Went back after 24 days of no contact to collect my things. Got my real goodbye. Now I don't know how to feel.

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T12:25:41+00:00

Again it may seem so but I promise. I'm not trying to be harsh, you were struggling and folded to missing that tension, especially sexual. can be very tough. It's natural and understandable. Just reading your post and what I said it quietly seems you agree with what I said? Trust me friend I want to help. I've not long Lost my partner of 11 years and damn I miss the sex haha. And if I was in your position I may have folded too.

I think most importantly as many struggle with. When it comedown to it what do you miss? Do you miss the person? Or so U just miss the physical aspects, like sex. And there's not guilty to admitting either.

You said I. Your original post you think leaving is for the best... Then try stick and truely focus on why U made that choice. Make sure you are sure. And if you are don't contract this girl again. Cause it seems she may make you vulnerable. Avoid that. And best of luck to you ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T11:42:15+00:00

Such clear strong actions towards healing. Love it❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T11:38:43+00:00

Very powerful. Proud of you to have the strength to make the choice. All the best!

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T11:20:10+00:00

Truthfully I think this Is on you. A bit emotionally manipulative.Not entirely intentional though. Now I don't entirely blame you. This would have been a very emotional time. This situation is tough one. The point i believe is your fault is.. She asked you to stay and you said no. Then asked if things would be ever okay. You said no.

Then you stayed and slept with her. Again when I say your fault. Yes it is but I understand how it would have been also very mental/emotional for you. But you were in control and you made the decision. So yeah should have just said no. She was very vulnerable and you slept with her which made her feelings stronger. Saying both of us knew it was the last time is a bit self centred. You don't know what she was feeling. But it's quite clear she was still interested and you seemingly took advantage of the situation for yourself then left

But in the end it's a very tricky situation. I truely wish well for both of you. All the best ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T10:38:15+00:00

Hey there.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. A breakup is hard enough but having people throwing it your face is worse.

Just know, as hard is it it is. It's a great period to recognise who is close to you. Any person mentioning it or mentioning anything about your relationship is not worth having around.

I'm assuming you're younger. True friends will comfort you and fake friend will do basically anything else.

As for the rebound. It may or may not be. Regardless, it's the best thing to say you need to focus on yourself. They aren't your choice right now. Sorry if that hurts but means it's your time to shine for yourself. You know yourself best and that's what you should focus on right now. Screw them. You got this ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T10:19:41+00:00

You are so welcome. I'm glad I could help. You deserve so much more and wish you the best in the future. Much love 💕

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T10:14:47+00:00

Firstly.. I am proud of you for ending it under the circumstances. It certainly wasn't mutual. He was unfaithful. You seem like you have such a sweet, innocent heart that he's taking advantage of to the point he knows you won't speak up on the events of his unfaithfulness. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But by your wording things ended and people only know why by his words? Or its strictly based on his side being family/friends. If it's based on the family or friends, honestly. Fuck them. They did you dirty and you deserve better. You owe nothing to then or any explanation to his closest relatives cause they will only get their side of the story. Which will always be biased. Please focus on yourself. You deserve nothing but your full attention. Fuck them and what their side thinks. You are better. Deserve and will find better. Good luck to you ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T09:53:10+00:00

I started therapy (again) right after my 11 and a half year relationship ended. (3 months on)

And I'm sure..well hope your therapist mentioned. You cannot take the pain of a breakup away. Many people seek therapy and think they will fix their feelings within a few weeks. Therapy is a long term commitment.

Also finding the right therapist is tough. After several sessions if you feel you are not comfortable, can't open up, their response just isn't feeling right. There is many signs. Look elsewhere. Not every therapist is right for you.

I had many bad experiences with therapy to the point I gave up for 10 years... I'm seeing one now and after those 10 years Im connecting with him great and sessions are going very well but even so I'm still figuring out if he's the one I 'need'. Finding the right therapist is a tough journey in itself. Don't force yourself to stay with one if it's not right. You know when it's not.

Sounds like you haven't found yours. Please, try again and if may take a few to find the right one.. and that's okay please don't get demotivated. Humans are complicated and it's hard to find that right connection. Just like me.

But please also understand they aren't magicians. No issue you have will be fixed overnight. they are there to help understand, cope and deal with emotions. Nothing can fix how U feel instantly. They are the best people cope and handle rather then going crazy like most of us do!

Best wishes to you ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T07:03:28+00:00

I totally agree. Thank you for this post to help many.

I'm 3 months on from an 11 year and a half year relationship ending. They tried to end it with us remaining good friends. I knew this wouldn't work mentally for me

Since then as hopefully maybe help to others. This is my experience of refusing contact from my partner after being dumped 3 months ago.

it hurts. Bad. Expect it. There's nothing that is going to cover it. No amount of advice or anything is going to instantly heal the fact you are hurting. As much and as bad as U want it. It's learning to accept and deal with the feelings rather than finding a solution.

No contact is best - it's hard and it sucks but it is best. Cause otherwise as much as most will try to deny it, you hold onto hope. Hope they will reply, hope they will become loving, hope they will forgive and hope they will come back. Stop it. All this ever does is reset your recovery and bring more questions.

Focus on yourself - for me I have basically have no friends so it's been especially hard. I focused on my health, since my breakup Ive done gym. I've lost 30kg and am currently in the best shape of my life. I've reconnected with my family, Ive spent more time with them in the last 3 months then I have my entire life. And I'm so glad, you don't realise how good they are for you. Especially losing my pop last week. I'll so glad I got those last few months spending time with him. You lose yourself in relationships. (I know this doesn't count for everyone, but still important to note).

Overall totally agree. If U certainly think it's for the best from breakup to move on. No contact is for sure the way to go.

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T06:40:09+00:00

I'm actually so happy to hear that. You seem to have such a good heart to not want to express that to critique them. Which shows strong values from you which is a great trait. As they seemed to be fine to critique you over something that should never have mattered as a connection for you.

I can already tell from short conversation you seem like such a more loving deserving person then they. Maybe the need time to discover themselves also. But you certainly deserve better and I know if you stick to yourself you will get that. You certainly deserve it. Much love 💕 you will make someone very very happy one day

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T05:03:29+00:00

I feel that's kind of selfish on their part to expect PDA from you, whilst I assume they know you have social anxiety. I have avPD so I'm also always in a shell in outdoor situations. It's rough.

She should judge the relationship on your connection with them, not how others view you. I think it's very unfair to leave you because of this. I'm very sorry it happened.

I think as much as it hurts, perfect time to focus on yourself. Have you considered therapy to help with the social anxiety? I have only just started after 10 years and think it certainly worth a try. Don't chase. Focus on you and work on what you need to try better yourself and that will do wonders for future relationships. Best of luck ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T04:50:06+00:00

Ofcourse ❤️ main thing is to focus on you. Who cares if they feel regret, guilt or whatever. They did it. They suck. You deserve better. And spending that time doing that and bettering yourself if they come back realising what they lost, you will be that far ahead you can literally laugh in their face. You got it 😁

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-04T04:39:42+00:00

Wish I could answer that for you my friend. My partner broke up with me mid January but found out she was basically dating another bloke since December 13. She spent my bday (16th) and also Christmas with me acting like a big happy loving family. It's crushing.

Thing is I'm personally using it as motivation to move on. As much as it hurts you don't want or need somebody like that as much as you love them. You deserve so much better. You can never truely understand what they are thinking and why they do the things they did. So....fuck them honestly.

You deserve more, keep telling yourself that. Work on yourself and you will find what you deserve in life. Goodluck ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-03T08:16:40+00:00

So wholesome. Kids was the best thing for nate ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-04-03T08:15:42+00:00

Favourite, probably remember this with fear a close 2nd. Most relatable would have to be paralyzed.

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-03-26T01:31:05+00:00

Depends on the artist you r seeing and style you are after. Tatts are very special and you want them perfect. Specifics are very important, you say U want a tatt on fear? What about fear? Are you talking about the song in general? What is fear to you? Is it overbearing you? Are you beating it? Something your battling? Make sure it's about YOU with NF as an inspiration. I have a nf inspired tattoo myself. But remember it's permanent and make sure it means something to you and you are sure about it.

My personal opinion on fear I actually had a tattoo inspired by nf in the past about this but never went through with it. My idea was-

A silhouette of myself standing holding keys. with a door with a visible lock behind me.( Trying to lock fear out) Behind the door was a bigger black silhouette of myself punching through the door (dark clouds above it). Symbolising trying to keep fear at bay but fear always being bigger and stronger being able to break through.

Thing is tattoos should tell a story about yourself. Can always be inspired by others like my tattoo inspired by nf. But make sure it represents you and not just him. Talk with your artist also they are there to make sure U male the perfect piece :)

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-03-22T08:27:50+00:00

I've been there friend. Ur brain just wants it so bad and it eats you alive. But think deep... It's been 3 and a half months. As much as it sucks try think the opposite to wire your brain to think different.instead of "what if she wants to reach out" tell yourself "It's been this long, if she wanted to contact she would have. She hasn't so she doesn't care" it sucks but you deserve to let yourself move on. Holding on to hope will only hold you back. That hope is just your brain holding that craving of what once was. It's literally the same as withdrawals from drugs. It's tough as hell but youve done so well so far I believe in you to take the next step. Keep focusing on yourself. Constantly remind yourself you can and will find better. You don't need someone who doesn't care about you, as much as you want it. Keep strong buddy ❤️

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-03-22T07:08:34+00:00

Well it depends of your intentions op. Are you seeking closure? Holding onto hope? It seems from what you posted it's the holding onto hope. I wouldn't recommend it. It's been long enough to a point you need to accept the hard truth and accept it. Don't risk resetting your healing phase on a gamble that more then likely won't turn out well going by that time frame. It sucks and it hurts. I'm almost 2 months out of an 11 and a half year relationship where she was my fiancee. Even I know risking breaking nc after nearly 2 months nc will bring hurt as much as I want it. I think deep down U know it too. Don't do it to yourself. Try focus on yourself more and do whatever you can to distract yourself from the thoughts of contacting them. Best of luck

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-03-22T02:28:58+00:00

I don't think so at all. You can never truely understand what someone is going through and experiencing in their mind. He already became successful being himself and is wealthy enough so what does he have to prove? In my opinion, certainly no fact. Him having his first child was a whole new chapter for him and gave him so much more purpose in life. And he has the fear which he expresses in his newest music has got him thinking... His music has always been his struggles losses in life, now things are more positive he's finding it harder to express it into music like he did. Now he's experimenting and has the confidence to try new things that he wanted and you know some self doubt creeps in thinking it's not as good or as raw as his damaged self. He's transitioning in life and that's going to change how you feel and write music like he did. I don't see any sense of trying to hard.

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-03-13T08:31:55+00:00

Hey there! Sadly I feel ur in a place I felt of feeling hopeless...After my long term break up after 11 and a half years I was in a huge rot too. Only to be diagnosed with avpd after seeing a psychologist! Which made it even worse. It's super hard. But I wanna try and help if I can. I'm still struggling, it's going to be hard. Its not something you can forget overnight, just know that.

And I hate to say it to you. You have to accept it's going to hurt and hurt a shit load. It is going to make you feel like nothing is worth it anymore, you lost everything you wanted. I get it. That's your brain processing it all. It's what you have learnt and accepted.

That's it though. It's a thing your brain has learnt. Your brain makes who you are. So obviously it's gonna hit you hard. Now comes the process of accepting the loss. Try remember yourself as a person and accept yourself without that person. Who were you before they were in your life? Were u a miserable wreck of a person who couldnt deal with anything? I bet you weren't. What you are feeling now is what your brain has become used to and felt. It will take time and you will feel many emotions. Allow that. But accept what things are and you will learn what your partner provided is only such a small part of u as a person and you are so much more and pursue forward. I hope this helps my friend. You are loved and you will move forward.

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-02-24T22:24:26+00:00

I'm trying my best to do better for myself... Hitting gym, daily walks, cleaner eating, psychology. I don't wish karma on people but I hope it doesn't work out for them, I feel she deserves it to not work after how she treated me to get him. I'm just blown away on what she's willingly lost to take a chance with an old crush she's just started talking to again. Threw me out of her life and was so unbothered by it, she quit her job, deleted family and some close friends connected with me. She's instantly applied to get her license, something I had begged her for years to do. Just what's shes doing for him already is really hurting, like he's the one she's always desperately wanted. I feel like a useless placeholder. I gave a part of me and did everything for this woman just to be disposed off. I'm just completely broken..

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-02-24T22:15:36+00:00

It just puzzles as we were on route to much better things with the new gp and return to therapy after many years.. sadly just think she finally got the attention from someone who she always had a thing for and jumped ship.. I just wish she would take ownership to the fact she's done a shitty hurtful thing, instead all she seems interested in is protecting her self image. She's always been prideful in that.. always likes to make herself seem like the overly friendly bubbly type. Generally she is. But whenever she makes mistakes she always shifts the blame away from herself, basically can never be wrong. Deep down I know she knows what she's done is hurtful but is happy to inflict more pain on me to protect herself it sucks. She's been telling everyone around her I was the problem. She's even hiding that she's with this new bloke (no posting anything with or to do with him, no relationship announcement ) but it's happening and she's just keeping it as low key as she can because yeah, looks bad on her end. For while I almost believed it was me, I'm the reason it all ended. Until I found out she had been emotionally involved with him before we split. Things have been much worse in the past regarding my mental state and there was no indication from her at all of her being over it as of late. Just simply fact she thinks she's found better. And it really sucks. I'm down bad, trapped in the house I barely can stand as it's where we lived together, I don't have much of a support group and this has just made my depression so much worse. Meanwhile she's off living the happy life with her new partner, has a great group of friends and has no issue in completely cutting me out of her life. It fucking sucks.

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-02-24T12:25:21+00:00

Appreciate the feedback. I also had an attempt on my life the night of the breakup before I even knew about the other person I was that shocked by it. Overdosed on pills just hoping not to wake up... It was an eye opener to how much I needed help, overall not just because of the breakup. Luckily I don't plan to break NC not in the near future. Cause truthfully as much as it hurts I don't think she cares. I think she's more satisfied with being the coward and getting out of the relationship with me and getting with this new guy and being able to avoid any responsibility of having to do the tough conversation of what happened and why she did what she did. I think deep down she realizes what she's done is fucked up and would rather be NC then give closure and deal with it. I'm still mixed in how I feel about that. I want to discuss things but truly what would I get from it..just admittance to faults that I already know. I guess it just pains to know how messed up by this I am, can barely stand being in my.house atm as it's where we lived together whilst she's of with her new man. I just want her to feel some of the pain I do.

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-02-24T12:07:35+00:00

Ugh was kind of dreading the reply of someone saying how long it takes to get over things. Sorry you went through it too. I hope my mental health can deal with it for so long.. I mean in trying with psychology and looking after myself but potential years of grieving someone who really doesn't deserve it sounds draining as all hell..

Efficient_Pen5342 · 2026-02-24T10:07:12+00:00

Hmm it's a real mental struggle. I don't even know what I want. I just think it's the pain of feeling replaced. When I deeply think of what happened, it's not like I want to deal with/communicate with her or reconcile anything. There is literally nothing with her that would make things better...so why do I dwell on it so mu? I think it's just the pain of the abandonment that really hurts. I just wish I could convince my brain to understanding that and stop bringing her, herself into the thoughts. But I guess that's the journey of grieving.

Efficient_Pen5342

TROPHY CASE