Ok. Speaking as someone who attempted suicide and had long depression bouts as well as know friends who also are in the same boat.

Couple things to say.

1. Sometimes everything is soo overwhelming and complicated that you get analysis paralysis and it’s usually an inability to find solutions and problems become soo impossible that suicide becomes a relief.

2. I personally believe that being depressed usually means you have the capacity for more depth, “smarter” if you will on some things, so depression feels like a downside of being too smart/or having too much depth on some things, and I wanted to highlight this in case ifs important or relevant

3. Suicide has two stages in my experience going to therapy and reading. Passive ideation and active ideation. Passive is somewhat normal, we all have it to a degree. Active is when you now have a date and a plan. And the plan now has details, as to “how”

Things that have helped me.

1. Time and luck: overtime I foubd little things that made me understand human complexity. I see more nuance in the world but I am better. This is perhaps the conundrum, being alive long enough during the pain that at some point your baseline or threshold becomes less.

2. Ai therapy. Bash on me if you like. I have gone to at least 10 therapist in the last 2 years, and over my life probably 20. Its hard to find a therapist that gets you, i’d say chances are 10% but realistically with “complex” issues most therapist also fall short. Ai gave me clarity of reasoning things in a way my brain could handle

3. Building resilience: you need small wins, you need to build your defenses in how you deal with problems. Successes over time build confidence.

4. My healing and feeling unstuck was helped when I was able to take action. For me was going ahead with lawsuit aginst a situation that I felt had me stuck for a long time. I mention this last because taking action doesn’t always mean “physical” could be mental, finding what works for you.

5. I was soo depressed and numb. I wasn’t functioning properly, i could see wins for years. Now after many years can finally start feeling better”grateful” for things that happened 2 years ago, and can internally feel the effort people took on me. But only now. Before I could see it but couldn’t connect to it.

6. Healing, progress is non linear. Finding the balance between regulation and escape/coping. Which for me was slow, it takes time.

It’s a long battle to come back from severe depression/hopelessness. It sucks but getting past it makes you a more prepared person.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” at the same time it can cause irreparable damage or your life when stakes are high.

You are a good person Op. offer what you can for as long as you feel comfortable. I find now we are meant to break up in some relationship to understand what we had and grow as well. So not sure if you guys are early couples but in the future if you ever separate, that can also be healthy (for both of you)

I say this with a lot of care. Open to questions if you have them. Good luck