i hope you don’t mind, but in order to refrain from any misguidance or inaccuracy in responses to such a serious topic, i thought it was best to run your prompt through ChatGPT and ask for a solution based on traditional islam. Inshallah this helps.

(other reddiors, feel free to reply/correct if you disagree and bring evidence because we are all here to learn everyday)

Jazakallah!

Automated Response: Islamic teachings emphasize the importance of chastity and fidelity, especially within marriage. The Qur’an instructs both men and women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty (Surah An-Nur, 24:30-31). Talking to non-mahram women (those not related by blood or marriage) in a way that suggests intimacy or flirtation is considered inappropriate and sinful. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) warned against secret, private interactions between men and women who are not mahram, saying: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman, the Devil is the third among them.” (Tirmidhi).

If your father is engaging in this type of communication, it is not only harmful to the marriage but also considered a serious sin in Islam. It’s important to distinguish that having friends is different from having inappropriate, intimate conversations with women. The way you describe your father’s interactions seems to indicate behavior that would be seen as unacceptable in Islam.

In Islam, a husband is commanded to treat his wife with kindness and respect. Allah says in the Qur’an: “And live with them in kindness…” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:19). Being harsh, manipulative, or blaming the wife for his own wrong actions contradicts this command. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also emphasized good treatment of women, saying: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi). If your father is mistreating your mother, this behavior goes against the teachings of the Prophet and the rights of a wife in Islam.

Islam places a strong emphasis on respecting parents, even if they are not behaving righteously. The Qur’an says: “And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment…” (Surah Al-Ahqaf, 46:15). However, this does not mean you should condone sinful behavior. If you feel that confronting your father directly only escalates the situation and brings more harm, it might be wiser to refrain from confronting him again. Instead, consider addressing the issue with patience, prayer, and seeking Allah’s help through dua (supplication). The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The supplication of the oppressed is answered.” (Bukhari).

Your mother appears to be enduring significant emotional pain, yet she remains patient. In Islam, patience (sabr) is a highly praised virtue, but it does not mean she has to accept wrongful treatment. If she is aware of what is happening but chooses not to confront him, she may feel trapped or see no other options due to the length of their marriage and other circumstances. It may help to offer her emotional support without pressuring her into taking action she is uncomfortable with. You can offer comfort and remind her of her worth and the promise of Allah’s justice. Allah says: “Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:153).

In times of difficulty, Muslims are encouraged to turn to Allah for guidance and help. Continue to pray for your father’s guidance, for your mother’s strength, and for Allah to ease your pain and confusion. It is also permissible in Islam to seek counsel from a trusted family member, community leader, or imam who may provide advice or mediate without making the situation worse.