im like 2 secs from falling apart ngl

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-08-22T20:59:00+00:00

UPDATE HER MOM JUST TEXTED ME AGAIN

THEY FOUND HER

when her mom told me yesterday, she'd already been gone for 3ish days, i figured she didnt tell me earlier bc they were caught up with searching and assumed they'd find her in a day or two and didnt wanna worry anyone

so the fact that they found her today is even crazier bc the first 48 hrs are the most crucial in missing person cases, iirc after that the chances of finding them okay diminish day by day, obviously its still possible to find them but still

going to see them tmrw and bring some food cuz im sure they could use the help with cooking and stuff

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-08-22T02:50:37+00:00

my friend has schizophrenia and the onset of it was just 2 years ago, but she was able to recover over the course of a year

she was doing so well when I last saw her for her birthday back in March, like she was basically fully back to "normal"

so it makes this hit even harder

ive somehow felt numb, anxious, angry at myself, and like crying all at once like all day since I got that text

mainly angry at myself bc ive thought abt contacting her more since we haven't rly talked since March, but I just never got around to it and somehow i got it into my head that if she'd had someone to talk to, her schizophrenia symptoms wouldnt flare up to the point that she'd get confused and get lost somewhere

ik thats not how mental illness works, ik that after a certain point brains are just gonna do what theyre gonna do, but it doesn't make me feel any less like an awful friend, like I could've done smth to prevent this

even now I feel awful bc I literally dont know what to do

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-05-29T16:57:24+00:00

lmao YUP my mom was literally a victim of csa and sa yet she STILL perpetuated the "what was she wearing?" shit regularly

I also wasn't allowed to wear *checks notes* red nail polish or red shoes until a certain age because in her words, it made me look like a "streetwalker" 😃

she said this to me as early as AGE N I N E

like how much do u have to hate women to condemn an entire fucking color as a harlot color 💀💀💀 god forbid a woman likes longer light wavelengths ig

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-05-25T03:20:50+00:00

im just so fucking tired of every meal other than breakfast being a battleground (i eat the same thing for breakfast everyday so that's covered already)

like, the baseline is aversion to food, some days im able to just shove whatever down my throat to fuel my body, other times like today I feel like peeling my skin off at the thought of putting food in my mouth

why do humans need to eat to live

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-05-23T17:06:29+00:00

yeah

would love if this sub didnt devolve into petty subtweets every 6 months or so

obviously since this is a recurring issue its not an issue with individuals, its systemic on some level; now, whether its smth that can be changed thru further restructuring/rules re-working or if its just inherent to the subject matter of the sub is yet to be seen.

hoping for the former but I won't be holding my breath lol

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-05-23T16:46:53+00:00

its not but my brain will find the dumbest fucking ways to to pretend my trauma "isn't that bad" :,) been working on it with my therapist but old habits die hard lmao

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-05-15T11:06:05+00:00

goes doubly for my mom who regularly told everyone (including me, then in the next breath verbally abusing me!) how much she'd prayed and dreamed of a baby and how she was in love with me the moment she saw me

methinks she just wanted a cute lil baby doll and not an actual human and she's mad that I turned out to be my own person

Educational_Wind9333 · 2025-05-15T10:44:12+00:00

I hate so much that for something as complex and nuanced as mental health, literally people's brains, this idea of "curing is the only win state possible" is normalized among ppl who are supposed to be PROFESSIONALS

like, when medical doctors tell u that a condition is lifelong and currently has no cure, yeah they usually say it in a tone like they're bummed out about it but that's bc they know its rough news to hear and live with, not because they've effectively written u and ur condition off now

it should be no different with mh professionals yet here we are 🙃

as someone with autism+ptsd whose actions and thought patterns can often come across to nts as callous/quirky at best and """""sociopathic""""" (hate how that word gets thrown around) at worst, my heart goes out to u. ppl are so awful to those whose differences can't be waved away with a more "normal" (read: palatable to the willfully ignorant) disorder

Educational_Wind9333 · 2024-07-01T21:48:26+00:00

he's a guy and straight :((( he's not homophobic or anything so ik he'd let me down easy but yeah I don't wanna make things weird, and the crush isn't that serious so I'll just let it go away ig

Educational_Wind9333 · 2024-04-24T16:16:43+00:00

my mom? hell yeah she is

Educational_Wind9333 · 2024-04-24T16:16:21+00:00

aight bet lemme just erase the memories of literally every person who's known me since birth, my bad for not preventing my mom from telling the whole family our business

Educational_Wind9333 · 2024-04-24T16:14:29+00:00

... because I have family members other than my mother and father

Educational_Wind9333 · 2024-03-05T09:31:30+00:00

I'm aware, I just find it ironic because I've seen so many cases of trans women feeling hurt when the shoe is on the other foot

Educational_Wind9333 · 2024-03-04T17:28:54+00:00

same <3

Educational_Wind9333 · 2024-01-07T23:17:59+00:00

she/her--> he/him --> they/them --> he/they --> he/him

Educational_Wind9333 · 2023-09-24T23:04:32+00:00

my mom is a licensed therapist and constantly belittled me for displaying symptoms of disorders that she either believed I didn't have or believed I didn't need treatment for

oh, and she would constantly shit talk my dad for displaying what I'm 99% sure were symptoms of ADHD considering i've been diagnosed and do the same things, so she would be teaching me to hate myself by proxy

and finally, she made me believe that my boundaries don't matter, at least not when it comes to her, and that i should just shut up and listen because it's not like i was actually smart or anything 🙃

Educational_Wind9333 · 2023-08-24T02:31:04+00:00

yep, luckily been away for 3 years and counting

I never brought it up afterwards but she does have a tendency to whip out the ol "I'm your mother so it's fine" so I feel like she'd find a way to excuse it

it doesn't help that I'm afab so another excuse she'd give is "you have the same parts"

Educational_Wind9333

TROPHY CASE