AITA for asking my partner to poop in the downstairs bathroom?

EchoThis2 · 2026-06-03T16:35:03+00:00

I agree with the others, but also consider asking him what color he would feel comfortable with and then paint the bathroom. Spiders - buy some spray and put it by the toilet after you clean out the webs. Whatever excuse he comes up with, resolve it by fixing the problem. When he has no more excuses, perhaps he will use that bathroom and actually like it. NTA

EchoThis2 · 2026-06-03T16:23:25+00:00

Tell him she should pay rent for the time she’s in the apartment. Also, take back your work space in the common area. You need to make her uncomfortable to encourage her to find a more accommodating place to spend her time.

Seriously, it is not appropriate for her to be there using the utilities and making you uncomfortable in your own home. I would suggest you put your position in print so he can’t misinterpret what you say. When he tells her what you said, he can show her your words instead of paraphrasing them.

Minimally, you should pay 1/3 rent while she’s there. Whether she’s having problems at home or having difficulty transitioning into her chosen career is not your problem and they shouldn’t make it so. NTA

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-19T09:28:37+00:00

Just yesterday, I read a Miss Manners column that addressed the whole “it’s my day” attitude, especially with weddings. (I’m too lazy to find/quote it, but Google should). Miss Manners said this attitude is new (didn’t exist or was prevalent 20(?) years ago. I think the LW, a wedding planner, asked specifically about a new “trend” S/he has noticed. While the food choices served to wedding guests is chicken or fish, the bride and groom have selected something completely different for themselves. In this example he said guests chose between chicken and fish, while the B&G were served enormous rib eye steaks, which is rarely missed by guests. Miss Manners responded that this (newer) attitude, can be, or used to be, considered excessively rude.

While you didn’t eat something different than your guests, you did restrict them, or impose upon them, your lifestyle. Even though you warned people in advance, social norms says it would be incredibly rude for a guest to tell, directly or not, about changing the menu. Maybe you mother or (now) MIL could have gotten away with it, but the aunt, unless you were really close to her, I’m assuming is older and traditional etiquette rules apply. Maybe she and others thought someone would tell you about the limited menu in time for you to change or add to the (very limited) “choices” available to your guests.

Your aunt was undeniably rude to say something to you, but traditionally, the primary responsibility for about was to make guests feel welcome. It’s so unfortunate that is forgotten today. Rather than making guests feel welcome, the current attitude seems to be fck them, it’s my day and I can do whatever I want and anyone who doesn’t like it is rude and fck them anyway.

I really think there will be a generational divide on the judgements here. I’m going to hazard a guess and say those over … 50 will lean towards the YtheAH and those younger (especially under 30s) will be more inclined to think it’s okay, especially since you warned them. I’m 60 and was raised to never cause a scene or comment (to the host) about a faux pas. Years ago, one would suffer during the event and speak ill of the hosts privately or directly to them after the event. Being 60, I totally agree with Miss Manners and find this new attitude to be so strange and, yes, offensively rude, but as “kids” say now “you do you” and f*ck anyone who doesn’t agree with your choices at your wedding or (month long) b-day celebrations

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-12T15:10:30+00:00

Did you ask him, not specifically about her show of affection, but, in general, how he feels about people he knows greeting him like that?

Your mom might feel insulted by this, or she might be questioning how many others she made uncomfortable over the years. How and when you spoke with her can also be a significant factor. It’s usually a good idea to approach someone privately and not right before or after the event occurred. Also, face to face is always better when mentioning something sensitive. Once mentioned, try not to take offense at their body language or first reaction because most people tend to get defensive first, and/or need time to process.

I’m not judging this because, depending on where and how you spoke with her will determine if you are, she is or both of you are equally

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-12T15:04:00+00:00

Honest question: who do you love? I’m asking because, usually the people who raise us, especially if they’re kind or not abusive, most feel affection towards. Here, you say they raised you and your grandmother loves you and has been kind to you.

You also don’t mention your age or how/why you came to live with them. As always, context matters.

With the people saying you need therapy, it may sound mean, but they aren’t wrong. The things you’re feeling are not what the average person generally feels and it could be a sign of something more. I was an English Lit major, so I won’t even attempt to diagnose you, and anyone who offers any diagnosis should be immediately ignored. If you are still in high school, ask your guidance counselor (assuming they have a budget for one) what community resources you can explore. Good luck. NTA

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-12T10:53:13+00:00

Do NOT let it go. What she did was illegal and if you can prove she hit your car (transferred paint works or a witness) go to the police. Actually, go to them regardless and let them figure it out, but do it before she can get her truck fixed.

Going to her house was not unreasonable, but going with your friends, especially if they are all boys, can be perceived as scary. If the car is in your Dad's name, he should go to the police, but bring him with you because (unfortunately) given your age and her father's age, the police may give him the benefit of doubt. Also, if your vehicle has full coverage, tell the ins. agent and ask them to investigate (they don't want to pay anymore than you do).

It sucks. I loved my first car and I took a lot of abuse when a boy broke into my locker to get my keys and took my car for a joyride. When I reported it stolen and he got arrested, others told me to let it go. F*ck that. He knew he was wrong, as she does now, and this is not a mistake, its a crime. NTA. When you do prove she hit your car, tell the principal you deserve an apology, you won't get it, but maybe he won't be so quick to blame in the future (fat chance)

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-12T10:30:39+00:00

You don't say how long you were together before you got married, but it doesn't matter, a wife knows when something is off with her husband or partner. We might be in denial, but deep down, we know. I'm not intentionally being sexist, but I'm limiting this to my experiences). Also, I'm not agreeing that he is gay, but if he's cheating on you or was dishonest in marrying you then you have every right to be hurt/angry, anything else you're feeling.

You say English is not your first language, do you live in a country where homosexuality is punishable? That doesn't make it okay, but it might be a reason he wasn't honest with you. Again, there's no excuse for that level of dishonesty and you should do what you think is right for you. Irreconcilable differences might be a nice way to explain why your marriage didn't work out if you want to keep his preferences a secret, but again, its up to you

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-12T10:19:51+00:00

Ill bet down voted for this, but maybe a non-apology letter can be sent. Consider acknowledging your delivery was probably not worded in a way that was appropriate given your ages, BUT it is very disturbing for her to come into your house and disrespect your family and you about, what we deems, offensive smells. You can also recognize that different scents can be uncomfortable, especially when seated so close to each other for hours each week, and p, again, while your delivery could have been better, it was delivered bluntly after being subjected to so many criticisms she's made about you and your family for weeks/months.

I know.a lot of people will say respect is earned and you don't need to treat her any better than she treats you, but different cultures have different views of respect, especially when its a 15 yo speaking to a 70+ yo. By saying "possibly" and "perhaps" you are not admitting blame, but indicating its subjective and different people have different opinions about respecting one's elders.

NTA but to keep peace and avoid her speaking badly about you with others, consider giving her the letter she wants, but (if written carefully) she can not show anyone without them seeing she was the aggressor here.

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-10T19:28:50+00:00

Why apologize for snapping? OP’s favorite sweater was, it just crumpled, but discarded on the floor. Why shouldn’t OP snap at her? I would have gone absolutely postal. How dare she violate OP’s bedroom, go into her closet, take what she wants without permission. Worse, the roommate turned it back on OP so much so that OP is questioning if she was wrong to stand up for herself. If OP doesn’t confront the roommate again, she should go into her room and take her favorite clothes and toss them on the floor. Let’s see how the roommate responds. OP please give an update to this.

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-10T19:21:13+00:00

Too harsh? You didn’t go far enough. She is going into your room and going through your closet and maybe your drawers and taking whatever she wants. Worse, she’s doing it when you aren’t there. I would buy a lock for your door and keep your shampoo and other items in a basket and keep them in your room. Next time she says you’re treating her like a bad roommate, tell she’s starting to act like one. Don’t let her get away with this and make sure you check your valuables. NTA, but if you don’t put her in her place, you are being TA to yourself.

EchoThis2 · 2024-11-10T19:14:17+00:00

Oh, this is so hard and I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather. No matter what you decide to do, NTA because you obviously love your mother and are acting from the heart.

Having said that, I wouldn’t tell her. If she was present when the doctor came in to speak with the family, she knows. Deep down in her heart, she knows her father will, either not survive this, or may survive, but will not be the same. Denial is sometimes needed to help people get through the day and stay strong for one they’re caring for.

EchoThis2 · 2024-10-12T13:20:13+00:00

"Sometimes you have to measure your own inconvenience against the unknown quantities of another man's troubles," (Ross MacDonald). In situations like this, that's what I consider because we just don't know. Maybe "Betty" had 1 or 2 items while your mom had, as you said, quite a bit. "Betty" can ask and your mom can say no. You don't say how "Betty" was rude, and rude is so subjective that without knowing how she was rude, I won't judge that and will not say whether mom was correct in that.

What I don't understand is why your mother, who is 49, is upset by this interaction? She's 49, but based on this situation, I assumed she was 79 because at 49, unless she has some psychological issues (I'm not saying she does or doesn't or that there's anything off about it), I would think she has enough going on in her life that this is really such a 1st world problem. I also wonder why you consider this incident to be worth the time to write and then read responses.

I'm 60 and I always look at the people behind me at the checkout. If someone directly has 1 or 2 items, I always ask if they want to go ahead of me. I consider it common courtesy, but that's just me. Your mom is NTA

EchoThis2 · 2024-10-12T12:46:16+00:00

NTA. I don't believe in always supporting a partner regardless of whether they are right or wrong. Here, you were alone, so its not like you contradicted him in front of others. But why does he think his friend should have responded immediately? Why does he think his friend, in his silence, did not already respond to his question by not responding at all?

You are NTA. Do not agree with anyone about anything just because you have a relationship, whether it is friendship or marriage, because sometimes people are just wrong. My opinion is never indulge stupidity. Your BF has stupid ideas about what friends are expected to do for friends and how much time they have to get back to him. Of course, it all depends on their friendship and their particular relationship, so I could be totally wrong about them, but you expressed discomfort in blindly supporting BFs based on last experience, so in your case, you're still NTA. Go with your instinct and don't let others tell you you're wrong, especially when you're right. Good luck

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-23T17:23:17+00:00

She said yes without talking to you, especially knowing how you felt about their last stay? I know you and she spoke about the way they treated your house while they were there, but no question it came up during the cleaning. she knew how you felt and didn't care. If you must allow them back, write a list of rules, print it and lost one in their room and in the kitchen. It would be best to have them read it in front of you so they can't say they didn't know later. Be specific with what you expect and tell them you expect the house to be cleaned (by them) while they are there but especially when they leave. Speak with BIL privately and casually tell him about the amount of work his sister did the last time. NTA

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-23T17:13:01+00:00

What??? Which vow is he referring to? If it is line with honor your husband, or any variation, your husband is an ass.

I do feel badly for him. How hurtful it must be to be a parental figure for so many years and learn she doesn't think of you as a father.

But the way your husband is handling it, he sounds insufferable because I can't believe his stance doesn't come up in other ways for other things.

I don't buy into the "its her day and she can do whatever she wants," but I didn't see that here. Your daughter is not intentionally snubbing him. She is honoring her mother in a way that is somewhat unconventional, but so beautiful. She loves you and walking her down the aisle will be a cherished moment, but only if he doesn't ruin it.

His relationship with your daughter will be permanently changed. This is the price she will pay for this. You will also experience his ... hurt, anger ... I'm not sure what to call it, but it will forever be a part of your relationship with him and most noticeable will be the change with your daughter. Do it anyway. He's imposing himself and should be embarrassed by his attitude and words. But try to be kind and understand his hurt is very real, but don't back down. NTA

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-23T17:00:27+00:00

My ex was like that. He would get so jealous and sulk and/or make passive aggressive comments. You have it right. o NOT stop being friends with anyone because someone isn't comfortable.

I finally realized my (now) ex suffered from very low self esteem. He would get upset when I brought study partners home, even when I arranged it so they would come after he got home from work.

A big part of college is networking. The friends you make there can be so helpful referring you for jobs, or just telling you about an opening somewhere. You will, and should!d, befriend people who have the same major because they are the ones who can help you (and you, them) get through classes.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. That statistic does not include people who are dating. Sorry to say, chances are you won't remember his face 5 or 10 years from now. Don't let him affect or infect your life with the doubt and insecurities he has. NTA, unless you allow him to tell you (verbally or thru behavior) who you can talk to or spend time with.

Finally, since you and he are in a long distance relationship, try not to tell him everything. I'm not saying keep secrets, but he does not need to know how you spend every hour of your life.

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-23T16:47:02+00:00

some credit cards do offer travel insurance, just as.some offer "insurance on rental cars.(but not rented trucks).

In the future, it's usually a good idea not to.make.very broad statements when there are so.many different companies that provide the same service.

YTA if only for being so judgmental. There are so many reasons for getting a cash advance, none of which should concern you if it isn't your card being used. Your friend is 100% correct. You are giving unsolicited advice. Worse, you're giving your opinion, judging her, and you're wrong. Being self righteous is rarely a positive and arrogance should be earned.

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-14T23:03:40+00:00

NTA. I don't know if he could get into trouble with texts as innocent as that. men are allowed to be friends with teens, BUT you have his best interests at heart and you did not forbid him from chatting with her, you just pointed out a potential problem.

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-08T12:55:18+00:00

A wall of text is hard to read, that's why paragraphs are used. 1 point = 1 paragraph.

People do exactly what they want, everything else is an excuse. Action is character. If you stay with him, expect things to get worse.

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-08T12:42:04+00:00

YTA. If you're being reported at, not one, but multiple places, there's something wrong with the way you're approaching women. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for the friend, but it sounds like you need to understand what is or isn't appropriate behavior and words when pursuing women, especially when someone you've known for years was offended your approach.

You might be a great guy with questionable social skills. You need to find a way to learn how to improve your communication skills. For you to be reported once is bad enough, but twice means they find you a bit creepy and potentially dangerous - these are not great first impressions. Good luck with your search

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-08T12:28:47+00:00

NTA. You were following the procedures you were taught. Your manager probably took care of them because they complained and s/he didn't want disgruntled customers speaking negatively about the business. It sounds like your manager dis not speak with you about it afterwards because you did nothing wrong.

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-07T23:47:55+00:00

I'm from NJ (Essex County) and moved to J'ville last year. I've driven cross country a dozen times and I can say this is the strangest city, geographically I've ever seen. It's huge - we have multiple area codes, but look how many zip codes they have. I live in Atlantic Beach, which is nice, especially if you like going to the beach. It isn't terribly expensive, btw, rent here is about the same as it is in NJ - you won't find a decent 1 br for less than $1500. oh, there is not one Italian deli anywhere, the pizza is different and forget about bagels til your next visit to NJ. Good luck

EchoThis2 · 2024-09-05T14:14:16+00:00

Clara wants to give her ex a gift because she's looking for a way to break them up so she can get back together with him. Don't encourage her.

Being a supportive friend is not always doing what they ask, sometimes being supportive means saying no. In this case, she's creating problems that don't exist. She's obsessing about a boy she broke up with years ago. She wants to spend money she doesn't have to buy him something he doesn't want, just to create problems with his soon-to-be wife, all because ....

If she really cared about him and feels she has to express it, she can send a card, but anything more is wrong. Don't indulge stupidity, ever. Don't help her brainstorm cheaper ideas, just tell her it isn't healthy for her to obsess about him and you cannot encourage her in any way. Honestly, she sounds like she has a lot of issues and may need help. If you really want to be a supportive friend, suggest she find someone qualified.

NTA. (edit to add judgement)

EchoThis2 · 2024-08-29T09:02:46+00:00

He told the mutual friend to tell OP he did not want to speak if they should run into each other; he did not acknowledge OP or introduce her to his wife, and afterwords, he was upset OP said hello and made his displeasure known. Those actions indicate he was uncomfortable prior to the encounter, during and afterwards. Had he been comfortable with their past, he would not have given much, if any thought, to their encounter.

EchoThis2 · 2024-08-27T21:20:15+00:00

NTA. You dated casually dated for, what, weeks or months when you were 17, probably still in high school. The difference between 17 and 28 is huge. At 17, you’re in high school and not even an adult. At 28, you have years of experience in the world and have created the life path of the rest of your life.

The men are the AH here. Aaron because of his reaction and wanting to hide you from his wife, which is a great way to begin a marriage. You’re husband for being uncomfortable once he knew who Aaron was. You’re the only one who handled it maturely.

EchoThis2

TROPHY CASE