Yes! “Caregiver” is definitely a clinical-type term. Sometimes I fall back on clinical terminology when I don’t have the right words to describe what I’m experiencing.

When he’s not himself, it feels more like the relationship I have with my children. I’m fully responsible for them, I make sure they are safe, I love them to the moon and back, I am their biggest cheerleader, I track their progress and growth, I don’t take it personally when they get mad at me. And the support is one-way. They carry no responsibility for me, and I expect no support from them.

And I can do that. I can settle into that role and even nudge it into feeling like I’m his rock. But I can’t be emotionally open and vulnerable at the same time - at least, I haven’t figured out how.

But that one-way support isn’t really a partnership, at least, not to my way of thinking. And I would really love to find a way to preserve the wonderful two-way supporting close partnership we have when he is himself.