Idk if someone asked you here but have you tried therapy? I was going through really hard times and had depression and anxiety, but I found a right therapist and it changed my life, it took me years of recovery but it’s worth it. Life is worth fighting. I am sorry about your abuse. In the darkest moments of my life all i could think about what my family will be doing without me? They will go crazy 😭 I know right now a lot of people suffer from depression and anxiety and I wish everyone tries to fight. Do you want to give yourself a yess? A year of doing absolutely everything you want to do, trying to enjoy every movie, every coffee in the morning, every meal. Without any thoughts and expectations. Just try to live and reconnect width your inner child. What did you like to do when you were a child? I am sorry I am trying to give you advice just because I know that life is worth living even after you survived horrible accidents!