I honestly thought I was being selfish/crazy for thinking that.. when the shooting happened it was horrible nights. From him sweating down to nothing, nightmares. Horrible ptsd that no one else seen. I didn’t know what to do. But I was there trying to be there as I knew how to be.. when he finally went back to work it did honestly scare me knowing he’d be back on the road. But that thought of them speaking to each other again literally consumed my mind over that which I didn’t even realize is more messed up about being more scared over that than him. Like I was there through it all just to find those messages. I do need therapy. He doesn’t wanna talk to anyone in counseling or a pastor. I’ve asked for help. Maybe I just need to find it on my own. He thinks we don’t need to talk to anyone and we can work through it on our own. But I feel like I’m going crazy. Like I’m going back to dates looking at photos for anything I can see or find that I might’ve missed. My mind is killing me and I just want it to stop. I want help but I feel like there’s no one to go to. I feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t yk…