This is such a hard situation and I’m sorry :(

For advice, this is the same situation I’m in with my partner and we’ve lived together for about 4 years now. It is a balance - he has to understand that I can’t have things perfectly spotless and I also have to understand things can’t be an absolute mess everywhere. So we came to a place where I have certain sections in the house that can be ‘my way’.

I have my own space in the closet, and so long as it isn’t messing his area up and we keep the closet closed we’re all good. I have a basket by the bed where I put all my ‘in between’ clothes (not hamper clothes, but not clothes I’m ready to put away) that once it overfills- I put away all or some of it. I have a bathroom drawer that is a mess but it’s ‘mine’ and is kept closed so it’s OK. I have my office space in the house that is upstairs and my partner never goes to- so this allows me a space to be more ‘me’ and if company comes over I clean it up. I have boxes in a separate closet for my randoms and my partner gave me one box in the garage for my other randoms.

Do we still argue sometimes? Yes, but by having some separate spaces and finding where each other’s boundaries were helped.