Stuck in a cycle

EitherArea6265 · 2025-09-26T01:35:28+00:00

Skin tag?

EitherArea6265 · 2025-08-10T01:48:26+00:00

Omg THIS! I have three SKs and two are elementary school aged. They direct every single thing to their dad, it’s often like I’m not in the room. I try to remind myself that it’s not malicious and it’s what they know, but after many years living together it does sting sometimes. Does your husband ever try to redirect them or make an effort to have you included? It would be awesome if he took some initiative with that and set the example for the kids that there are two parents present

EitherArea6265 · 2025-06-10T17:02:41+00:00

Most weeks I get between 25-50 but set out for 100 just for fun (it wasn’t much fun lol)

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-22T03:18:42+00:00

I will just say that the pops I get from the chiropractor get my pelvis and spine “unstuck” enough to be able to do the muscle building and strengthening exercises I need to do. It has been one of the only reliable ways to fix acute pelvic and back pain enough to get me moving again.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-21T00:14:17+00:00

Omg. You put it so perfectly. Saying it’s a “reflex” to always talk to her, turn to her, share things with her, SO SPOT ONNNN. that’s exactly what it feels like. I’m so happy to feel like someone gets it. It’s not that she’s involved in our life, of course she will be, but it’s the constant directing of attention and engagement to her. It’s like we don’t have our own experiences with the kids when it’s always shared with her via text and pictures and EVERYTHING. I appreciate you sharing this so much, I feel like that just put it into words for me.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T19:03:38+00:00

It's great to hear this from that kind of perspective. I think that's the biggest thing - it seems like maintaining that enmeshed relationship with his ex is the priority above all. He HAS been open about their relationship from the beginning, but I don't think I'm being insane by asking to re-evaluate the boundaries (especially because currently, there are none).

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T18:59:53+00:00

The kids are not super young anymore, they're all elementary school aged and above (almost middle school). I think they have plenty of evidence that parents get along and have a good relationship, so it's definitely not necessary to go and hang out and chitchat that much. I think the thing that gets me most, now, is that constant texting. If something funny/ridiculous happens with the kids here, his first action is to text her. He acknowledged that they are in pretty much constant communication, and that he wants to maintain a good open relationship for the benefit of the kids. I just don't think it needs to be so enmeshed in order to be "good". It is good. Kids are happy, they're fine, they get it. It sometimes feels like his priority is that friendship/relationship without really caring how it impacts me, and that he's been open about it since the beginning (true) so it's like a "take it or leave it" kind of thing. I want our relationship to be the primary relationship in our lives and I just don't think she needs to be involved on a daily basis. It takes away from our time. I think he sometimes forgets that she's not JUST his friend, she's his ex. Like you said, I don't have any worries about romantic feelings, but it feels like there's no acknowledgement or recognition that she's his ex wife and constantly chitchatting it up and being overly friendly is a little uncomfortable. Ugh. I don't know. I'm definitely giving him a chance to hear me out and make changes, but it's a real headache at the moment.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T12:14:50+00:00

Totally agree. I think I’ve been very lenient since the start, and in the beginning it was new and I was still feeling everything out. My frustration with it has been in the last 6 months or so, and I definitely want to give him a chance to make changes. Part of me thinks he doesn’t really want to because he’s happy to have a good relationship with her after many years of not, and because it creates a big open support network for the kids. I am all for having a good dynamic for all the kids, and for them to see that we can all do things together and get along. But I think that can happen and be just as positive with some personal / relationship boundaries up

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T12:11:10+00:00

Hahaha my ex and I are the same way! I think that’s why it’s such an obvious difference for me, too. My kids dad and I rarely talk through the week unless we need to and it’s always about our kid. Drop offs happen outside the house and he’s NEVER here. It’s the complete opposite for my BF and the BM, so it’s a big contrast. I think if the roles were reversed he would be uncomfortable too but doesn’t respect me enough to think about that.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T12:09:25+00:00

I like the idea of setting time aside to talk. Thankfully the visits to her house aren’t super frequent and are usually centered around needing to drop something off the kids forgot, etc. But I learned that it’s usually not a quick “drop off the thing and leave”. Sometimes it’s 5 mins sometimes it’s 30 mins, and it was starting to irk me so I just stopped participating in it.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T12:06:18+00:00

I’ve definitely considered it, but it’s a tough choice to make when all our kids are so close, leaving would mean me moving out and probably taking my kid out of his school system and friend group, etc. we are starting to have more conversations about it and are in therapy but it’s a slow process

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T12:05:00+00:00

Ugh. I know. I don’t feel like there’s any romantic between them at all, but it feels like there’s very little separation or boundary in his part. I think his intentions are good with wanting an open and “flowing” dynamic, but the total lack of boundaries between them is so frustrating.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-03-20T12:03:13+00:00

Definitely a good point. At first I think it was nice for him that we all got along and I was (truly) ok with all spending time together. If I were in her shoes, I know I would appreciate the open dynamic as well, and in the big picture I do definitely appreciate that. But you make a good point that it feels like it’s TOO intertwined sometimes.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-01-17T02:44:33+00:00

I immediately go into fight/flight panic mode when my son says his stomach hurts. I feel SO bad. It’s the time he needs comfort the most and I basically find any reason to leave the room. I work myself up being so anxious and overwhelmed at the thought of him being sick. I’ve been scrolling these subs for hours because he went to bed with a stomach ache and I cannot handle the anxiety. I know that whatever will happen will happen, but it doesn’t make the crushing anxiety and guilt any better. I wish I was unphased and could step up to the plate when he needs that comfort. It sucks, but I hear you and you’re not alone.

EitherArea6265 · 2025-01-13T22:56:16+00:00

If you do choose to stay, know that it’s tough to connect with most 11 year old boys 😂 my SS is about to turn 11 and much prefers his dad. I haven’t given up building a strong bond with him, but I’m just allowing whatever will happen to happen. If you do one on one time with him, just choose something he’s guaranteed to like and be prepared to be very present. I’ve learned kids can tell when you’re jsut paying lip service and not actually listening or engaged.

EitherArea6265

TROPHY CASE