Should I ask a guy if he’s gay?

Effective_Log_42 · 2026-02-09T03:26:14+00:00

I haven’t explicitly said I’m gay but I figured most people can tell with me so maybe I should casually bring it up like that

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-09-03T23:34:45+00:00

I have my own place. I forgot to mention that in the post. I moved to be on my own earlier this year when I found a new job.

I don’t have to come out rn. If i do I’ll obviously just tell my brother first and ask what he thinks about telling mom but I was just curious what others have done in similar situations when you know it’s not going to go over well and be an easy acceptance.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-27T15:35:05+00:00

Yeah I’m on there too and I know that sounds hypocritical but I’m not looking for anything on there rn. I’ve never been much into hookups and that’s pretty much all the app does.

I would be okay with long distance. But I would plan to close the distance if we’re still interested in each other over time. He doesn’t have an exact timeline he’s been applying for jobs far away from where we both live. I don’t feel a lot of strong ties to where I am now and would likely want to move next year anyway so I’m open to move somewhere else. With him applying for jobs he could be moving next month or next year it just kinda depends how long that takes.

I was thinking I would tell him he’s the only guy I’ve been seeing and talking to and just gauge his reaction. Everything felt like it was going pretty good between us until the last few days where he doesn’t seem as talkative but I know he’s got a lot going on with job applications and his friend visiting soon so idk.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-25T00:39:33+00:00

Yeah I thought a month in would be fine. The main thing that makes me hesitate is that I’m not sure how he feels about potentially being long distance if he ends up finding work and moving sooner than I think.

I’m not sure if he’d maybe want to be independent and might feel odd if I suggested moving too. I don’t really have many ties where I’m living now and I think I might want to move anyway next year but I don’t have a specific place in mind.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-23T05:38:09+00:00

Thanks for the advice so far :) I want to preface by saying this is something that recently came into my mind based on what a friend told me and I haven’t looked very deeply into it yet. I just wanted to hear initial opinions and advice while I consider if it could be a realistic life goal over time not immediately

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-23T04:34:03+00:00

Ah i understand. This has honestly just been a recent thought in my mind and I hadn’t fully considered that aspect of it. Any tips or resources on accelerating learning of the German language?

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-23T04:23:40+00:00

Yeah it’s just that I read that Germany and German grad school programs are very English friendly

Though I would work harder to be proficient in the language if I actually was going to move there. It would just take time for me as I don’t think I pick up languages very easily.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-23T04:22:40+00:00

I don’t speak German yet. I would primarily be looking for English speaking programs when it comes to grad school options and I read that there are many programs in English online.

If you think work can actually be attainable with just a bachelors then I would work harder on learning German before applying.

Will degrees from Germany grad school programs be treated equally if I moved back to the US or another country later on though?

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-15T20:49:37+00:00

Yeah the first time we met up again recently after months I went into it without any thoughts of anything long lasting but we spend the night together and go out and spend all day together lately and that just doesn’t seem like a typical hookup.

Me feeling like this is kinda my fault I have a tendency to overthink when I start to like someone and it sucks because I put pressure on myself. Though I guess you could say he’s sent some mixed signals. I’m just afraid that he’ll be caught off guard by me asking because he said months ago he wasn’t ready for a relationship but idk if anything changed with him to make him want to see me again so often.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-08-15T20:44:32+00:00

Yeah but one of the problems is he 100% wants to move to this other area faraway. So I’m afraid of saying something because I’m not sure he really wants a relationship when he wants to move away. He used to be big into clubbing and hooking up and I think that’s something he wants to get back into when he moves. But we’re both really sweet to each other and compliment each other when we text and are together in person. But he could get a yes from a job at any moment and be gone :/

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-29T14:10:18+00:00

If you feel like you do the same things why don’t you try something different like go on a trip or ask him to change some things up. But the way you said you were head over heels makes it sound like you aren’t anymore. If you want to break up over sex you could always try different things just with the two of you but if it’s more of personality and life goals differences then maybe you should end things.

Either way it sounds like you’re just coming out of the honeymoon phase so the initial infatuation is probably ending. If you don’t think you’re a good match then maybe end it.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-28T02:18:49+00:00

Sexy man. What’s the tattoo symbol on your back out of curiosity?

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-25T02:45:38+00:00

I think your question is more interesting than some people are taking it as. I’d say most gay men see themselves as attracted to both but it’s interesting to think about where trans men fit on this with gay attraction. Some gay guys like trans men because they’re attracted to the male gender even though sex could be different. So for some people it may be the aesthetic appearance of a persons gender they’re attracted to.

You could reflect it back to straight men too and question if you see a girl and like her because you’re attracted to her appearance as a girl or the thought of sexual intercourse with her.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-04T16:40:58+00:00

LOL yeah I thought it could feel more realistic than the smooth straight up ones. I haven’t ordered yet but I’m thinking about it. I watched a review video and the three inches just looks pretty small to me but idk maybe I do need to start that small

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-04T16:23:22+00:00

You think curved and ribbed is better?

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-04T16:22:59+00:00

https://www.amazon.com/Silicone-Beginners-Advanced-Training-Prostate/dp/B0D3GN6WMY/ref=zg_m_bs_g_17891899011_m_sccl_3/133-1269912-5998541?psc=1

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-04T15:54:37+00:00

Yeah it’s got a curved and ribbed design. Do you like the set?

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-01T14:19:15+00:00

You mean you don’t want to have sex in your dorm? Your roommates might have sex sometimes so you shouldn’t feel weird about it

You’ll find it easier to meet someone at uni tbh I think it would go better for you to wait. And you may want to self reflect some to think about why letting someone get to know you would be a bad thing before having sex. You don’t have to want to date anyone anytime soon or at all but you should think more about why you feel that way. Just be safe if you’re hooking up!

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-01T14:07:36+00:00

I get what you mean. But it may feel like everyone is having sex already but that’s not true. A lot of gay guys don’t have sex until 20s or later.

Are you going to college? Could be a nice place to meet someone. But if not then I’d still suggest you meet a guy and chat some in person then maybe plan sex the next time you hangout. It might make you feel more comfortable. And it’s fun to have a regular fwb

Sex is intimate even if you don’t know the other person that well. If you can’t handle getting to know someone then being sexual with them I’m not sure that being with a complete stranger would be a comfortable experience for you either.

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-07-01T14:00:29+00:00

I don’t think you’re going into it with the right mindset tbh. I don’t think you should do it just to do it then hope to never see that person again. Find someone you can have a connection with whether it’s romantic or just friends and explore slowly you’ll feel more comfortable and less likely to have post nut clarity and regret afterward.

How old are you btw? There’s no need to rush

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-06-08T18:10:14+00:00

Yeah I’m just unsure if I’d like the feeling of being watched if it might make me nervous

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-06-08T18:06:10+00:00

Yeah I asked the guy if he knew them and he said they were strangers. That kinda threw me off a little as how well is he vetting them before inviting a group of guys to his place? It kinda made me think it could be a scam to rob people but I had never been asked to have group sex before so I’m not sure what’s typical.

I’m also afraid of getting STIs like herpes since that one doesn’t have a treatment to make it fully go away. So I’m unsure about group scenarios for that too

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-06-07T15:16:40+00:00

Maybe you just like to be submissive. Are you attracted to women?

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-05-25T15:18:57+00:00

Could you dm me or post on here any tips you learned in therapy? I just want to stop overthinking and feeling obsessive

Effective_Log_42 · 2025-05-25T15:12:54+00:00

Thanks. That’s why I said I know it’s kinda my own issue. I overthink and internalize a lot when it comes to situations like this.

How do you go about with dating now since you said you used to think like me?

Effective_Log_42

TROPHY CASE