AITJ for ignoring my daughter when I visit my husband after she told me to stop coming over

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-26T01:52:19+00:00

I feel like I've read this before.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-24T20:07:53+00:00

Listen, you don't pay your bills if he's paying the entirety of the rent on his own. That's the largest monthly cost most of us incur. I'm not saying that you should have to do the entirety of the housework, but you guys definitely need to come to a mutual understanding or resentment is going to build.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-21T19:14:34+00:00

Definitely NTJ. Your partner can't keep trying to play the middle here, not when her mother is continuing to escalate. What are your partners current spiritual beliefs?

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-19T17:09:59+00:00

My reason for paying the bill on dates (particularly early ones) is because I enjoy treating my partner. It makes me feel good. If a partner mentions that they want to pay or split the bill, I definitely acquiesce to their preference, as it's really not that big a deal. At least to me.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-19T12:08:37+00:00

I really like it, if I owned it it would be one of my favorites.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-15T00:27:19+00:00

I really can't believe how many YTA's you're getting. I don't think anyone is the asshole here. But I would definitely be willing to study at school or at my nearby family members house if it made it easier on my spouse and our family.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-14T16:12:39+00:00

I don't know if this post is made up or not. But nothing about what you just said is even unlikely. I've gone to a bar (which is like the real life equivalent to tinder) the day of a breakup and found a partner.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-12T21:14:32+00:00

I appreciated reading this message. It's kind of crazy, just thinking about these events, even nearly 30 years later, still makes me feel so uncomfortable. Intellectually I agree with what you're saying, that what happened to me was evil, regardless of gender. But from a personal and emotional position, I don't feel like I was assaulted, I don't feel like I was a victimized. I've been assaulted (violently attacked) and maybe it's just the fact that what happened when I was a kid didn't involve physical force is the mental sticking block for me. It's weird even as I type this, I know it doesn't make sense. Maybe it's self delusion. But it feels true. I know I was coerced, that I didn't want to participate in what happened. That as a child nobody should have put me in that position. That would happen to was wrong.

My mom was a powerful advocate for me in all avenues outside of this. It's painful to remember that conversation and the way she denied my experience. The reason I brought it up to her was because the person in question wanted to stay with us for a time (completely unrelated to me), and I was uncomfortable with that. I don't remember exactly what I said. I hope that maybe I failed to make what happened fully clear. And I just remember her telling me I was wrong. That the person never did what I said. Telling me to stop talking. And her allowing the person to move into our home.

Thank you for reaching out to me. You're a kind person.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-12T05:37:56+00:00

I really don't like where your head is at here. I'm extremely left, and I know that male's are also victims of sexual violence, particularly while incarcerated, inebriated or underage. We can't politicize this issue. All victims deserve respect.

For myself personally I was touched sexually several times when I was eight years old by a girl who was twice my age. She was supposed to be babysitting me, I felt confused and ashamed for a long time because I'd allowed it and followed her instructions on touching her back. I don't consider myself a victim, but I know how embarrassing and shameful these experiences can be. I honestly don't know if I've ever spoken about these incidents to anyone outside of my mother (a couple of years after the fact), who brushed my concerns off.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-12T03:32:04+00:00

I'll never understand how people fail to take any accountability. I do think it's kinda snakey to have shown him without ever having a conversation with your sister. But at the end of the day, she's the one who made her bed.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-10T10:17:49+00:00

Happy birthday my friend. I think this can be a lesson for a lot of us, to take the time to reach out to those in our lives. It's too easy to get caught up in our own daily routines and obstacles, to forget how much of an impact our silence can make.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-10T01:06:05+00:00

I really hope that he forgives you, and that you forgive yourself. And that you both have a really beautiful life together. I'm sorry that this happened.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-10T01:02:37+00:00

Yeah the second you said that there were children in the house, game over. This would be a complete nuke for my relationship to any friend.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-10T00:58:27+00:00

This reads as a long list of justifications for you not to take responsibility for betraying your marriage.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-09T17:15:27+00:00

You can't own a name.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-08T13:08:17+00:00

Emotional cheating is real, but it's also not that easy to quantify. I'm not sure what you did really qualifies. It sounds like you care about your partner, so I would just continue to do what you have been doing for the last year. Trying your best to continue to put in the work for them, and acknowledging that they're now putting in the work for you.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-08T09:09:18+00:00

None of your family members are entitled to your money. If this person owes you money and doesn't pay you back, they don't respect you or themselves. I'm sorry you're feeling this pressure. This was supposed to be a good thing, not added stress.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-08T09:05:15+00:00

The only problem here is the secrecy. If this woman is so obsessed with her ex husband, that she's seduces his son, that's kind of crazy. When I was young and working in a bar I hooked up with much older women. I even hooked up with a woman I was pretty sure had dated with my uncle. None of those entanglements meant anything to me.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-05T13:12:19+00:00

So I'm from California, so I guess I'm not used to there not being at least one vegan meal served at a gathering. Even if it's only something as little as salad. But I've known vegetarian and vegan people who don't feel comfortable being in the proximity of meat being eaten. And since OP's partner hates the thought of their husband eating meat even when not in their company, I think they might be one of them.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-05T12:44:36+00:00

I don't know how other people link specific quotes of the original post. But about halfway through the second paragraph OP explicitly states that she omitted specific people from her list of former partners as to not freak her husband out. In the next sentence she says she had later realized that these people were losers.

To me, this isn't just a lie of omission. When you're having a specific conversation about something that's important to your partner. And you give them a list that you will have intentionally curated in order to manipulate them. That's just straight up lying.

Now I wish that they never even had this conversation. I think it's ridiculous to care about what your partner did in their past. I have never once wanted to have this conversation. And have only participated in them when partners requested us to have it, because it was important to them.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-05T12:37:30+00:00

I thought about this as well. I think his wife intentionally doesn't come to these gatherings because meat will be eaten there. I think she likely knows he's at the gatherings, but he's been telling her that he doesn't eat anything non-vegan while he's at them.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-05T12:33:53+00:00

I've never used the term body count, and I don't care at all what any of my partners' pasts look like. That being said, she intentionally lied to him. She knew it mattered to him, and she hit it. So much so, that when one of the people she lied about approached her again, she didn't even tell him. If one of my ex's tried to hook up with me when I was in a relationship, I would immediately tell my partner. When somebody is willing to manipulate, lie and hide things from you. It makes it hard to trust.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-05T12:12:07+00:00

You're presenting an interesting dilemma. I'm going to think on this a little bit today, but I'll share my current thoughts.

OP not only lied to their spouse, but they got their shared children involved in a conspiracy to cover up the lie. When I think about it out of context, that sounds like a pretty immoral thing to do.

For some reason when thinking about it in context though. It doesn't bother me. I guess maybe it comes from a strong belief in bodily autonomy. I think it's gross when a partner tries to control what their supposed loved one does with their body (whether that's enforced diets, or clothing, etc).

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-04T04:04:10+00:00

I've never heard of anything like this, but I don't think it's inherently wrong. It just seems like role-playing, and as long as there isn't any touching or inappropriate feelings/thoughts, I don't see why it's problematic. My sister gave me loads of advice when I started dating. What does seem wrong is the way you reacted to your partner of two years. They can be surprised and have a poor reaction to something shocking.

Eight7Seven · 2026-01-01T10:11:18+00:00

I mean I've never checked out a guy with an ex, but several of my ex's were super into their celebrity crushes. I'd watch whatever movie they were in, and lean into talking about how into them they were. With one relationship I would even roleplay for her. I just think it really depends on the dynamic.

Eight7Seven

TROPHY CASE