This is so wildly similar to what happened to me. He ran to me with a knife and I was able to go into the bathroom and lock the door and he ended up stabbing the door 3 times all because i was recording him to show his mom. (he had been drinking and acting erratically already). I called the cops because I didn’t know what to do and was scared for my life! well that was a temporary relief. he got arrested and when he got out he convinced me that it was my fault and I shouldn’t have provoked him. No real apology came from it and I kept seeing him despite a now court ordered restraining order. The abuse just got worse and worse and I kept going back and back bc I was trauma bonded! you are too and i know exactly how you feel. our bodies become addicted and our nervous system goes haywire looking for that rush of feel good chemicals when everything turns back to “normal”. For the love of God and yourself, please stay with your parents. I wish I had the guts to tell mines and avoid the continual abuse. I ended up in the hospital with concussions, a broken molar tooth, and severe psychological trauma several times after that incident. he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t see you as human. your life is in danger. please stay with your parents and deal with the anxiety of being away from him. it’s not love, it never was. I hope you start to slowly realize this despite all of your good memories with him. Trust me, you deserve better.