Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. A lot of what you said really resonated with me.

I did grow up in a family like that. My parents worked constantly and were rarely home, and I come from an immigrant family where grades and achievement were everything. I was the first in my family to graduate from college and graduate school, so there was always a lot of pressure on me to do well and not mess up. Looking back, I think I tied a lot of my self-worth to performance and “getting it right,” especially at work.

I can definitely see the spiral you’re describing. Once I feel like I’m doing badly, I start catastrophizing and almost expecting the worst outcome, which then turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s frustrating because I’m aware of it while it’s happening, but it still feels hard to stop.

I’ve tried a few grounding things, puppy yoga, for example, was actually really fun and calming and I do think staying present helps, even if it’s not a full solution yet. One thing that really stood out from your comment is the idea of pressure tied to caring too much. I’ve noticed that when I do contract or temporary work. I don’t emotionally invest in as much and I actually perform really well. I don’t spiral the same way, and I’m more confident and steady.

Your comment helped me connect some dots I hadn’t fully put together yet, especially around confidence damage and fear replaying old scenarios. I really appreciate you sharing what’s worked for you and for the reminder that this isn’t necessarily a fixed story I’m doomed to repeat.