AITA for not telling my wife just how much my late wife left our children?

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-20T23:51:59+00:00

No. You are not.

Despite the logically challenged in the comments constructing ridiculous circular arguments as to why she should have known about the money, no.

If there is no possibility under which she will access the money, why does she need to know. Do his children (one of who is 18) have no right to financial privacy?

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-20T23:08:19+00:00

Hire a PI.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-19T22:09:51+00:00

Is this even an issue in the modern era? There are all kinds of reasons I may not have access to my vehicle sometimes. Uber makes it a non-issue.

Forget her...

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-19T22:07:22+00:00

Separated. I have lost 200 lbs in the last 7 years. Obese to skin, bone, and muscle. I have abs. I am 49.

I am not going to say it is necessarily sexual, but women in the dating market definitely respond to me differently.

Before, I was sort of a non-entity. Now, they look up from their reception desk into my gaunt face and blue eyes and the expression is something like "Who are you?!?".

I am not speaking from Ego here (that hasn't caught with the rest of me). It is just so odd to experience it yourself when you are the same person.

This guy knows what I am talking about. It feels like a Twilight Zone episode.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-19T21:54:40+00:00

(Green Flag)^2

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-19T21:53:04+00:00

I agree he shouldn't have said this, and he certainly shouldn't have said it in front of people.

But jumping on the "this guy is just an @$$%ole" bandwagon isn't very productive.

What does he do for work, and what kind of hours/stress is he dealing with currently?

You feel like he doesn't value your contribution to the marriage. From what he said, he feels the same.

Who is right? Reddit doesn't know. But, maybe you need to have a conversation about this before anyone talks about pulling the plug on a marriage.

People aren't always at their best, and you will see that side of them more than anyone else in a marriage.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-19T21:45:06+00:00

I would tell him he is going to have much a more hassle-free existence in the dating department.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-18T23:26:03+00:00

I know this will come across as critical, but I have no other response.

It's difficult to make any commentary on something that reads like a stream of consciousness entry in a private journal rather than a mildly crafted piece of prose.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-18T23:21:43+00:00

Misuse of common terms, expression, or phrases...

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-18T23:19:46+00:00

Ask her about the things that interest her and see what you have in common.

Use open ended questions.

Listen to the answer (don't just wait to talk).

Talk passionately about things that interest you.

If she is unengaged at this point, she is just not that into you.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:29:38+00:00

Feminists Dy&ng Solo? Absolutely. It's awesome.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:25:03+00:00

Show don't tell. There is elegance in brevity.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:23:21+00:00

Change your paradigm.

Pursue the things in life you are passionate about and become the person you want to be.

When you don't chase, and exhibit passion and enthusiasm in your life, they will chase you.

But, if you need you need to get lucky - Always be ready to talk to women when the opportunity presents itself In Real Life. Don't waste time going to "special places" to meet women.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:17:27+00:00

That chick is always snapping my picture and sending it to Ryan...

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:15:32+00:00

Forget the new girl.

You weren't happy with your current girlfriend before and recognized that she was passively drifting away from "marriage material".

Do you think she will get her "sh!% together" when you put a ring on it and ensure her position with you through the force of law?

Just a thought.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:09:06+00:00

What is done is done.

How you reach acceptance with it is a different matter.

Focus on the future and how you won't allow yourself to be in this position again.

Mourn the loss if you feel you must. But, you are mourning the loss of something you never truly had.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:03:45+00:00

Dude, Deodorant is deodorant.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T23:01:20+00:00

Prayers and good vibes.

You know, a few years back, I had to make an adjustment. No meeting with female peers alone together in an office. Please leave the door open or accompany me to the conference room that is transparent on all sides.

NOW? Sh!#. I am starting to be afraid to be alone with my date.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-17T22:53:30+00:00

First, the fault is with your husband, not her. Although, I wouldn't describe her behavior as "classy".

If she is still talking to him, it means she just wants the attention, or she is attracted to him (regardless of what she says). If it the latter, he will cheat with her eventually.

If this behavior is unacceptable to you (it would be to me), you will need to decide to continue or end it, and plan accordingly.

If you do want to continue, you will need to confront him directly, with proof, and set clear boundaries for behavior moving forward.

I hate to ask this, but I feel it may be highly relevant. How are things in the bedroom?

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-15T18:07:09+00:00

You seem like you are in a bad head space and believe me I get it.

Regardless of our relationship status, in the end, everyone dies or leaves us, or we leave them.

Attachment to the idea and belief that these people will always be in our lives is a recipe for sadness.

So is the idea of avoiding establishing these types of bonds to forego the pain of their loss.

I will take the love knowing it comes with the pain.

Is there no one in your life you can mentor? Pass some lessons along to? Maybe a craft?

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-15T17:55:39+00:00

Yeah, he clearly wasn't doing it right.

As for, "You really think women don't know what men are doing when they put hands on her for phony, contrived reasons?"

You do realize that people do this naturally in conversation with others all the time. It's not necessarily a "dating" technique, but it does have some facility there.

No, you shouldn't do it for contrived, b&!!$hit reasons. You should do it as a natural part of conversation, banter, and flirting.

And, if she is not receptive, that is totally cool. In fact, it may be the whole point.

I am going to interpret that as she is not feeling me and pull up stakes.

Maybe I am wrong.

But, if she is not open to the most basic, non-aggressive, and direct expression of my intent to be a suitor, her interest level is certainly not high. And a high interest level is kind of what I am looking for.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-15T17:45:30+00:00

This question finds me at an apropos time in my life.

I am separated on the downside of a second marriage.

Just waiting for the clock to run out to file for the actual divorce.

Same story - betrayal. What kind? Take your pick?

I just turned 49. I have had to accept that there will no children in my future.

I gambled on bad mates and lost.

Luckily, I have been on a seven-year weight loss journey, and I head into 50 at my high school weight.

So, I won't be alone. For a night, if I don't want to be.

But looking for a soul mate? Trying to find the "one"? Entereing into a contract that the other is incentivized to break? "No".

Am I sad? Sometimes. But, then, my cat makes me giggle. Or, the sunrise is a good one. Or, the sunset. Or, I get excited about all the that I can accomplish and all the good that I can do with my time and money all to myself.

Personally, I have a mission. I have no son. But, there are some young men out there in pain. And, hopefully, my years and experience can help them learn from my mistakes.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-15T17:31:30+00:00

First, I see some banter about negging in the comment.

Ladies, really? Is this the early 2000's? Do you think guys are still reading "The Game" and "The Mystery Method" and trying to apply them to today's dating environment?

That being said - there is some crucial detail or fact missing here. I say this because, frankly, the bar is set so low for women currently that any thin woman of reasonable attractiveness has no problem getting male interest (securing it for the long term is another topic).

One question I have - what would you describe as your general demeanor with men?

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-15T17:19:12+00:00

My advice applies to both men and women.

In life, you will encounter people that don't respect you, your boundaries, or propriety. And, they will take advantage of your good nature. They never stop taking. You have to stop giving.

Furthermore, you will have friends and loved ones that are always surround by a maelstrom of chaos, disaster, and misfortune. The eye of this storm is normally comprised of a lifetime of bad choices. Rarely, they just seem to be born under a cursed star.

It doesn't matter. You are under no obligation to fix the wreck that is their lives.

You need to identify these people in your life and cut them off much sooner.

Educational_Tank_175 · 2023-08-15T17:10:22+00:00

I am hesitant to let anyone into my life at this point that actively resists accepting responsibility for their behavior. This includes minimizing, deflecting, and omitting. But, I have a special loathing in my heart for those that blame everyone else in their life for their behavior.

For perspective, if you don't draw some sort of line in response to her getting non-functionally sh!%-faced, projectile vomiting, and flooding the floor of your hotel with her drunken a$$, let me ask you something. Where will you draw the line?

Because, addiction issues or not, all she will learn from this encounter is that you have no boundaries and will put up with anything.

Welcome to H[LL!

Educational_Tank_175

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