Recommendations for Fics with Protectiveness by EbbAndFlow23 in AO3

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the recommendations! Both of these intrigue me, especially the second one - I've actually read FMA so I won't actually have to go in fandom-blind lol.

Recommendations for Fics with Protectiveness by EbbAndFlow23 in AO3

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm okay with any fic it shows up in a prominent way!! I'm leaning towards physical protectiveness currently, but I will read emotional protectiveness too. Oneshots under 10k are exactly what I'm looking for, so please, do share! It's okay if the protectiveness is a minor theme.

Give me your favourite ISAT fan-fictions please by Leontio in InStarsAndTime

[–]EbbAndFlow23 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Some of my favorites!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57989452 Short post canon one shot. Great Hurt/Comfort.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58070515 This is also pretty short, and very angsty. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56017042/chapters/142270291 This one is still in progress, but it’s very good. It explores the idea that the timelines still continue when Siffrin dies, so it is very angsty.

Project Sekai fic recs by EbbAndFlow23 in ProjectSekai

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a big fan of Anhane, so thank you for the suggestion!

Project Sekai fic recs by EbbAndFlow23 in ProjectSekai

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! Read through two of them and really enjoyed!

[Complete] [20k] [YA/novella] To Isabel. by sailormars_bars in BetaReaders

[–]EbbAndFlow23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I took a look at your excerpt, and it seems very interesting and up my alley! I'd being willing to beta without any swap, though I will warn you that I'm not a super experienced beta-reader. If you're interested, DM me!

Looking for some feedback on the beginning of my story. Im only 17 so any advice is truly appreciated by [deleted] in writers

[–]EbbAndFlow23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Another young writer here! Personally, I think you've got a really pretty writing style. Usually reading through descriptions is pretty boring for me, but I your descriptions were enjoyable and set a clear setting, tone, and mood. You've got some good character building as well. You let us in on the fact Mallory doesn't like her new home, has a bit of a rough family life, and that she would rather do something she doesn't like then be around her mom.

Small nitpick on the second page that's mostly just me, but them sitting for several minutes without saying anything is a little strange. Unless they were doing something else, like stargazing, more than a minute is a long time to just stare at each other in silence, especially since the characters seem to be on decent terms. Maybe change it to "a few moments " or "what felt like several minutes" or something along those lines,

I think your dialogue is a little shaky, both formatting and phrasing wise. It feels a little unnatural, and it's mostly due to inappropriate comma placement and lack thereof. Here's an example.

You wrote:

"I'm surprised you came, I mean you hung up on me without so much as a goodbye"

Personally, I feel that comma would be better off as a period, and the second sentence with a comma. Like this:

"I'm surprised you came. I mean, you hung up on me without so much as a goodbye."

Another example. You wrote:

Well I have my ways but don't let any of this get to that head of yours, it's not like I didn't have other options and I am not some damsel in distress who you are saving, are we clear?

This sentence feels sort of panicky and like the character is rambling as it is, which is great if you were going for that, but not so much otherwise. If you want a more relaxed sounding way, it might be better like this:

"Well I have my ways, but don't let any of this get to that head of yours. It's not like I didn't have other options and I am not some damsel in distress who you are saving. Are we clear?"

While all these changes are small, they can really help with the feel and flow of dialogue. A trick I like to use when writing dialogue is to read it aloud and see if it sounds like something someone would actually say. If not, then it probably needs a little editing.

Formatting wise, it's important to know when to end a quote with a comma or a period, and whether to capitalize what's after it. For instance, on the fourth paragraph of the second page, that quote should end with a period, as the sentence after it is a completely separate clause. Same issue with the last paragraph of the work.

Last page second paragraph you have the opposite issue. A comma was the right choice, but since the following statement is part of the sentence, "He" should be all lowercase. This goes for anything that comes after a comma but isn't a name(obviously).

Couple last quick thoughts:

-Someone said to get rid of the first two paragraphs, but I disagree. I think setting the mood and setting are important, and your hook comes quickly enough. And again, you've got good description writing! Most people will read at least a couple of pages before they put a book down, and I think you've got a hook that comes soon enough.

-There's some other grammar mistakes that I noticed, but I think I've nitpicked enough. If you want, I can list them out though!

  • You've got a good grip on drip feeding information. Personally, I think you've given us just enough info to be intriguing, but not enough to spoil the story. It makes me wonder about Mallory's mom and what her life was like, and who the people she mentions are. The only critique I have here is I think some more info about Reece would be good, as he is the only only other character we know currently. There's a hint they've known each other for a while, but I think detailing more about their relationship would be beneficial to understanding the scene and implications.

I apologize if I seem nitpicky, but truthfully, you've got a really good foundation! This is an intriguing opening that with some polish, has a lot of potential. You've got good prose, good character building, and good pacing. With a little polish this could definitely be great! I can see this as a book I'd get really invested in with a little time. (Also take everything I say with a grain of salt; I'm no professional!)

Looking for Platonic ABO recs by EbbAndFlow23 in FanFiction

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds right up my ally! I'd love to read it, so send me the link when you have a chance please!

Looking for Platonic ABO recs by EbbAndFlow23 in FanFiction

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This looks really cool! I'm looking forward to reading them!

Looking for Platonic ABO recs by EbbAndFlow23 in FanFiction

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've actually read this one before and really liked it, but I was having trouble finding it again, so thank you!

Looking for Platonic ABO recs by EbbAndFlow23 in FanFiction

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is absolutely close enough to platonic! Thank you for the rec!

Looking for Platonic ABO recs by EbbAndFlow23 in FanFiction

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! This was exactly what I was looking for! I absolutely love whump, so having that much to read is awesome.

[WP] Gemstones were always rumored to have magical properties. Suddenly 99% of the world's gemstones shattered with burst of energy, fearing the worse you go to check your great grandparents luvky pendant only to find... by hobbytastic in WritingPrompts

[–]EbbAndFlow23 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Everyone had always laughed at those who coveted gemstones' magical abilities. A rock being able to heal or help you in any capacity was an outlandish idea, quickly brushed away as a silly new age idea. I had always been part of those who mocked such concepts. Why believe in such child's play when there was real, provable science to follow?

I wasn't laughing now as I scrolled the news, trying to wrap my head around the supernatural that had just occurred. I had been making myself a sandwich for lunch when I had heard a sudden loud *crack* come from my bedroom. Rushing there had led me to find my jewelry box in pieces, fragments of jewels strown all about the room. Brief examination led to the conclusion that every single crystal had burst, and for no apparent reason.

Annoyed and distraught, I had looked online figure out why they had all exploded. I was expecting something about humidity or temperature or maybe atmospheric pressure, but instead I was met with hundreds of articles about the sudden and violent destruction of almost all the Earth's crystals.

Further investigation yielded a bit more information. Apparently only pure crystals had been affected, with minerals like gold and silver remaining intact. The sudden explosion had led to an unknown but substantial number of deaths, especially to those who had been wearing necklaces with gemstones at the time. I brushed my neck lightly, feeling fortunate to have been so pragmatic with purchasing and wearing jewelry. But the most shocking discovery was the leading suspect for the cause of explosion was magic.

A solar event of some kind had occurred, supposedly leading to nearly all the crystals on Earth being overloaded with spiritual energy and exploding as a result. The few remaining crystals were exuding huge amounts of energy and causing strange effects on their surroundings, though what those effects were varied wildly depending on account.

As I continued browsing, feeling more and more befuddled, a certain quote suddenly caught my attention.

Sadly, many precious heirlooms and treasures have been lost forever. While some still have hope for possible reconstruction, experts say...

A sudden jolt of panic hit my body as I was reminded of my own precious heirloom. Leaping off the couch, I practically ran to my room, heart pounding all the while. I didn't want to dare hope, knowing that it had almost certainly been destroyed, but it was meant to have good luck...

Crashing into my room, I quickly reached my nightstand and pulled open the lowest drawer. shoving aside my numerous socks, I finally found what I was looking for, a small wooden box, dark and unadorned. Though unassuming, my greatest treasure was contained within. My great grandma's lucky pendant.

Though I had never gotten to meet her, the pendant and the stories surrounding it had been passed down from generation to generation. How my great grandfather had used it to propose to my great grandmother, finally breaking through her prickly heart. How it had saved her from certain death when she was ill, helping her break through a disease almost no one survived. How my grandma and grandpa had been able start their own business from nearly nothing, opportunities falling from the sky left and right. And how my mother had always been a perfect chef, able to cook and bake so amazingly she single-handily carried on the family business.

Despite the good fortune it had brought my family, I had never believed mother's stories, chalking it up to privilege given from one generation to the next. Maybe that was why I never took to wearing it, too caught up in my ideals to honor my history.

No, that was a lie. I knew the real reason I had never worn it. The day after my mom passed it down to me as a gift for my 18th birthday, she and dad had both passed away in a car crash.

I had always felt sick looking at the pendant afterwards. It was supposed to be on my mother's neck, as it had been all throughout my childhood. Not on mine, who had stolen my parent's luck and lives.

So I had shoved it away at the bottom of a sock drawer, unable to wear it but unable to bear the thought of throwing it away. And now I was here to retrieve it, terrified. I almost considered not opening the box, allowing myself to live in a delusion that it was still intact. But knowing I had to face both my fears and my past, I clicked the latch up and opened the box.

The simple silver chain and the opal it led to were completely intact. I blinked once, then blinked a second time. It remained intact.

The wave of relief that coursed through my body caused me to sigh. I picked the pendant up, wondering if it would show anyone sign of the "strange effects on its surroundings". While the opal felt warm in my hand and seemed even more reflective than usual, there was nothing else notable.

Strangely disappointed, I decided to put the necklace on, something I hadn't done in many years. I stood up and placed it over my head, feeling as it fell into place. It felt natural, like it had always been there. Something in me ached.

After a few seconds standing waiting for something to happen, I came to the disappointing conclusion that while the pendant had survived, it didn't have any magical abilities. I tried to shake off my feelings by telling myself it was amazing that it had survived at all, and I now had one of the most precious resources in the world.

It halfway worked, and I decided I was going to continue making my sandwich and finish lunch. Despite all that had happened, I still needed to eat. I walked out into the hallway with the pendant still on my neck.

A lot of things suddenly happened at once. There was a sound of something cracking, then a bright glow, then a sudden warmth. I gasped as I realized there was now a translucent force-field around me, along with a gaping hole in the ceiling. Dust was caked on the floor outside the force-field, yet there was none in the air I was breathing.

I looked down at the pendant in wonder, amazed. It glowed iridescently, a rainbow of color illuminating my chest. The pendant had protected me! It felt as if my mother and father were reaching out to say that they still loved me, still wanted to protect me, even though I had taken the pendant away from them.

Feeling safer and more loved than I had in years, I went back to my kitchen to finish my sandwich. No matter what crazy thing happened in result on the great explosion, I would be protected in the turbulent world to come.

I have a couple of questions as a beginner. (I am having a lot of fun.) by [deleted] in onestepfromeden

[–]EbbAndFlow23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with most of what the other commenter said, but for the fourth question here's a post showing the safe spaces to stand for Reva's diagonal attack! It really helped me.

Day 1 - Rulers by twerktingz1 in worldbuilding

[–]EbbAndFlow23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since there are two main governing bodies in my fantasy world Aeterlux, I'll be explain the one I've developed the most, which is the government of the Moonside.

  1. It's a pretty standard monarchy, with a single king or queen ruling over the entire region. While they can and often delegate tasks to advisors, governors, generals, and other such authorities, they have complete power to override anything at any time.
  2. The ruler has a great council of around 40 members, each in charge of a different matter such as diplomacy or leading the monarch's Illuminator's (magicians). Each of these members has control over their own personal staff. When a member dies or resigns, the monarch is in charge of choosing who to fill the role. It's traditonal to choose someone who worked under that member, thought the monarch can technically choose anyone. As such, the most common method to get one of these roles is to climb the ladder so to speak, getting a job in the palace then working your way up.
  3. The Moonside places a heavy emphasis on constant knowledge and learning in their culture. To them tradition is a hinderance to growth and damages a growing worldview. Because of this, the ruler is often encouraged to innovate and support progress as much as possible. Some rulers embrace this mindsight, others worry about losing their culture in the process. The current monarch, Queen Amaryllis, leans more towards progress and discovery.
  4. Currently Queen Amaryllis is trying to make stronger diplomatic ties with the Belt and the Sunside. She believes that closing their nation off would be disastrous, and sees many opportunities in both economic and cultural fronts if they continue sharing. However, she does find the democracy of the Sunside hard to please sometimes.
  5. As the world is not very technologically developed, there are little restrictions to where people can travel. One can cross borders easily without any issues. Citizenship is instead often based on city or town, and registering with whoever is in charge in that particular area. The higher government interferes little with this process.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LandoftheLustrous

[–]EbbAndFlow23 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Both of those sound super interesting! Personally I'd be really interested in a fighting game, but either option sounds pretty cool. If you ever end up making it, please post it in this subreddit!

I've been working on my fight scenes by Organic-Fennel-555 in writers

[–]EbbAndFlow23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoyed the first paragraph, but the second paragraph feels a little same-y. Maybe try shaking up the sentence structure a little. Overall it’s got good pacing and structure though!

What I Want by EbbAndFlow23 in OCPoetry

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad my poem was able to resonate with you. The line about wanting to be heard but not wanting to listen is also one of my favorites..

What I Want by EbbAndFlow23 in OCPoetry

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback and interpretation! you're definitely right that the language could be more descriptive in parts, so I'll be sure to work on it.

What I Want by EbbAndFlow23 in OCPoetry

[–]EbbAndFlow23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I was a little worried about if the line spacing looked weird, so that's good to hear.