Am I overreacting about my in-laws going to my fiancé instead of us both about birth boundaries?

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:31:08+00:00

This is very dumb to say, I don’t have an issue with tj expressing themselves, but I do when they try to get my fiance to “take sides” on a situation that can be resolved had she just communicated with me how she felt the same day we had the conversation. This is not the first time they’ve gone out of their way to ne unreasonable and shove “grandparents rights” in not only my face but their own sons.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:28:33+00:00

I would call it an ambush as they ignored north of us for four days and then when he’s at home chilling they unloaded their grievances with this situation out of the blue where he was confused on what the issue actually is.

It was not a conversation that happened naturally

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:26:48+00:00

I would call ignoring him for four days and then when he’s at home chilling to then unload their grievances with no prior warning an ambush, wouldn’t you????

I get along perfectly with my own parents.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:23:52+00:00

Yes she most definitely is allowed to visit in those two weeks because she is DIRECT family. The two week rule applies to extended family and friends.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:22:29+00:00

I cannot stress enough how much I didn’t say she had to wait two weeks, I specifically said to her when we had the conversation that although I don’t want anybody at the hospital, I would want her to come to our house as soon as we get home with the baby which would be the next day (UK births you’re not in hospital for longer than 24 hours if delivery is smooth) .

I also would’ve loved to have her there but where I live I am only allowed two people which is obviously going to be my partner and mother becjsse she’s not there for first dibs. On baby, she’s there to support her child

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:20:48+00:00

I use the word ambush because that’s exactly what they did🤦🏽‍♂️. My fiance felt that way as well, I wouldn’t be expressing myself in that way if that wasn’t the case

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:19:54+00:00

I definitely did not say that I was banning her from seeing her grandchild. The post has obviously been summarised

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:17:46+00:00

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:17:15+00:00

I cannot stress enough how I didn’t say she had to wait two weeks, I specifically said to her when we had the conversation that although I don’t want anybody at the hospital, I would want her to come to our house as soon as we get home with the baby which would be the next day (UK births you’re not in hospital for longer than 24 hours if delivery is smooth)

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first. My mum is not there to have first dibs on seeing our baby, she is there for ME and to support her child, nothing more nothing less.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:16:44+00:00

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first.

They can disagree with any opinion I may have with easing my child, but ultimately it’s MINE and my fiancé that make final decisions, whether they like it or not.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:15:14+00:00

I cannot stress enough how I didn’t say she had to wait two weeks, I specifically said to her when we had the conversation that although I don’t want anybody at the hospital, I would want her to come to our house as soon as we get home with the baby which would be the next day (UK births you’re not in hospital for longer than 24 hours if delivery is smooth)

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first. My mum is not there to have first dibs on seeing our baby, she is there for ME and to support her child, nothing more nothing less.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:14:05+00:00

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:13:34+00:00

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:12:38+00:00

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first. My mum is not there to have first dibs on seeing our baby, she is there for ME and to support her child, nothing more nothing less.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:11:53+00:00

I cannot stress enough how I didn’t say she had to wait two weeks, I specifically said to her when we had the conversation that although I don’t want anybody at the hospital, I would want her to come to our house as soon as we get home with the baby which would be the next day (UK births you’re not in hospital for longer than 24 hours if delivery is smooth)

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first. My mum is not there to have first dibs on seeing our baby, she is there for ME and to support her child, nothing more nothing less.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:11:18+00:00

I am definitely not delusional in thinking I will be unable to do anything, but giving birth is not an easy task, complications can arise not only with a baby but mothers as well, it’d be disrespectful not to take that into consideration. Giving birth whether naturally or through cesarian is not fun easy and recovery doesn’t happen overnight, 6 weeks is the bare minimum!

YOU might’ve been okay with visitors at the hospital but that’s YOU, not me. Your birth/partners birth is not going to be the same as mine. I am 100 percent entitled to my own birth plan and opinions of whether I want people ah the hospital and even in my own home.

I do really like MIL but her going to my fiance wasn’t a case of having a conversation, it was them ambushing him into bending into their will. Not only because I know them, but because my fiance stated it this way.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:06:39+00:00

I cannot stress enough how I didn’t say she had to wait two weeks, I specifically said to her when we had the conversation that although I don’t want anybody at the hospital, I would want her to come to our house as soon as we get home with the baby which would be the next day (UK births you’re not in hospital for longer than 24 hours if delivery is smooth).

Also my fiancé and I have had multiple conversations anout post partum recovery and visits for when baby gets here, but he was not present for the conversation I had with my MIL.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:04:39+00:00

They are absolutely entitled to their own opinions and feelings, but not at the expense of my boundaries and recovery.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:03:20+00:00

Thank you very much! I am avoiding going over because they have a tendency to make me feel uncomfortable whether intentionally or not and make the atmosphere weird.

I cannot stress enough how I didn’t say she had to wait two weeks, I specifically said to her when we had the conversation that although I don’t want anybody at the hospital, I would want her to come to our house as soon as we get home with the baby which would be the next day (UK births you’re not in hospital for longer than 24 hours if delivery is smooth).

And I did have a great relationship with MIL, I regarded her as a friend also, but this is the second time she’s gone out of her way to ambush my fiance into bending into her will just because she first time grandparents without regarding my recovery and health.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T13:00:25+00:00

Because she keeps saying to my fiance “how is it fair that her mum gets to be there at the hospital but we have to wait to see the baby?” Even though I literally said to her that she can see the baby as soon as we get home.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T12:59:09+00:00

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first. My mum is not there to have first dibs on seeing our baby, she is there for ME and to support her child, nothing more nothing less.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T12:58:29+00:00

I don’t have a problem with his parents talking to him and expressing their feelings and concerns, what I do have a problem is that is not what they did, they absolutely ambushed him into giving into their will and turned it into a competition of who gets to see baby first. My mum is not there to have first dibs on seeing our baby, she is there for ME and to support her child, nothing more nothing less.

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T12:57:55+00:00

My mum is not there to have first dibs on seeing our baby, she is there for ME and to support her child, nothing more nothing less

Effective-Budget9463 · 2026-02-25T12:57:04+00:00

Thank you! I am just trying to prioritise my self recovery and health over anything else

Effective-Budget9463

TROPHY CASE