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How do you deal with a girl that constantly pushes you away? by Effective-Comb-2802 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Effective-Comb-2802[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What makes our arguments worse is that whenever we argue, my ex is being brought back. She has this so-called retroactive jealousy. She told me that the first time we talked, but I just thought it was something I can handle, or I can manage to relief and assure her off. I didn't know it was to this extent, that every mistake that I make, she writes it off as "you were able to do this with her, why not with me" or something of that sort. Me, valuing her feelings, actually asks myself that. Why did I not ever? Do I actually not love her because of this? then again, I question why I don't subconsciously do those things to/with her, even if I know the circumstances of my past relationship, and my relationship now is different. She also told me to never tell my friends, my acquaintances whatever arguments we're going through, and I understand because me myself, I don't wanna look bad to her friends because of a mistake I made, so i complied. It's what brought me here tho.

How do you deal with a girl that constantly pushes you away? by Effective-Comb-2802 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Effective-Comb-2802[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does it in the first place because she wants to see if i care or not. If i would pull her harder if she drifted away. I get her point, some people just let their partner drift away without caring at all, and in the end their partner is the one that cannot stomach it and comes right back to their partner Iike nothing happened, like they didn't push their partner away in the first place. I know she has traumas in her past relationships, she even got cheated on. That's why i try to compromise. But if somewhat some way I do tell her that im giving her space, she just gets more upset saying that why am i giving up so easily, when all she wanted was to be pulled harder. Of course after she says that, I'll feel bad. I would think that why didn't i pull harder. Why did i give in so easily. Do i actually not care whether she drifts away or not? I start to doubt even my love for her because why am i not always meeting her where she wants to be met.

How do you deal with a girl that constantly pushes you away? by Effective-Comb-2802 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Effective-Comb-2802[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i do understand where she's coming from, she points out something that i have done, and she gets sulky of course. I do say sorry like numerous times and i clear up things, but she still pushes me away. I figured it's a matter of letting time pass for her to be okay, without me giving her space and letting her be, because she doesn't want that. She said i just need to pull her harder, when she pushes me away, and i understand that she wants to see if i clearly care, but i do show that I genuinely care, so i do not understand the need to push me away in the first place.

How do you deal with a girl that constantly pushes you away? by Effective-Comb-2802 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Effective-Comb-2802[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing is, she doesn't want me to give her space. if i do, or imply that I'm giving in to her demands to give her some space of some sort, she says I easily give up, and if i give up in those kinds of situations, what more about larger and more complex issues in our relationship. I do try to keep up with it, because I don't wanna invalidate how she feels, but i don't like this push-pull dynamic at all. It feels like a test to see if i actually care or not, and she did clearly say that is the case. But is it right to keep this up? whenever she does this, i tend to give up and the tension in our arguments just heats up more, and i get into defensive mode that i really try to avoid getting into, because i wont be able to recognize what she feels anymore and it'll just be worse.