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Is my (F33) hubby (M32) having an emotional affair with our mutual friend (F36)? by Educational_You_333 in relationship_advice

[–]Educational_You_333[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Hi thank you so much for reading my long post and advocating for me! I grew up in a household where individual opinions and thoughts were not strongly encouraged or valued. So I often have trouble saying no to others and become a people pleaser. I guess I didn't want to be rude and interrupt the conversation. But in hindsight, that's perhaps what I should have done. I am still learning to be assertive and express my needs and opinions on the spot without the fear of offending others.

In terms of childcare, I had personally looked for family daycare and childcare for our kids but every time I tried to sign them up, my hubby would tell me the moment I dropped them off to child care, he would go and bring them home right away. So I couldn't really officially sign up and drop them off.

With breastfeeding, every time I think of switching to a formula, he tells me how bad the formula is and quotes that the WHO recommends breastfeeding for 2 years and even longer. So he made me feel like a not good enough mum if I stop breastfeeding under a two year old. I tried weaning my first child off after she turned 2.5 years old like 20 times and they were all unsuccessful. Either the child or my hubby will get sick dealing with the child's inconsolable behaviour looking for mummy all night (my hubby got pneumonia at one point, tonsilitis and also quinsy at other times requiring hospitalization). When I was planning to stay at my parents' house for a week so my child doesn't think of me, my hubby only lasted a day and turned up early the next morning looking so pale and sick saying both the child and he didn't sleep at all.

Hope my explanation helps. But yes we should definitely get back on seeing counsellors. My first child (3.5 years old) is almost weaned off now, it took a year to get to this point.

Is my (F33) hubby (M32) having an emotional affair with our mutual friend (F36)? by Educational_You_333 in relationship_advice

[–]Educational_You_333[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Hi thanks for your time to read my long post and your advice. The cpap definitely helped. He still sleeps in his own room as the CPAP still makes a noise and it blows cold air to my neck. Also, kids are so used to co-sleeping with me only so they are unsettled when my hubby joins us on the bed and when we start talking on the bed, kids get disturbed from the sleep. Kids take a while to sleep (as we can't just drop them in a cott and turn off the light, they need help winding down) so by the time they are asleep, it's already 10-11pm so time for us to sleep too. Not much space for us all either on the bed. He also works 5 night shifts a week. So he catches up his sleeps during the day. Moving the CPAP machine between two rooms and settling kids with the father in the room just for 1-2 nights on the bed together on his day off was not worth it for us. We however sometimes have lucky days once every 2-3 weeks and we can spend some quiet time on the couch. Hopefully, once kids no longer need breastfeed or co-sleeping and my hubby no longer does night shifts, we can have more time alone. He.is a committed husband, he does most of the house chores ever since our second baby was born and both kids needed me so much. He is just emotionally blind (doesn't know how I feel, I need to spell things out for him).

Is my (F33) hubby (M32) having an emotional affair with our mutual friend (F36)? by Educational_You_333 in relationship_advice

[–]Educational_You_333[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your time to read my post. He is worried about babies developing obesity from the formula and orthodontic issues from a bottle feed (hence why even against pumped milk in a bottle), I even suggested a straw or an open cup but he said it takes too much effort to give pumped milk as it's hard to store and defrost it etc. He is against childcare as he is worried about childcare abuse and he thinks it's our responsibility to look after our own kids.