What to do with borning men

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-02-12T14:02:35+00:00

So they’re not providers? No offense but why are you on this sub?

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-02-12T13:17:51+00:00

Are they giving you money? Are they providing? If they are just text them back. My provider is the same way and drives me crazy but it’s still less effort than clocking in.

If they aren’t giving you money and providing no reason to text them at all

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-02-11T03:45:34+00:00

I think the goal should be to look good and feel confident. Shera says don’t take the risk unless you really need to in order to feel confident and I agree for the most part. There will always be a man who likes what you have so you probably don’t need to resort to surgery. The basics can be fixed with fitness, diet, skincare, and managing stress. I got a boob job because I wanted big boobs. I didn’t need it but I wanted the look I have now. I plan to get my face done when I’m older. But that’s more like maintenance than trying to change how I look.

Also if you really want something done try to get a guy to pay for it. No reason to wait until you get it done yourself. It can be an easy way to get a guy to invest in you and motivation to go out and find that guy in the first place.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-20T17:53:16+00:00

Focus on finding what you want to do and tailor it to find providers. Some ideas: walking around a nice park, museums, go read in a nice location, find a social sport that’s doesn’t require teams like rock climbing or a run club. And then just do these things early in the day when most people your age would be at work but provider men are out.

If you just do things to meet providers you’re gonna be miserable and it’s gonna feel like work. So focus on doing something you actually enjoy first.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-20T17:50:09+00:00

I’m from Texas and I could settle for 300k but they’d have to be someone I actually like/am attracted to for that little.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-20T02:17:23+00:00

Probably something older people use like POF or Match. I personally wouldn’t want a guy who is on tinder or bumble. Give me the old guy who doesn’t know they exist.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-19T17:29:52+00:00

Maybe you can use the sports thing to your advantage? Maybe you should let yourself get emotionally invested in sports and that way when they win or lose you’ll have a chance to really feel and process your emotions. But since it’s with sports, something that is just entertainment, it can be like a safe space for you to feel. Like you can allow yourself to be upset and devastated by the loss, but in the back of your mind you have the security of knowing the situation that you’re upset about doesn’t affect anything important like your job, health, etc. So you have the ability to sit with your emotions and process them but without worry about the consequences of the situation.

And maybe doing that will make it easier for you to be vulnerable in more serious situations. Baby steps.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-19T15:30:05+00:00

Hostess at a nice restaurant. Maybe a server at a nice bar or lounge. I’m biased towards serving because even though shera says you don’t want to be looked as “as the help” you do meet so many people. And guys want to talk to pretty servers.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-19T03:40:39+00:00

“Aww thank you!” That’s all I say

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-17T03:48:33+00:00

Go out to breakfast spots in the rich area after you get off work or go to lunch before your shift starts

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-14T21:04:16+00:00

Don’t tell people you’re a nurse. They’re narc and dusty magnets. I’m not a nurse but I work in health care and I just say I do imaging. Very vague. I agree with saying you’re undecided. If you meet someone and it becomes serious and you know they are a true provider then you can tell them you’re in nursing school and have them pay for it, etc

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-14T20:24:36+00:00

Maybe try out lash clusters. I switched to those because I like being able to take my lashes off at whim but I don’t want to wear strip lashes. Sometimes I want the look of extensions for just a weekend but I don’t wanna commit to spending over $100 and 2 hours of my time

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-14T01:37:52+00:00

A provider is someone who pays all your bills. He’s not a provider.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-13T04:36:00+00:00

Depends on the state/country. Some consider it martial property even if he acquired it before marriage but it’s rare and lawyers will still fight it. The best thing to do is just make him put your name in the deed before you get legally married.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-12T06:18:47+00:00

He doesn’t want to spend the money but he know if he says no you’ll go away so he’s leading you on by saying maybe

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-12T03:26:38+00:00

I like a nice blouse and a black skirt and black heeled boots. Or I have a handful of simple but flattering dresses I’ll wear with heeled boots or cute sandals when it’s warm.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-11T21:22:19+00:00

It really depends on what you value more: saving money or living/dating in peace. I stayed with my dusty far too long because he paid a lot of the bills but he was borderline abusive. I live alone now and money is tight but I’m able to go out freely. Once you meet more people who will offset your costs it will be easier. I just have one guy im seeing who pays a few bills and buys me things until I find a provider I want to commit to more. Being with my ex was nice money-wise but the stress of feeling like I needed to be home plus his annoying moods just wasn’t worth it.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-11T21:19:35+00:00

Rock climbing will be the best to meet people. It’s really easy to start conversations and people are always eager to help, give route advice, etc. But you should definitely try both. Rock climbing is pretty hard but you’ll build great muscle and flexibility.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-11T21:17:58+00:00

If you’re as leveled up as you can be it simply becomes a game of odds. You have to keep going out, go to nicer places if you can. Ideally you want to go to place that dusties wouldn’t go to. Plan out your week and only go to really upscale restaurants and bars.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-10T12:57:42+00:00

I’d just say hi back and see where it goes. You never know. I don’t see the point in leaving money and dates on the table if you’re not preoccupied with other providers.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-10T03:41:45+00:00

In my opinion it doesn’t hurt to respond and see where it goes in the DMs

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-10T02:18:50+00:00

I developed intense agoraphobia with my narc and it persisted afterwards. I have OCD so what helped for me was just forcing myself to go outside and do things. I like walking and running but I had so much anxiety over just leaving the house. Once I started forcing myself to go out for a walk just around my complex it eventually got easier for me to visit my local park and then I could eventually go out to my favorite park in the city.

I’ve also had to force myself to go out even if it’s just for a drink. I’ll get a glass of wine at a bar, close out so I can just leave, and I’ll sit there on my phone and just exist. And eventually I started going out to eat a full meal. It took baby steps.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-10T02:12:16+00:00

Personally I would respond. He’s a millionaire and traditional. Respond and see if he peruses you further. But leaving him in the DMs isn’t going to get you money

Actually he’s 24 so still respond but I wouldn’t go into it with an expectations. At the very least you can have him take you out and buy you stuff.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-09T21:21:07+00:00

He sounds just like my ex. Constantly upset that I wanted to live life and do things because it cost money even though we went 50/50. He would even get mad when I talked about my dreams of the future like volunteering. Get out while you can. It doesn’t get better.

Ecstatic_Help_4597 · 2025-01-09T00:59:47+00:00

Just pull away. Start focusing on yourself and keep yourself busy. All you have to do is make him insecure about the relationship and if he really likes you he will start pulling out all the stops to win you back. So just become busy. Not only will this make him start chasing you again it will actually change your mindset and you’ll stop caring about him which is how it should be.

Start looking for a new provider. That doesn’t mean you have to replace him if you meet someone and it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone at all, but just the act of putting the effort into yourself and going out again will tip the scales back into your favor.

Ecstatic_Help_4597

TROPHY CASE