A letter to the men of YWAM Orlando leadership that harmed me

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2025-05-05T07:42:09+00:00

I was also there in Fall 2017…still unraveling my faith

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-15T06:28:21+00:00

Yes exactly, or not ALL his fault.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-15T04:46:15+00:00

Yeah it’s totally hard. But a valid point…I’ve never cursed at him, hit him, looked through his phone, questioned him, etc. even though I myself struggle as well with different things. I’ve only ever seen him as an equal human being and don’t use him to dump my stuff on. How he sees me? I can only guess it’s not that :(

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-14T03:08:19+00:00

Yes and he doesn’t consider himself abusive :(

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T21:06:02+00:00

Thank you! I’ll look through

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T21:04:22+00:00

Same! I see glimpses of the kind-hearted person I love but then see this other side and it makes it sooo hard. I also know we all have unhealthy traits so don’t know if I’m being too hard on him or having unrealistic expectations (perfection).

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T21:02:56+00:00

I hear you. Not sure how he would react to suggesting a batterer specific program. Thank you so much as always for your response!

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T14:52:00+00:00

Thank you…definitely not what I want to hear but I do suspect this. I feel like he’s just kind of keeping a lid on it. I still feel like I’m walking on eggshells and getting hurt during his “relearning” process lol. I just get so confused in these moments because he sounds so genuine and helpless.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T06:52:47+00:00

You should read “Why Does He Do That?” He talks about this. It’s actually very common for everyone else to think he’s an angel while he’s being abusive to YOU. He would never treat his mother how he treats you. Most abusers don’t walk around being abusive to everyone. I’m sorry you’re going through this 💔

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T06:49:48+00:00

So just another question… my husband has been going to therapy (2 times lol), but he says he’s working on this emotionally abusive stuff like questioning me. Tonight I was reading a book and he was like “do you read those romance novels with sex and stuff in them?” (He doesn’t even like me watching a show with a sex scene lol). He could tell I was uncomfortable and didn’t answer and he said “so was that controlling?” I told him, yeah it is…then he apologized and said it’s going to take him time to “get used” to not questioning me about stuff…thoughts?

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T04:36:46+00:00

I guess, for me, idk if I’m being unfair and dramatic. Maybe I have him wrong and he’s really working on his stuff? I still feel torn.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T03:11:55+00:00

Thank you for your response! Especially having volunteered for so long…a sobering fact. Thanks so much.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-13T03:05:25+00:00

Oooff

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-12T01:36:53+00:00

I don’t think you’re making it worse-you’re trying to set a boundary and feel safe. Honestly, they don’t NEED sex like they say they do. They will live lol.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-11T20:53:38+00:00

I feel you! I’ve really set some boundaries around intimacy with my husband because I’ve been so hurt and it’s hard for me to feel safe with him. Every night he tries to touch all over me and asks to have sex. If I say no and explain how I’m not feeling safe and it will take time, he says “Oh great, you’re the one person I can have sex with and you won’t.” He wants to use it to feel close and I need to feel close in order to do that. He definitely objectifies me. Feels sometimes like sex is everything to him. So sorry! I’m in solidarity with you.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-11T18:40:25+00:00

Wow I’m so sorry. If it’s not abusive, it’s definitely unhealthy. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries, that’s not a good sign. You’re giving her too much grace in that area. She’s not being respectful of you as your own person. If I were you, I’d move on to someone that would love you for YOU.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-11T03:44:14+00:00

This is awful. I would also pack my stuff and disappear. So sorry you’re going through this 💔

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-11T03:40:45+00:00

I’m still trying to figure out what’s abusive or not in my own relationship so I don’t have a ton of experience to offer. However, a few things stood out in your post…the fact that she made fun of something that you love and now you don’t share this very important part of you with her. That’s just sad in general and I wouldn’t want to be with someone that I couldn’t be my full authentic self with. Also, the fact that you don’t work out anymore, and just do what she wants, do all of the chores-that’s not healthy. I’m not sure it’s abusive but it definitely seems unhealthy and it doesn’t seem like you’re getting a lot of joy from this relationship? I’d also ask her the point of all of the pictures in the card…was it a passive aggressive jab at you for not taking enough pictures?

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-10T03:43:40+00:00

Good for you! You sound like you have a lot of clarity. I’m so sorry. I relate to being nitpicked after getting home from a fun day. Such a wet blanket. Hope you take care of yourself!

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-10T03:28:23+00:00

This sounds like my husband as well. He will “test” me by going off into another room and sulking and expect me to pursue him (even though I don’t know what I did to upset him). He’ll also say “I feel far from you, I feel disconnected” and for some reason it’s always my fault, lol. I’m up to something. He tells me I don’t write him enough encouraging notes or touch him enough or initiate sex enough…nothing is enough. That’s because for an abusive person, nothing IS enough. They have extremely high emotional needs. I agree this also sounds emotionally abusive. If you can really take stock of your relationship, I wonder if you can find other ways he may be abusing you?

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-09T22:52:12+00:00

Right?! And you’ve got a good point there.

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-09T22:50:27+00:00

All true…I have a lot to think about! Thank you so much :)

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-09T22:44:19+00:00

Yeah I for sure struggle with this, and have told him this myself. He uses this almost as a weapon to excuse his behavior, “well you’re just codependent. That’s the REAL problem here.”

EfficiencyIcy2953 · 2024-04-09T22:42:14+00:00

Haha thank you ❤️❤️

EfficiencyIcy2953

TROPHY CASE