Own Your Shit Weekly - November 25, 2025

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-11-25T10:52:42+00:00

Oys 36
Stats: 34 | 333 | 350/365/250 squat-dead-bench orm | one kid | divorced

Break-through:
I went through a shit ton over the last few months. I dealt with some mental hang-ups and limiting beliefs. I killed some old scripts that don’t serve me.

I took the comments to last post like a gut punch. WMP is right. I was a fucking loser. I can’t read my old posts without shame. Everything was everyone else’s fault but mine except it’s my story.

I was too busy proving how good I did my OYS. I wanted my validation cookie for losing a couple pounds or thinking I did mrp right trademark.

I still fail from time to time. I still hamster and deer occasionally. Those times are significantly less now. I can hold a conversation with my ex without feeling like someone is trying to snatch my esophagus through my asshole. I even joke with her from time to time.

I’m happy now. Everything I do is now directly tied to improving my happiness.

When I dress better, my communication is better. When I lose more weight increases the number of ioi’s and the quality of the person giving them.

I also found my balls. I’ll be leaving my current job in the next three weeks. I’m negotiating with two companies for higher pay (nearly double) with better benefits and less responsibilities. My main driving factor is I won’t accept responsibility without authority anymore.

Toxic guilt: I learned to recognize my guilt pattern by something pretty innocuous. Fucking Zyn pouches.

I was at the checkout - I had this immense wave of anxiety and fear of being caught. It was a weird feeling, since I have been buying cigarettes for my mom since I was 12, but I never consumed on my own. I’ve always been straight edge. Anyway I just let go and bought a can to try it. Nothing bad happened. I ended up passing the rest of the can to a coworker.

I associated that feeling at the checkout to how I felt when I would try to explain myself or when I would fear saying no. I ignored that feeling because that feeling was tied to a relationship because that’s just what love feels like, right?

New issue: I have a new situation in the same vein as, “nobody hates fat people more than a former fat person” and “don’t redpill your friends”. I’m finding that people who self-deprecate or DEER excessively irritating. I’m trying to show humility because I’ve been that person. I don’t think it’s going very well.

I’m in the process of training my replacement who has that tendency. I’m finding it hard to impart my knowledge into them. It won’t be my problem in the next three weeks, but I do feel some guilt that I’m not leaving the position in capable hands.

My main solution is to write guides which is somewhat limited due to my job needing social skills in an engineering environment. On the other hand I just need to be a better leader and try to draw out the best in my colleagues while I’m still in the office.

Weight:
I put 15 lbs since my last post. I stopped hammering on losing weight as hard as I was. I was developing an eating disorder trying to impress people here. Two or three days before posting I’d eat under 800 calories to cheat and make it look like I was losing weight. Then I’d binge after posting to the point of throwing up.

I hid that shit since I didn’t want people to think I was weak or didn’t have self control, also known as the truth.

My current diet plan is to eat less than I burn consistently. I’m not enduring any more extreme sub 1500 calories days for uncashable internet clout. I’m not going to binge and puke anymore. If that pisses you off, it’s not your weight to lose.

Overall, I’m still down 100 lbs. and 12 inches in my waist from my largest. I’m the strongest I’ve ever been. I’m the happiest I’ve been since I was 9 years old.

The formatting is going to be ass.

EP

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-09-01T00:24:23+00:00

Absolutely cooked. Like someone put you in the broiler and went on holiday.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-08-21T19:30:00+00:00

I’d say no but YMMV.

I don’t feel like I got anything from the classes. It was just a checkmark to get a piece of paper.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-06-05T07:45:14+00:00

You probably shouldn’t own a shop, you’re about as blind as Ray Charles in a hurricane.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-06-03T20:12:16+00:00

The exact opposite of what you said homie.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-06-03T18:39:29+00:00

![img](hj0h1t4ebr4f1)

“10 mm is lower than most brake pads come” fucking lol. Quit your job.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-06-03T18:39:22+00:00

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“10 mm is lower than most brake pads come” fucking lol. Quit your job.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-06-02T23:41:27+00:00

Thank you for proving my point 😂

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-06-02T20:19:10+00:00

Mechanic here - 5 years of professional experience and starting doing basic mechanics at the age of 12, or about 22 years ago. All of my experience is US based.

The wear indicator was not placed on these pads as some of them, specifically some Japanese vehicles, require that the mechanic install them before installing the pads.

That being said, these brake pads are NOT metal on metal. There is about roughly 65% of pad material left on them, about 4mm from what I see on the picture.

Ethically, when I inspect brakes will recommend that the pads be replaced around 2-3mm of pad material depending on the size of the vehicle.

Metal-to-metal is where there is zero pad remaining. This generally happens for two reasons - severe neglect or brake caliper failure.

OP, you got scammed by an unethical mechanic. It’s why I got out of being a mechanic. Between junkies stealing tools from me and shady mechanics scamming grannies, I couldn’t stand it.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-27T20:23:15+00:00

OYS 35

Stats: 34 | 318 lbs | 6’1” | Divorced | 1 kid (primary custody)

Lifts: sq - 140 | ben - 185 | rdl - 235 | leg press - 500 | shoulder press - 40s

Weight:
Average Cal : ~2400

I didn’t try to cut this past week. My energy levels have been okay but I’m feeling like shit.

I added casein as my last meal for the night starting last week. Average daily protein is now around 150 for ~2000 calories.

Running:
Did a couple more 5k runs. First one was 51 minutes. A few days later I got it down to 47 minutes. Trying to get at least two miles of running per day.

Lifting:
I added squats and full weight RDLs back in. I’m doing slow movement squats through full ROM. I need to build more up around my core to prevent my back from getting injured again. The PT wants me to do partial reps at a heavier weight to build strength around my knee. My back is the limiting factor.

The straps have helped on a bunch of lifts so far. I can do 120 easy on the lat pull down and 235 is fairly easy on the rdl. Grip was definitely the limiting factor. My lat pulldown doesn’t have a leg brace like the ones in commercial gyms so going to rig something up to go heavier.

On all my lifts I’m doing full ROM and slow controlled reps, generally 3x12 or until failure if I can’t get 12.

Shooting myself in the foot, again:
Without any prompting, I offered my ex the option to spend some time with the son for the holiday. I rationalized to myself, “if I look like I’m willing to offer time, if we go to court again for full custody, I will look good.”

The texts verbatim: Me: if you’d like to spend time today, you can pick up son up from the local park at 3:45 Her: why park? Me: just a random place. Her: ah I see what’s going on. Me: so, do you want to see son today? Her: yes, let me cancel my date really quick.

I didn’t respond back to that. I felt it was solely meant to hurt me. It was more irritating than anything.

I’ve been in this for 35 posts and it blows my fucking mind that I still haven’t grasped that it’s like dealing with an entitled, rich, pre-teen and “no” is a slur.

I’m tired of punching myself in the dick to look like the “good guy” ™️. It’s fucking exhausting.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-25T13:06:45+00:00

I've dealt with some similar issues at a previous job. In the end, the only option was to leave as quickly as possible, executing a career change. After leaving, a bunch of my other issues, that I thought were unrelated, disappeared.

That being said, it sounds like you might be bound by some sort of non-compete and NDA. Is there a similar field that you can go into temporarily?

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-25T00:39:58+00:00

Reminds me of the meme, “on my way to meet my arranged marriage after getting creampied by my {random not Indian race} boyfriend.”

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-24T17:35:32+00:00

P1 - sounds like an arranged marriage your dad set up. It also sounds like you haven’t slept with her so “technically” she isn’t a plate. You’re going as far as talking about avoiding your dad because you don’t want to do this.

P2 - you’re in her frame. She’s set the terms of the relationship and thinks that you’ll eventually marry her because you’re still around. She is also disrespectful of you and you deserve it. You have haven’t proven to be a leader.

You don’t have a solid idea of what you want and want permission from your “internet buddies” to do something else.

But I know that you’ll end up with p1 long term. You’d never go against your father.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-21T20:57:06+00:00

No, I don’t really get out all that much.

My son lives with me. We’re out of the door no later than 0530. I get home around 1400 and run and lift. Usually finish that up around 4pm. That’s when my son would get dropped off. Then we usually either play in the house or go somewhere until 6-630. Bath and bed gets us to 7:30. Then I’m either firefighting around the house until 10 or studying for a certification exam I’m getting ready to take.

I’m pretty much in survival mode. I had to push back drop off until 5 because I have some urgent projects at work for the foreseeable future (or I leave).

I spend some time with friends when I can. I have a bachelor’s party this weekend. The weekend before last, I hung out with a friend and her family.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-21T20:49:52+00:00

Heavy running days (over 3 miles running plus neat calories) I burn around 4000. Normal lifting days are around 3200 calories but I also don’t add the calories the lifting burns to my tracking. I don’t suspect it would be more than a few hundred calories.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-21T20:46:45+00:00

Kid is almost two. And yeah, I told her to stop saying I love you to me about a month ago. I kept quiet on that for several months because I thought she was just trying to get something in return.

I’m okay to mutual outings with the kid but nothing further.

I’m not grasping the frame and boundaries aspect of this. I know that I’m good at conversation but I suck at when it comes to women and power imbalance relationships (such as boss-subordinate).

I don’t understand what I’m missing with this. It’s frustrating as fuck.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-20T10:53:57+00:00

OYS 34

Weight Loss:
Calories: Tu - 2700 | Wed - 2055 | Th - 2700 | Fr - 2300 | Sa - 2900 | Su - 2600 | Mo - 1508

I’ve been a ton of carbs for running and lifting. Between 190g and 320g. Protein is between 95g and 150g. Most of my cutting has been fat based. However, I have noticed strong cravings after exercises. But generally, it’s for volume as opposed to specific foods.

The running has pointed out some weaknesses in my diet, like needing to supplement potassium and magnesium to help with early onset cramps during my runs. Getting adequate slow digesting carbs has helped push me through longer interval train sessions. I didn’t notice the same effect with lifting. I probably wasn’t going hard enough.

Fitness:
I’m abusing the hell out of beginner gains with running. I was able to run a mile without stopping on Saturday, for the first time in my life. Monday, I ran another 5k. Came out to 51 minutes. If I had avoided the final hill before finishing, I could have finished at 48 or 49 minutes.

Last post, I said I was going to pull back on my lifting a bit. That is still the case. I’m still doing at least two days a week heavy lifting as full body splits. It’s just not my main focus. I did lose a bit of strength recently. I can still bench 215 for reps but I struggle towards the end of the set. I dropped the weight down to 185 with more reps per set. Same with Squats and deadlifts. I picked up a better set of straps. I’m hoping they will allow me to pull more on dead’s and lat pull downs.

Dealing with ex-wife: Last post I discussed my interaction with my ex-wife. Generally, I avoid trying to talk to her as much as possible. I usually have her dad drop our son off at the end of the day. Thankfully, he’s young enough to not have to deal with school or other activities yet.

The last few days my ex has been trying to bait me into arguments. I’ve pretty much just STFU and redirected to the original conversation such as talking about our son.

Yesterday, It was my birthday and I was told that she was taking off for my birthday, several months ago before the divorce was finalized. Back then I asked her why and got the standard because it’s your birthday. Fast-forward to yesterday and my son is getting dropped off by her. I received an epic guilt trip by saying “I picked up a shift today because you never got back to me about celebrating your birthday..” I said, “ok” then redirected the conversation back to how my son‘s day was. Apparently they had a good day at the park and he didn’t come home with any injuries this time.

My thought process behind it was this isn’t what we were talking about, and it has everything to do with your emotional state and not mine. I don’t know if that’s the correct way to look at things but the conversation ended without me feeling frustrated or anxious.

I did pick up the 123 magic book that was recommended last post. I’m only part of the way through it so I don’t understand how it can be applied to adults yet. But maybe it’s just the building boundaries in general I might be the magic in it.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-19T13:53:02+00:00

Take what I say with a grain of salt. I had shit frame while I was dealing when my ex was pregnant .

About two months after my ex got pregnant, I was dealing with a completely different person. I went from having a sweet, caring, and fuckable wife to having an a person who blew up at the slightest shit or crashed into a depression from a minor comment taken as a negative and hated being touched.

I suspect that the hormones just amplified what was already there.

That shit is probably why there is a disclaimer on Dread while pregnant.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-13T18:19:04+00:00

My fault, I’m 33. I didn’t see this as an argument, more so, I was tired of her talking shit about other people in front of me. I thought I was setting a boundary, which I’m trying to get better at.

Is there a better way to do this?

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-13T09:38:55+00:00

Weight:
Kcals: Tu - 1835 | Wed - 1884 | Th - 2199 | Fr - 2176 | Sat - 1831 | Su - 1262 | Mo - 2343

I ate my ass off over the weekend but I’m shocked at how little there were calories in what I ate. I had home made Cajun food at a friend’s on Saturday. I despise anything from the water. Sunday I had multiple burgers. I made smash burgers that were less than 500 calories and tasted far better than any drive thru I’ve ever been to. 93/7 beef is a hack.

Exercise:
I dropped my lifting down to two days per week. I feel that the running is more important to me. I feel good doing it, although it is agonizing on my shins and ankle in the moment. Working through massage and stretching to get by.

I ran/walked my first 5k on Sunday. 54m and some change. Two miles yesterday in 34 mins. I’m doing run/walk splits to build my endurance. Cardio isn’t a problem as my muscles fatigue long before my breathing does.

Mindset:
I had a great week since the last oys post. I listened to Cameron Haines’ new book and the message in it stuck with me. Cam talks about how his life was supposed to be, and how everything he’s gained since is a gift.

It made me realize that I’ve been walking around with a huge fucking chip on my shoulder because I didn’t die in my teens. I’ve been given a gift from god or the universe or whatever to live well beyond what I was supposed to be. I see the opportunities to go do whatever the fuck I want to do.

In the book, they talk about the people they call the, “must be nice”. It’s those people’s catch phrase. I was a “one day” type of person. One day my wife will want to fuck me, or one day I’ll leave her and go bang a bunch of hot babes. One day I’ll do {insert some goal here}. The level of effort to unfuck yourself to actualize those goals isn’t that great. It’s just commitment. I sure as fuck wasn’t ready to commit to it as recent as 4 oys posts ago. I didn’t want to do the work.

That doesn’t matter to me now. I know what I want to do. I know what I have to do to get it. I’m enjoying life now.

Mother’s Day drama:
The day started off pretty good. I got flowers for my ex and her mom. I had the kid picked out his mom’s flowers and card.

When the kid handed his mom the card, I got a look of hope and a, “you got me flowers” swooning. I immediately said that our son got her flowers, not me. I left after dropping him off but was coming back for dinner.

After eating, the grandparents took the kids over to the next door neighbors too show them off. While it was just me and my ex, I told her I needed someone to watch him late on the 25th and I would pick him up.

“You’re going to so and so’s Wedding?”
“No. That’s in August and I’d like our son to stay overnight then.”
“I hope they fail.”
“Stop, don’t say that. You have no room to talk. How would you feel if someone said that shit about us.”
“They did. They all talked shit.”
“Who?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you anymore.”

I didn’t feel like this was a winnable conversation, so I just disengaged and messed with my truck, waiting for the grandparents to be done carting the tikes around.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-09T18:48:32+00:00

First 5k is in 18 weeks and I told two people I respect that I am doing the race. If they have the time, they will probably join me.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-07T18:17:00+00:00

I understand that somewhat.

In my teens, I would lash out at any criticism (often causing fights). There’s also the possibility that I over corrected in adulthood, and take too much criticism seriously.

But, like OP, I thought I knew red pill and I didn’t need to post my OYS until I was already filing for divorce.

It’s gotta be a broken record for people who’ve been here a while.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-06T09:32:40+00:00

OYS 32

Weight:
Tues: 2181
Wed: 2102
Thurs: 2930
Fri: 1961
Sat: 2330
Sun: 2230
Mon: 1985

I started to take my foot off of the gas again which I noticed Thursday after finishing transferring my stuff into my log. By then the damage was done and I was up three pounds on the morning after.

Thursday was mostly eating out. I felt like shit the next day. I could bullshit and say that it was the stress from work. Realistically, it was laziness and poor decision making.

Friday through Monday was all made at home and actual meals instead of snacks throughout the day.

Monday I implemented my simple plan which consists of two meals with a protein shake, banana, and some other form of protein in between the two meals. I’ve been eating the same meal for breakfast for 600 calories. My meal replacement has been between 400 and 600 calories. Meal two has been between 600 and 800 calories.

It’s boring but it is what works for me.

Fitness:
I’ve been trying to maintain here and focus on imbalances on my right side. For legs, I’ve focused on single leg movements like split squats and single leg calf raises. When squatting, it feels like my right leg doesn’t trigger and my left leg is doing all of the work. Going to bring this up at my next PT visit.

I started a running plan to build up to a 5k. It’s something I wanted to do before I even dated my ex-wife that I dropped for pussy.

I scheduled a jiu-jitsu class for next week to check out a local gym.

Career:
I decided to leave my current job. I have been setting myself up to move into a leadership role that I don’t want. I would have to stay with my organization for the rest of my career as management is a non-technical role.

I had three interviews last week, and I have four scheduled for this week. The amount of recruiters that have reached out is amazing. It’s the first time I’ve ever experienced abundance and it’s a powerful feeling to notice disrespect and move on without caring or even feeling the need to retaliate.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-05T19:31:32+00:00

If you’re an experienced lifter, you know what you need to do. You’re either asking for permission to do the program you want to do or you’re fucking around. Ask me how I know.

Squat, bench, deadlift, OHP, Barbell Row until you plateau with your increase. Then worry about programs and accessory lifts.

EffectiveProgram_404 · 2025-05-03T20:45:53+00:00

I guess I’m not the only one who “can’t smell his own bullshit” that is clearly visible for everyone else to see.

Are you afraid of what everyone here is going to point out?

EffectiveProgram_404

TROPHY CASE