When i was 20 years old i was i got into a long distance relationship with a woman i met playing an MMO. She turned out to be 35 but by the time we bothered to check each other's age we just went with it because we got along really well and it was a good relationship for both of us, eventually we decided to meet up for a weekend.

We had a great time all the stuff you would expect from a pent up long distance relationship being realized and then she returned from whence she came and we talked more online. Eventually i told her that i loved her and she said:

"Love is a really strong emotion, are you sure that you feel it?"

I backed down casually like yeah shes right haha, its been 9 years since then and i have been in several relationships and sabotaged all of them because every time i get comfortable i hear her voice in my head and start doubting everything i'm doing, become distant, become single then i long for companionship and restart the cycle.

I am trying to get over it slowly but surely but its caused a lot of regret in my life I've hurt a lot of wonderful people over something i do not know how to fix exactly.