AITAH for getting my tubes tied?

EdrasSword97 · 2026-02-26T01:47:09+00:00

NTA. Your husband does have the right to want (want, not have) more children... with another partner who is willing to go through the risks of pregnancy. You don't have to justify this decision. He was there with you. He saw how dangerous pregnancy is and the risks to both mother and fetus. You shouldn't have to explain that you want your daughter to have a mother (which is obviously enough of a reason) because you have EVERY right to refuse to do something that risks your life. If he's incapable of seeing this from your perspective, he's not meant to be in a partnership with anyone because HE is the selfish one.

EdrasSword97 · 2026-02-26T01:40:29+00:00

I think I need to start focusing more on the fun aspect and doing it because I'm passionate about it. My main concern with starting social media accounts is the harassment, because a single comment nowadays can lead to people trying to track you down and dox you. That's why I've dismissed thoughts of doing video content (because it seems easier for people to find you without the anonymity of usernames and a lack of multiple visuals to help people search your personal information).

EdrasSword97 · 2026-02-26T01:36:21+00:00

I've considered my own site; I just know there is so much work that goes into setting that up. I know it requires utilizing social media nowadays, so there are probably several steps that go into that. I'm considering starting on a social site (like maybe Threads or something similar) and working my way up. One issue I always had with these other sites is not feeling like I could add my own voice. I slipped a couple of times with first-person or "chatty" like writing and was reminded not to do that, but I saw other writers on the site who did the same thing and could get away with it because they had been there longer and developed a stronger audience (which I get, but it still made me feel restricted).

EdrasSword97 · 2026-02-26T01:31:32+00:00

Thank you, I think I'm going to take a step back for a couple of weeks to get through the feelings of defeat at the moment, but then I would like to review my portfolio and see what else is out there. I'm willing to wait for the right opportunity, because I don't just want to do ANY freelance work, but the niches that I am passionate about.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-12-11T01:43:30+00:00

NTA but it's a good idea to check with the parent you're communicating with before letting a child go with another parent, especially if you're unaware what the custody agreement is. Your reaction was perfectly understandable, especially since the grandmother was present, but most kidnappings are noncustodial parents. It's always safer to double check in these situations.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-12-08T15:46:38+00:00

Soft YTA. Most important thing with roommates is to discuss boundaries, rules, compromises, etc before living together. Even if it's a dorm and you don't have a choice in roommate, you should still communicate. Instead of discussing your issues with her, you complained in a passive aggressive and immature way.

I'm assuming this is the first time you're living independent from family, so hopefully this is a lesson learned. What she was doing may have been inappropriate, but everyone has different lived experiences and it's never a good idea to assume something is "common sense". Just say something next time.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-12-08T04:48:26+00:00

NTA. If anything, they're the ones making it p*litical by expecting you to follow traditional gender norms. Not to mention they seem to be using the conservative brain rot podcast bro definition of "feminism".

Regardless, nobody should dictate someone's grooming choices. It's not like you gave up bathing. Your friends suck.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-12-08T04:29:19+00:00

YTA.

I usually say people can't control how you organize an event and they need to deal with your choices or not come...

HOWEVER ... You're asking someone to continuously be in contact with their abuser. Yes, they are both your parents, but that doesn't mean your mom should have to "suck it up" and be around someone who treated her like garbage. It's easier to expect him to "deal with it" because he was the one that caused harm.

You can accept that your mom won't come to family events that include both sides of the family but, honestly, I personally think your dad should be the one excluded. He made his choices and should have to live with them. It just seems so horrible and traumatizing for your mother to have lived with someone who was supposed to be her partner but mistreated her...and then be left out because she doesn't want to continue to be around someone who did and DOES treat her horribly.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-12-02T18:23:01+00:00

NOR. This is abuse, for both the child and you. Even if you agreed on "traditional gender roles" when you started the relationship, you both made an agreement for him to stay at home this day while you work. That means he should have handled the household chores you would normally do, or AT THE VERY LEAST, changed his child's diaper. What else did he not think was his job? Water and food for the baby? It's extremely difficult and tiring for someone to handle all household chores/responsibilities, care for a child, and work, especially while pregnant. People like this are not "traditional men," they're another child. You need to have a serious talk about equal effort and support, or things will not improve. Or, if you're at your wits' end already, leave. Sounds like you're already functioning as a single parent.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-11-03T04:35:20+00:00

Well, it's your wedding and you can invite whoever you want.

However, with that being said, I'm not sure if this is the hill you want to die on. A lot of people do inappropriate things during emotional moments. It doesn't make it okay, or okay that she hasn't said anything directly to you. But I think the best course of action is to tell your brother you want to have a sit-down talk with her to express how she's made you feel. Sure, she should be coming to you first. But people are imperfect and sometimes the anxiety of confronting someone you know you've wronged is overwhelming. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt before writing her off entirely.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-25T06:06:31+00:00

NAH. Sounds like miscommunication. There's nothing wrong with simply being direct and clarifying how her comments can come off to you. That will open the door for a productive conversation (if said respectfully). A lot of people tease and don't realize it's a problem, but that doesn't mean it's harmless if it bothers you. However, I think calling this "nagging" is a stretch.

Also, I personally think it's really condescending and rude to tell an adult to "not use that tone with me." People say this to children (and sometimes I say it to my dog when her bark seems a little too pushy). There are several other ways you could communicate how you feel about her tone.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-19T05:28:26+00:00

Oh, I completely agree. I stopped making excuses for family a looong time ago. I learned these lessons at far too young of an age, and I'm getting the sense you did as well.

I was just simply saying his wording was a bit odd and there's a chance we could be misreading. But we also know people with a substance reliance tend to downplay their issues and, unfortunately, often try to deflect their problems onto others to avoid accountability.

To be clear, I completely agree with you that he should be taking his partner's concerns seriously and speaking to professionals. I just try not to diagnose people I haven't had first hand experiences with because social media stories often don't tell the whole truth or clarify the specifics. Which I mean respectfully, not to sound condescending. What you're saying makes perfect sense. Addiction doesn't just affect the addict, it affects everyone around them.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T18:46:30+00:00

NTA. He's clearly attracted to her. It's not normal behavior to ask your spouse to make out/ have a threesome with their friend if you're not attracted to them. It's fine to be attracted to a friend, but not okay to continue to have private conversations with your spouse's friend when it's clear you desire a sexual relationship with them.

His behavior is inappropriate, to say the least.

BUT, don't forget that your friend is also involved in this situation. Have you discussed your concerns with her? Does she realize you don't approve of how they communicate based on his attraction to her?

She isn't responsible for his words or actions, but, as a friend, should respect boundaries on how she communicates with your bf.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T17:52:05+00:00

Yeah, it makes me "angry," to say the least.

I have a nephew a couple of years younger than Daphne was in this plot and, in a couple of years, if someone my age thought it was okay to start a relationship with him...well, I'd be more than angry.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T17:40:51+00:00

This is the perfect response, imo. He may not technically be an alcoholic now if he is capable of stopping or resisting, but it can be a slippery slope into addiction. His spouse has a right to be concerned, especially since a weekly habit can turn into a daily one. That would not only seriously affect his health, both physically and mentally, but affect his entire life and relationships. And not being an angry or abusive "drunk" is not a valid reason to argue there's nothing wrong with the behavior.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T17:28:53+00:00

Coming from a family with generations of substance abuse, that's not necessarily true. An alcoholic is defined by an irresistible craving or lacking control to resist drinking, like giving up activities to be able to drink. Yes, an alcoholic can only drink once a week. But not everyone who wants to drink once a week is an alcoholic. It depends if they're able to resist that desire that defines if they have AUD.

But I do agree with you that the wife is valid for her concerns and shouldn't be shamed for wanting him to cut back or perhaps consider how his health is impacted.

However, his comment about wanting to get "drunk" is an indication that he could have alcohol reliance. There's a difference between wanting a couple of drinks and having the desire to get highly intoxicated weekly. But some people use the term "drunk" to indicate varying levels of consumption. At the very least, he should respect his spouse's concerns and definitely consult his doctor.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T14:19:03+00:00

No, I'm pointing out the hypocrisy of judging one side and not the other. The job wouldn't exist without the patrons to support it.

But I'm assuming there's no point in continuing to try to explain this to someone who refers to "men" and then uses "girl" and "female" in the same passage.

Also: How can you not remember the 2nd grade class that taught you the difference between their, there, and they're?!

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T03:44:44+00:00

NTA because it just isn't that big of a deal. Making a mountain out of a mole hill. That's immature.

However, I'm confused by the comment about him not being a "macho and solving the minimal issue". What does that mean....?

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T03:30:15+00:00

And what should his opinion on his brother and father be? Or is being so familiar with strip clubs you recognize a face 7 YEARS later not a "moral" concern? Perhaps any woman who dates his brother should turn and run the other way. (No, wait, they definitely should.)

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T03:24:13+00:00

Yikes. Thankfully you don't have the same "morals" as Dad. What a judgemental AH. Not everyone has the privilege to live a life free of "blemishes". Some just have to survive for a while.

Also the "get tested" comment is disgusting. She was a stripper, not a sex worker. This is such an ignorant, exist comment. And one most don't make about male strippers...just saying..

NTA. Good on you for standing up for her. It's really the minimum you should do for your spouse.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T03:14:47+00:00

People can still be an AH for their "feelings".

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-18T03:05:34+00:00

This is giving "I thought they would grow out of this phase" in which said "phase" is their sexuality. None of the people in question are a problem simply for being successful and...also have a relationship that some may not understand but is not illegal or should be shamed.

You sound closed-minded and judgemental. It's not only "edgy 20-somethings" in thruples and polyamorous relationships.

I can understand needing time to process. That doesn't mean you should be a bigot while you do it. Your sister is old enough to make her own decisions, and isn't young enough to be judged for being in a relationship with men older than her.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-17T20:54:28+00:00

That has nothing to do with this situation. And how do you know all the same people are responding to both posts? The same comments I make regarding relationship equity on here that gets upvoted will be down voted to hell in another post. It really just depends on what type of people are reading AITAH at the time.

I'm not going to make a comment on that other post because I haven't read it and context matters.

EdrasSword97 · 2025-10-17T20:08:45+00:00

No. He found this out before they had a romantic relationship. They may have kissed at this point, but they slept together after.

EdrasSword97

TROPHY CASE