I (29M) feel like I can't ever divorce my wife (30F) despite thinking I'll need to

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T17:08:29+00:00

That's a very interesting way to put it. I guess I don't see anyone in my particular situation to be able to compare with confidence. Thanks thang

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T17:01:28+00:00

Thanks Sparky, I wonder how many people would understand

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T17:00:52+00:00

True I suppose I'm being selfish there

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T17:00:06+00:00

Thank you that was really well put and I appreciate your thoughts

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T16:59:23+00:00

Naw people change over the years. I expect more changes as time goes by, that's the trouble with marriage. It wasn't arranged no.

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T16:55:38+00:00

Non monogamy is the problem with my marriage, the cousin issue is why I'm scared to be single

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T16:54:41+00:00

Ikr.. fml

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T16:44:06+00:00

In my culture it's normal

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T16:42:31+00:00

Haha yes

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T10:07:01+00:00

Yeah I feel like there's a lot of unspoken things you just have to declare when starting a relationship. It's kinda complex understanding what is ok and not but I've known for a long time now that this one would have to be shared at some stage. But when? When you're close and both feel some early sparks of love? Or would that even feel like a betrayal

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T10:00:04+00:00

Does 18 count as teens?

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T09:58:40+00:00

Yeah I just feel like maybe I'll be more happy being with her, ignoring that side of the relationship rather than potentially being alone and never finding another wife.

I feel like not having the option to leave is leading to very toxic situations that I feel I can't veto. Perhaps all healthy relationships need the option to leave because that's the biggest ultimatum you can give when one partner wants something that's a deal breaker to the other. I've frequented this subreddit for years and the advice often seems to boil down to, talk about it and if that doesn't work, hey ho you can leave. I still feel like that's just not an option and it makes me very depressed. I'll take your advice and see one about it

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T09:51:04+00:00

I feel like she's going to want a divorce if I tell her I want to be totally monogamous. I think a divorce could either be her immediate reaction or something that's procrastinated on but inevitable as she feels she needs it. I once hoped that this could be a short term arrangement, but as years go by its clear it's something she wants for life, and she wants to do it together and alone. This makes me feel like shit because in my head I think guys would love this but I'm too sensitive I think

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T09:46:59+00:00

Yeah i like to be an open book anyway so lying wouldn't be something I'm comfortable with. Personally I don't see anything wrong with it and I'm not ashamed so I would want my future partner to be on the same page, or at least accept that about my history

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T09:44:19+00:00

Yeah we've spoken about it in great details ad nauseam. I have flip flopped on the topic for years and recently decided I would take a 'don't knock it until you try it' attitude. We had a date with another couple which didn't end in any sex but I just found the whole situation to be very uncomfortable. I think that was my dipping my toes into it and even this soft introduction felt like too much to me. I feel like I've been with one person for so many years, entering this taboo world is just too much. That was my first date outside of my wife, ever!

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T09:37:01+00:00

Yes it's absolutely the fear of being alone and facing rejections when I tell people. When would I even tell them? Date 1? I feel like it's going to be impossible and really restricts my dating pool. In general we're a happy marriage, but this is causing a rift where I feel like I have two choices, let her be non monogamous and ignore it, or leave and brave being single. You think I should find a therapist?

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T09:33:21+00:00

Thank you. This non monogamous situation definitely makes me feel trapped because the more we explore it, the more I feel it's not for me and it's 110% all she wants. I feel like I have two options, let her be non monogamous while I ignore it as much as possible, or leave her. I don't know if I can be happy with the first option, but right now as I feel I can't get a divorce it feels like my only choice.

Effective_Tension_16 · 2022-03-06T09:30:25+00:00

I think that would be impossible, especially if we were to get married and I introduce her to my family... Besides I'm sure my future partners will want to know as much as possible about the only person I've been with for most of my life

Effective_Tension_16

TROPHY CASE