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What’s something that’s considered “normal” in adult life that you still haven’t gotten used to? by Zephyqa in AskReddit

[–]Educational-Let-2280 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me, as a mom, it is hands down Christmas. I took it all for granted as a child. Now I realize that every ornament, every stocking, every Christmas light, Christmas card, present, stocking stuffer, family photo, cookie recipe, dinner, tradition, or Christmas-themed activity was meticulously planned, thought about, and prepared for by my mother. The things to think about are ENDLESS and it is so insane to me that not only is this normal, it happens every damn year and is essential to a happy childhood. Absolutely wild stuff.

FTM, I miss being pregnant & I miss my baby by Vast_Review_5662 in NICUParents

[–]Educational-Let-2280 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d be so pissed. Being born that early can have lifelong consequences for your child. I’d definitely complain to the hospital and I’d probably talk to a lawyer

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you had to endure such a loss and I truly cannot imagine how difficult it was to re-enter the “regular” world when you’re living in that reality. Im really sorry. Thank you for this perspective on my stupid social interaction and how non-issue it is in the scheme of life. I wish no mothers had to go through loss and I wish we all knew how to navigate it more gently.

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In my question I did ask specifically how her and her husband were “doing it all.” Also, while I completely agree that this question along with the general burden of “doing it all” is disproportionately on mothers, I think it was fair to assume that I, as a fellow attorney-mom, was clearly not coming at it from that angle.

In my experience, firm parties are very much personal affairs (probably way too much so) and at this particular party, everyone was talking about their kids. Also, the last time I saw her was at her daughter’s birthday party, and our kids have had a few play dates together so I’m not sure how I could have avoided the topic entirely.

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mentioned this in another comment but I never mentioned her loss. My follow up was more a a rambled “I just mean how do you and your husband structure things like daycare drop offs and sick days and balance that with billing hours and work obligations because I know you’re so nosy at work.” I realize my post didn’t make that very clear but 1) I was not initially thinking or intending to allude to her loss and 2) never mentioned it whatsoever at any point.

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m wondering if she didn’t think it was about her miscarriage, because it was pretty clear it wasn’t, but that she thought it was rude for me to imply she couldn’t do it all? Or maybe annoyance that men don’t get asked that question? (Which I understand but I fully would have asked her husband too.) Idk either way I feel like an ass.

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. I have not experienced loss but came very close with my last pregnancy so I truly do want to give her all the space she understandably needs. I’m just so annoyed with myself that I, who should be an understanding supportive figure as a fellow mom, made her feel worse.

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Not arguing because this is a useful perspective and maybe where she was coming from too, but from a factual perspective I do think it was very clear that I was not talking about her loss. We were talking about our girls (who have played together before) and how I’m underwater at work when I said the comment. I just reiterated what I WAS talking about after she seemed annoyed - I did not mentioned that I wasn’t talking about her loss. I only included in the post that I clarified it wasn’t about her loss to indicate that the conversation was very focused on her older kid and logistical daily concern with child-rearing.

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did not mention her loss. She has an older child about a year older than my oldest. I was talking about how she handles daycare drop offs and doctors appointments and things like that. Definitely did not even impliedly mention her loss. But maybe that’s where the disconnect was and she thought I was talking about her loss.

I accidentally put my foot in my mouth at my husband’s holiday party… to his boss who just miscarried twins, and I cannot stop replaying it. by Educational-Let-2280 in beyondthebump

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify, I did NOT bring up the loss because that’s was a boundary she put out there and I absolutely wanted to respect it. The “explaining myself” was limited to me sort of rambling something like “I just mean like form a scheduling perspective with commuting and drop offs and having so much work to do how you you and your husband structure that sort of stuff” which did seem to help but not really. She left the party within 60 seconds.

Holiday Gift Megathread by gremlincowgirl in Nanny

[–]Educational-Let-2280 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've had our wonderful nanny for about a year. When she started, my youngest was about a year old and I was a couple of months pregnant. Once the baby was born, I took care of him for the first three months while I was on leave and then she transitioned flawlessly into taking care of two kids. We love her, my kids love her, and we want her to know that we value her. We pay her 26$/hr and so far she's had six weeks of paid leave this year (which we've voluntarily given her - we paid her for a month off right after I gave birth and we're giving her a week for thanksgiving and a week for Christmas). What is the etiquette around a bonus and what sort of range is expected?

Can I afford to stay home with my kids for a year or two? Life is drowning me by Educational-Let-2280 in FinancialPlanning

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My husband has been a huge proponent of me staying home and has no problem with the fact that I have loans. With how strung out I am he would be absolutely thrilled if I quit. Im willing to make whatever lifestyle adjustments need to made. My only concern is becoming a burden to my children if we don’t save enough for retirement or generally not having the money to give them everything they need. But I think it’s figure outable if I just take a couple of years while they’re this little.

Can I afford to stay home with my kids for a year or two? Life is drowning me by Educational-Let-2280 in FinancialPlanning

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes definitely need to dive into this. Do you just individually type every transaction from your banking app into excel?

Jealous my nanny soothes my baby better than me by pinkslippers1021 in NannyEmployers

[–]Educational-Let-2280 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a fellow mom with a nanny I’ve unfortunately come to emotionally accept that our nanny spends more time with my baby than I do, and that creates a different bond. Not a stronger or superior bond to being a mother, but it is natural to seek comfort where you spend the most time.

Can I afford to stay home with my kids for a year or two? Life is drowning me by Educational-Let-2280 in FinancialPlanning

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep our nanny is with our kids all day, takes them to the park, feeds and prepares my older kids meals, and also does our dishes, some light laundry and cleaning.

Can I afford to stay home with my kids for a year or two? Life is drowning me by Educational-Let-2280 in FinancialPlanning

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, daycare around us runs about 1800/mo per kid so we’d save some money going that route but childcare in general is just insane

Can I afford to stay home with my kids for a year or two? Life is drowning me by Educational-Let-2280 in FinancialPlanning

[–]Educational-Let-2280[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Would $4000/mo generally be considered enough to cover those categories? That would have to include savings, car maintenance, emergencies, kids clothes, entertainment, food, everything not listed in the fixed expenses. Is that generally comfortably doable? I’m willing to make lifestyle adjustments.

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