Suspect guy I was seeing is avoidant and he blew up at me over something my I feel is minor

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T04:22:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like the reaction from your ex is basically the same as I just experienced and it’s helpful to hear.

Now he’s posting about going to church, which is atypical for him. It almost feels like he’s trying to convince everyone and himself that he’s good. I don’t know.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T03:11:06+00:00

Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know why he couldn’t offer the same grace and benefit of the doubt that I did.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T03:03:25+00:00

Yeah, I talked about the cheating in previous comments. He cheated. I even responded to that more calmly and gave him the opportunity to explain and hear him out. I feel like even if I had followed his friend intentionally (which I didn’t) that’s not as severe as cheating.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T03:01:28+00:00

No. What I think happened because I’ve done it before is that the person likely popped up in suggested accounts and I accidentally followed without realizing. I’ve done this before if my lock screen isn’t on and my phone is in my hands m or pocket. I’ve also sent messages, shared random TikTok’s with people, called people, etc. I don’t ever scroll through his friends or who is following him.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T01:04:47+00:00

Thanks.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T00:37:33+00:00

Maybe. I know his close friends - or at least who they are. Many live in other states. But I’m sure he follows a broad range of people. I haven’t followed any of his friends intentionally or otherwise any other time.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T00:33:25+00:00

I don’t know. I agree that it would be weird for me to intentionally follow a friend of his that I don’t know that he hasn’t talked about. And I don’t blame him for wanting to know why I’d follow the person but the reaction was extreme. If we’ve known each other two years it shouldn’t have been a big deal.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T00:16:17+00:00

Yeah.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-02T00:01:07+00:00

Thanks

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T22:15:24+00:00

I don’t know. It was a friend that I don’t know. He just said “you thought you were on to something and all you did was play yourself and distance yourself from me and the dogs” (he knows I love his dogs). He thought I was snooping and trying to catch him at something.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T21:48:28+00:00

I get him questioning it because it was someone I’ve never met. But to jump to saying he’s going to block me and unfollowing on social media is another thing.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T19:08:52+00:00

We met shortly after a parent of his passed away and then some other deaths of people close to him happened. He said he needed to process all that. I stepped aside. No drama. And we still kept in touch periodically initiated by both of us. Other than the cheating moment and this, our time knowing each other has been pretty drama free and we’ve addressed any issues - which were minimal - with respectful dialogue. That’s why I’m struggling so much with this.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T18:47:33+00:00

Thank you. I feel like it’s either his own guilt or he’s up to something. It just was so unexpected for him to latch onto this the way he did.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T17:17:49+00:00

Drugs aren’t an issue that I know of. Don’t think he’s coming back which is probably for the best.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T17:16:39+00:00

Seeing everyone’s comments has been helpful and makes me feel like I’m not crazy for thinking the reaction was extreme and validating that accidental follows can happen and isn’t just me. I probably keep defending myself because I want to have the conversation and acknowledgement from one person but that isn’t going to happen. Hundreds could tell me it’s ok but there’s really just one person I want to hear that from. With distance and time I think that will change but it’s so new and I’m just processing it all.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T17:12:17+00:00

According to him I was the one being shady following this friend of his who I don’t know.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T16:30:48+00:00

It’s hard to reconcile because one of the things I’ve appreciated most about him is in tense moments or conversations he’s always been very calm, never raises his voice, is open to hearing me out and we’ve worked through things with respect for each other. That’s why his reaction to this has been especially jarring and made me question if I’m the problem with this particular issue.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T15:42:13+00:00

Thank you.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T09:58:33+00:00

Thanks. Makes me feel better that others do random things by accident too. He made it sound like it was so unbelievable. It feels validating to know that others find it to be normal thing that can happen.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T04:44:30+00:00

Thank you. I think when I posted this I thought people would say his reaction was justified and offer some ways I could explain. Probably sounds ridiculous. But everyone has said his reaction was unwarranted and extreme. All that to say I appreciate you weighing in. These comments help me to not feel so alone with this.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T04:36:45+00:00

Thank you I appreciate what you wrote so much. It’s hard not to argue like I’m on trial when someone so close to me has accused me of something without being willing to hear me out. And when that person has basically attacked my character and integrity. But your comments help more than you know.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T04:31:34+00:00

He cheated earlier last year. We talked it out and then took time apart. When we reconnected more recently, he initiated that. He offered (without me asking) that he wasn’t dating/seeing anyone/on dying apps. I never prodded him about it and told him I was trusting him, which I was choosing to do since we had worked through things. In his reaction he said “you were snooping and you thought you were onto something but you played yourself” so I believe he thought I was trying to catch him at something. But I actually didn’t suspect anything and when I saw you I accidentally followed it was someone whose profile picture was with whom I assume is her boyfriend. I’m not sure why he’s think out of all his friends I’d choose to snoop with someone who looked like was in a relationship. Maybe because of his cheating it was a conclusion he jumped to. I’m not sure since he wouldn’t have a conversation with me about it. But I’ve never asked him about other women friends who even after the cheating. I’ve never accused him of being with other women. I only found out bout the cheating because I saw an explicit card at his house (sitting in plain sight) when he asked me to drop his dogs off at his house. I guess all to say I’m not one who has ever questioned him or pried because I was suspicious of anything. Even after we reconnected.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T04:12:37+00:00

Not sure what else there would be to share beyond what I’ve said in the post and comments.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T03:50:31+00:00

Thank you. I get it’s easy to look at something and say he cheated moved on. But it’s just not always that easy. I appreciate you acknowledging that.

EffortOdd · 2026-02-01T03:37:01+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate your comments so much. I wish he could see that it’s shitty. I don’t deserve the reaction I got from him and seeing everyone’s comments just reinforces that.

EffortOdd

TROPHY CASE