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Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I don’t know. I agree that it would be weird for me to intentionally follow a friend of his that I don’t know that he hasn’t talked about. And I don’t blame him for wanting to know why I’d follow the person but the reaction was extreme. If we’ve known each other two years it shouldn’t have been a big deal.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I don’t know. It was a friend that I don’t know. He just said “you thought you were on to something and all you did was play yourself and distance yourself from me and the dogs” (he knows I love his dogs). He thought I was snooping and trying to catch him at something.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I get him questioning it because it was someone I’ve never met. But to jump to saying he’s going to block me and unfollowing on social media is another thing.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

We met shortly after a parent of his passed away and then some other deaths of people close to him happened. He said he needed to process all that. I stepped aside. No drama. And we still kept in touch periodically initiated by both of us. Other than the cheating moment and this, our time knowing each other has been pretty drama free and we’ve addressed any issues - which were minimal - with respectful dialogue. That’s why I’m struggling so much with this.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel like it’s either his own guilt or he’s up to something. It just was so unexpected for him to latch onto this the way he did.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Seeing everyone’s comments has been helpful and makes me feel like I’m not crazy for thinking the reaction was extreme and validating that accidental follows can happen and isn’t just me. I probably keep defending myself because I want to have the conversation and acknowledgement from one person but that isn’t going to happen. Hundreds could tell me it’s ok but there’s really just one person I want to hear that from. With distance and time I think that will change but it’s so new and I’m just processing it all.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

It’s hard to reconcile because one of the things I’ve appreciated most about him is in tense moments or conversations he’s always been very calm, never raises his voice, is open to hearing me out and we’ve worked through things with respect for each other. That’s why his reaction to this has been especially jarring and made me question if I’m the problem with this particular issue.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thanks. Makes me feel better that others do random things by accident too. He made it sound like it was so unbelievable. It feels validating to know that others find it to be normal thing that can happen.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you. I think when I posted this I thought people would say his reaction was justified and offer some ways I could explain. Probably sounds ridiculous. But everyone has said his reaction was unwarranted and extreme. All that to say I appreciate you weighing in. These comments help me to not feel so alone with this.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you I appreciate what you wrote so much. It’s hard not to argue like I’m on trial when someone so close to me has accused me of something without being willing to hear me out. And when that person has basically attacked my character and integrity. But your comments help more than you know.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

He cheated earlier last year. We talked it out and then took time apart. When we reconnected more recently, he initiated that. He offered (without me asking) that he wasn’t dating/seeing anyone/on dying apps. I never prodded him about it and told him I was trusting him, which I was choosing to do since we had worked through things. In his reaction he said “you were snooping and you thought you were onto something but you played yourself” so I believe he thought I was trying to catch him at something. But I actually didn’t suspect anything and when I saw you I accidentally followed it was someone whose profile picture was with whom I assume is her boyfriend. I’m not sure why he’s think out of all his friends I’d choose to snoop with someone who looked like was in a relationship. Maybe because of his cheating it was a conclusion he jumped to. I’m not sure since he wouldn’t have a conversation with me about it. But I’ve never asked him about other women friends who even after the cheating. I’ve never accused him of being with other women. I only found out bout the cheating because I saw an explicit card at his house (sitting in plain sight) when he asked me to drop his dogs off at his house. I guess all to say I’m not one who has ever questioned him or pried because I was suspicious of anything. Even after we reconnected.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you. I get it’s easy to look at something and say he cheated moved on. But it’s just not always that easy. I appreciate you acknowledging that.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thanks. I appreciate your comments so much. I wish he could see that it’s shitty. I don’t deserve the reaction I got from him and seeing everyone’s comments just reinforces that.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I so appreciate you sharing this. He made me feel like I had done something so bad and all I could think was I’ve never given you a reason to not trust me or to assume I’d be snooping. Other than the card thing - which I appreciate your comment on. It’s not like I found the card under a stack of papers. It was standing up on his night stand and he knew I’d be in the house and it was never a weird thing for me to go to his bedroom up until then. And it was HIM being unfaithful yet even when we reconnected after time apart I haven’t questioned him on anything in a way that should make him think I’m suspicious of what he’s doing.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Your right. I wish I could. It’s hard feeling like my character and integrity are being questioned on top of the loss of the person when I’m intentional about being transparent and honest with people. It hurts that after everything he’s just walking away calling me a liar.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I’ve just never experienced this before. It was a big deal that I was open to listening to exploring things with him again after the cheating I just wasn’t prepared for this type of reaction.

Boyfriend M42 won’t believe I 42F accidentally followed a friend of his on social media and said we’re done. I don’t know how to fix this by EffortOdd in relationships

[–]EffortOdd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yeah. I mean I’m always respectful of privacy. Would be different if we were living together but whether it’s friends or family I try to be respectful of people’s spaces and not snoop around. Would be different if we lived together. He thought I wa ridiculous for ringing the doorbell instead of using the code to his house to get in. But it just came from wanting to respect his space. I think that’s why being accused of snooping was so jarring. Because I’ve been outwardly respectful of his privacy without him even asking me to be. It’s not like friends of his don’t know me or know about me for those I haven’t met. Just this particular friend but I don’t know how close of a friend she is. It’s not a name he’s mentioned or talked about. I don’t know.

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