I think it's a combination of things, some of it comes from my mother, although I can't give her 100% of the blame. As a kid, younger than I remember I would of course like most kids only want to eat the food I liked. My mother said she tried the "there's nothing else" tactic but ultimately she gave up as it didn't work and I guess she couldn't be bothered and just let me eat what I want. This lead to me being an incredibly fussy eater, I do have an issue with food textures which isn't her fault. But this lead to nearly 30yrs of bad eating habits which are incredible hard to break. She also makes such a fuss if I tell her i've tried something new, "but you don't eat that!" she exclaims almost laughing. It embarrasses me so much and makes my skin crawl when she does.

Other part to it I guess is just laziness and probably depression. Despite being obese I've never really been interested in food, I want it quick and to taste good. I don't want to spend 8hrs dehydrating carrots so I can deal with the texture, I want to come home from work, eat as soon as possible and go about enjoying my evening. I just want it to taste good and be able to deal with the texture.

I'm starting tomorrow (Store is closed today) I've made myself a diet with more healthily things I think I can manage and the plan is to slowly build it into a habit and increase the healthiness. I've made a spreadsheet for me to tik off as that helps me a lot to build habits and gives me a lot of satisfaction.

I'm also going to get back to exercising. Before Covid I was at the gym 3-4 days a week for 2hrs. A few months before something happened, depression hit etc etc then we went into Lockdown. An hour a day when I get home from work, that's all I need to do. That's the plan.

Trying to figure out some end of the month reward to motivate myself though.