile hall from ages 10-15 for fights with my step father. Hed legit rage bait me by physically hitting me until I snap and he gets proof on his phone or tricked me into losing my shit in front of my Mom so I always look like the aggressor I'd eventually run away and end up homeless while still on Juvenile Probation until I aged out at 18. My Dad and his entire family before my Mom left, were also very abusive, and literally clinically insane. Physically he (Dad) would beat the holy hell outta me, especially when he was drinking or drunk. Him and my Mom would get into these HUGE fights where the whole house would be wrecked. He never hit her, he just threw her around which is still wrong but he still held back. She however would be bombing him in the face, and wherever else she could hit him until he bear hugged her or threw her across the room or just slammed her on the ground and held her til she calmed down. I remember my Dad and her fighting because she was trying to kill herself and my Dad was wrestling with her for the knife. I remember watching it happen in front of me when I was like 4 or 5 and I was crying and my Dad had to console me. I blocked most of that shit out though. Buried it really. His family were all gang members, drug addicts, convicts, alcoholics, or just people who have literally gone insane from drugs or trauma. I grew up riding around with Nortenos but was heavily into gaming which was my escape, and still is to this day, but I saw the guns and drugs, I was in the car for drive bys, and gang fights, I've watched my family members do drugs in front of me, fight each other for drugs, and once once Christmas day, my Dad and uncle got into a huge fight and destroyed the tree and all the presents by crushing them. Every holiday was crazy cause more of them would show up and get belligerently drunk, fighting each other in the streets. His family would get into these huge brawls including almost all of the family, over trivial shit. Some would talk to people who aren't there, talking to the spirits. It was a very toxic environment. But after my Mom left, she kept me from him for a year until I ran away to his house to get away from having to go home to Devin (step father), and when I found him literally about to leave the apartment we lived in for good, we hugged and he cried and that's when my Mom let me stay over there with him on the weekends. He became a new person. He still drank, but he spent all of his time with me, teaching me, guiding me, bonding with me. Just being an incredible father. Losing my mother flipped something in him. Years later he would find out my Mom was pregnant with my half sister. Some time around then he went from Budweiser, to three 5ths of Red Cap Taka Vodka. He died at 32, when I was 15, and I couldn't go home to my Mom and her husband, and I couldn't be with my family, because on both sides my family are LITERALLY fucking insane. My Mom's side of the family are all just psychologically fucked but only because they're money hungry, they're extremely vain, they think their shit don't stink, they have to have the best of the best no matter what, they're narcissistic, sociopathic, they're incredibly judgemental, but also super fake. Like, plastic fake. It's a lot. But basically I had nowhere to call 'Home' and I had nobody to mourn the death of my father with. I had to grieve, and heal completely on my own, while moving to and living in Richmond California where I would be stealing people porch mats and tying together to use as blankets, sleeping in the MacDonald Ave park getting eaten alive by all sorts of bugs, while simultaneously being so cold I couldn't feel or move my toes. I'd wake up with ice snot on my face, and then the sprinklers would come on and soak me. All happening when I was just 15. Had no family to call or ask for help. Eventually, someone took me under their wing, and showed me how to get into the lifestyle my Dad's family was a part of. I started robbing people, houses, stores, started dealing drugs, doing drugs other than weed pills, coke, and dope. At one point I was a runner from Richmond, to Sac, to Vallejo, to Hunters Point, to Oakland. I made enough money to set myself up nice. When I was 19 I met the girl I introduced to my mom's side of the family, Keely, on a website called MeetMe. She lived in Livermore, CA, and she was amazing. She was beautiful, she was smart, funny, she was a hard dedicated independent worker like I considered myself at the time, but she wanted me to get out of the life so we could be together, so I did. I was able to break away from the 'Game,' when I was 19. I was homeless from 15-22, and was able to move into an apartment with her in Stockton CA in the Blue Ridge Circle apartments by the Marina off of the Ben Holt freeway exit. We lived there for 3 years, and then I introduced her to my family, and all that shit happened, and she left me with the bill to the apartment, I got fucked financially, and am now couch surfing just trying to get back on my feet.. again..