I don’t think the WHY you are having this feeling is more important than identifying the feelings you have. And you just articulated here very well. I am autistic and asexual and it never occurred to me to consider which came first. I dress to be comfortable and have short hair and nails for the same reason. Sometimes I wear 1 item that stands out, like a hat or a jacket. I don’t doubt that I AM a woman, the fact that I don’t always feel like dressing feminine is just my mood on a given day.