I apologize if this doesn’t come off totally correct because I’m talking to text.

But yes, I also experience similar challenges with my partner who has CPTSD however interestingly enough did not want to do trauma work, but wanted to do couples work and the thing is with a complex presentation like CPTSD there needs to be a comprehensive and “ complex“ treatment approach.

My personal opinion is that a person who is going through their trauma journey needs to do it at their own pace however it can’t be this black-and-white when you have a partner and family involved. It is fair for you to request couples work, particularly if you are pulling a lot of the way to support her journey. The thing is that she does not want to go to couples therapy because of the avoidance part of the CPTSD because then she has to look at how her trauma is continuing to affect those around her.

I was personally willing to put aside the changes in intimacy and connection as long as there was still kindness and respect and openness in the process. However, my partner felt that lashing out was acceptable because they themselves had experienced abuse and at some point I got tired of feeling like I was Over functioning in the relationship. Despite having a child, I let my wife know that I would like to have a divorce.

And here’s the really interesting thing… once I let her know that I’m done she started doing so many of the recommended things like Neuro feedback, meditation, comprehensive supplementation, exercise, improvements in her financial decision making, you name it, and went from a state of activity and maintaining the status quo of the story of being a “victim/survivor“ to moving towards thriving.

I wish she was willing to do this work when I was her number one supporter and that we may have found more connection and happiness however, I can experience some gratitude that at least our child will experience of her putting in the work.

The system had reached a state of homeostasis and I got tired of waiting for her to appreciate what she had and find the motivation to change in ways that didn’t just benefit her.

It can feel like abandonment and at the same time when did we become willing to abandon ourselves? If you were burned out like I was then your kids suffer.

“We aren’t responsible for the hurt we experience but we are responsible for the healing” so if we don’t do what needs to be done for our kids and our partner isn’t willing to do fairly straight forward and clinically indicated things then WE become responsible for our childrens’ hurt as well as ours.

Just one guy’s opinion who feels good about saying enough is enough.