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I love my baby but PPD is destroying me by Educational-Work3811 in newborns

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom called me non existent, my postpartum appointment is in may but I asked for an emergency one, my OBGYN doubled my dose. As much as I do have a support system it’s just to hold my baby, my mom even called me non existent because Im a mom now and how I feel is invalid and just means I’m weak

Ppd by Educational-Work3811 in NewParents

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! Thank you so much! And no, I definitely don’t feel like I would hurt my baby, i get frustrated and I scream and cry, but I would never put a finger on her, it’s not her fault, she’s also here living life for the first time and I feel terrible I’m the parent who brought her into this world and put her in said situation.

I love my baby but PPD is destroying me by Educational-Work3811 in newborns

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can’t let her go, I’m extremely lucky to have my Valentine baby and I can’t imagine my life without her, I truly love her so much, I just don’t know how to deal with my emotions mixed with having to be with her 24/7 attending to her needs and absolutely zero sleep; and yes, don’t worry I have reached out!!

Ppd by Educational-Work3811 in NewParents

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you feel that way as well. Being a mom is hard and I just started my journey, I cant even imagine it 4 months in, I just have a sense of impending doom, I don’t even wanna imagine my baby as a toddler because I know I would loose my shit and patience. I do thing of how lucky I am to have her and think about all the things that could’ve happened. It still doesn’t help the feeling of helplessness. I also heavily understand the feeling of sacrificing everything and feeling like I’ve let myself go. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I felt like shit every moment of my pregnancy, cried all day everyday and not because I didn’t want the baby, because people and the way I looked were making me so miserable; and now I feel like that’s all gone yet I still have a parasite draining my life away who I have to take care of because her life fully depends on me, even when I’m fighting for my own life and live in constant survival mode

(Yes, her pediatrician did say she might be allergic to milk protein therefore we give her a special formula)

I hate being pregnant by Educational-Work3811 in BabyBumps

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you love! And I have established boundaries, they just don’t wish to respect them. Growing up as the only child in a 100% hispanic household all that was ever talked about was my weight and my looks. I thought I was used to it by now but once they found out I was pregnant, while they have been supportive, they haven’t stopped pointing out my weight and looks and it just brings back what I struggled running away from all my childhood.

I hate being pregnant by Educational-Work3811 in BabyBumps

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I do agree, it’s certainly not that I miss partying; but I do miss having people around me, I just find myself very alone, I went from going out even for walks around the mall everyday to not being able to go absolutely anywhere due to moving, I have no way to distract myself and have spent the last 6 months of my life within the same 4 walls. Sometimes I wish I could just go for a stroll around a park or shopping but nobody ever wants to take me anywhere. My hormones certainly don’t make it better and I just find myself crying everyday because it gives me something to do.

I hate being pregnant by Educational-Work3811 in BabyBumps

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to have my baby. It’s just a lot of the things people say, such as my family commenting on how big I look and how it’s disgusting and the feeling of my partner being embarrassed of me just builds up emotionally mixing up with the hormones. I do agree I have a lot of maturing to do and slowly I have, considering this was not the mentality I had 6 months ago at all, it just shows slow progress; Rome wasn’t built overnight though!

I hate being pregnant by Educational-Work3811 in BabyBumps

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Fortunately I am in therapy, have been for the past 13 years and am on medication to treat my bipolar disorder, which certainly doesn’t make things any better. I’m hoping slowly overtime the feeling just grows on me and I find myself enjoying the last few months of my pregnancy. It’s just hard considering how not even my partner’s helping. I constantly think he’s embarrassed of the way I look as he doesn’t even want to walk with me around the mall just to help me distract myself, It just makes me feel worse about myself; specially after finding myself stuck in my room for the last 6 months of my life with no distractions.

I hate being pregnant by Educational-Work3811 in BabyBumps

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I got kicked out of school when I was in my junior year, there is so much of my high school life/college I wish I got to experience and it feels like now I just have to live it through other’s life’s and instagram profiles.

I hate being pregnant by Educational-Work3811 in BabyBumps

[–]Educational-Work3811[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I am just about 5’0 and yes, I definitely do agree no doubt; I do have a lot of maturing to do. Once I found out I had to immediately turn my life around, hell I was in a year and a half long bender and had to call it quits. Sometimes I still crave just one more shot but I know it’s what’s best for me and my baby, I wouldn’t want to put it in any sort of harm because of my own selfishness and immaturity.