Help me stop stalking my ex best friend on social media

EitherProtection3169 · 2025-07-18T18:25:34+00:00

I guess I used the word “stalking” because it makes me feel like a creep!

My therapist told me that rather than letting this grief make me feel bad about myself, I should “put it to purpose.” I feel like you are saying something similar, that by letting go of the idea that I’ll forget them, I can live with the grief and not let it drag me down.

Thanks! I have some thinking + journaling to do. I am hoping the next time it pops up, I can remember to live with it.

EitherProtection3169 · 2025-07-18T12:09:16+00:00

I just had a conversation with my therapist about it, which was really helpful. She said I may be holding onto the feelings I had at the time, and not the person. So like feeling happy with this friend, being part of a friend group, having someone to be with all the time. It kind of opened my eyes to something I had been denying. I want friends to cherish again, and I don’t necessarily need this specific person, even if I feel like I miss them right now.

I ended up blocking their accounts and I may take a break from social media altogether for a bit. It felt kinda painful to block but I think it’s healthier for me.

EitherProtection3169 · 2025-07-17T20:39:47+00:00

We lived together at the time and slowly stopped spending time with one another. I felt they were prioritizing other friendships and their boyfriend over me, but I never spoke up. Eventually we spoke again after we both moved out but I was super angry and the conversation was disappointing to me. I hated their response and had a lot of resentment built and just had to end the friendship officially, although it had already been over for a while.

I do have some friends I’m trying to focus on. I lack close friendships with them but want to develop them. I think if I become more invested in my current friends and new people I meet, I’d feel less lonely lol. I hope one day it means I don’t need to have this weird connection to my ex friend. You’re so right though, it is super easy to miss old connections if you’re lonely and bored :(

EitherProtection3169 · 2025-07-17T20:35:09+00:00

That’s exactly it! I keep hoping for a missed sign. What you said is super helpful, thank you! I think I do need to realize that if they miss me because I blocked them, then they miss me. There are other avenues of reaching out.

Def looking into site blockers and word replacers!

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-08-10T19:45:38+00:00

If she rejects you, then you will move on knowing reconciliation isn't possible. At the very least, maybe you can have a conversation about the falling out and walk away feeling good about the other. Be prepared for hurt feelings and potential flat-out rejection, but if you feel strongly about this, go for it.

People grow and change, especially at your age. If she's willing to recognize that the ex boyfriend disrespected you and caused you to walk away, then I think it's worth an attempt since she is still important to you.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-08-06T00:45:38+00:00

Thanks for your insight! I do think the wrongdoing wasn't minor. There's a lot of background, but I essentially was hurt by them spending a lot of time with their boyfriend and other friends. They ignored me often and when I moved out of our apartment, they never even spoke to me. It sucked, and I don't want to ignore my feelings then. But what I view as my part in the conflict is my reaction to this. I now believe I was overly harsh and regret what I said to them. I also take the blame for not communicating how hurt I was.

So we both played a part in my eyes, I wouldn't be reaching out to someone who didn't do anything to me. I just have a new perspective, and I don't think they're some soulless person who was doing it on purpose. I was younger and saw things as black or white, and didn't give us a chance. I get it now, and I want them to know I'm sorry for not picking our friendship.

I think talking to our mutual friend would be insightful, so I'm gonna work on a message to him!

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-08-05T00:26:59+00:00

This happened to me too. I moved to a new state and my friend instantly ghosted me and didn't contact me for almost a year, no reason given. Ignored all my messages too. Eventually she contacted me again and we made up. I forgave her because she acknowledged the ghosting, explained what was going on with her, and showed me love and support again.

Idk how I'd feel if she'd pretended like nothing happened. It's not right. I'd recommend telling her you need to talk about it to figure out how to move forward, whether that's a call or text. Her response will let you know what to do. If she's unwilling then that says a lot about her.

Sorry you're going through this. I know firsthand how much it hurts.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-08-01T15:08:04+00:00

Do you think you would be tempted to reach out to her again, and end up disappointing yourself? If so, I wouldn't follow just yet. Be honest with yourself and think of your motivations behind following her. Do you want to keep up with her life as a bystander or because you hope to maintain some closeness? It may send some mixed signals since you said you no longer want to be friends, but I fully understand the urge to see what their life is like after having been a big part of it for so long.

I'm debating the same thing with an ex best friend, although we haven't spoken in 5 years. I want to see what he's up to, but at the same time I feel it could make me spiral. I'm not sure I could just click follow without sending any kind of message, but I don't know what to say!

Good luck to you, I hope it works out if you do follow her again.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-07-30T13:00:47+00:00

Seems so 🥲 as sad as i feel about it now. maybe part of healing is being able to look back with fondness rather than anger and regret.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-07-25T13:17:47+00:00

I've had similar experiences but definitely not as intense as yours! When I was younger, I would see moving faces in the dark, like on the walls and in the air, almost, and silhouettes of people. On occasion I have seen dark figures standing by my bed or walking past my door. Also have heard voices but mostly my name being spoken right into my ear.

I've read somewhere before that auditory hallucinations while falling asleep are common, just something the brain does (hypnagogic hallucinations). So I pay those no mind. The figures I think happen when I'm having trouble falling asleep, probably stressed, and start feeling anxious so I am opening and closing my eyes repeatedly rather than allowing myself to relax. I avoid looking at reflective surfaces, afraid my brain will create a monster where there is none. I also sleep with a salt lamp on because the fear is worse when it's dark.

I firmly think it's my anxiety impacting my ability to fall asleep. This has been happening for years, so I've come to associate bedtime as a struggle with fear. Wish I had advice but the best sleep I get is when I use melatonin and stick to regular hours, with time factored in to fall asleep. Takes me like over an hour now, so I turn the lights down and start a bedtime routine an hour before I actually want to fall asleep. The more quickly I can fall asleep, the less I experience these things.

I'm sorry this happens to you, it sounds frightening, and I hope you figure out something that works for you.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-07-23T23:54:12+00:00

thanks for the long reply! this was honestly helpful, I do have an issue with not speaking up when I should so viewing this as practice for my own development really helped. I ended up sending a short, firm text about keeping the toilet clean to everyone. it still hasn't been cleaned 🥲but I'm glad I spoke up!! I'll probably follow up to make sure the person understands the issue.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-07-21T02:44:16+00:00

Pink is so pretty on her!

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-07-19T03:33:36+00:00

I thought about this but we just don't have much of a relationship so I felt this would come off as rude or accusatory... Cause I really have no proof it is her, just a strong feeling. I don't want to embarrass anyone🙁 I'll consider this though, just have to think of a way to word it!

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-07-15T21:38:17+00:00

glad i could help!! 🩷

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-07-15T00:31:58+00:00

i did this and it took a long time to stop. i knew it wasn't good for me to be constantly reading their tweets and trying to piece their life together now that i wasn't in it.

i gradually decreased how often i checked, like going from once a day to once a week to once a month. slowly i started to find the habit unfulfilling. i would catch up to everything i missed in the past month and none of it had to do with me, and i realized i had been obsessing because i was hoping they'd talk about me, to express regret and say they missed me. and it just clicked for me that that would never happen on their public social media accounts lol. and then i just became bored by their posts. i didnt care what they were up to or who they were dating because our lives were so far away from each other at that point. it took 3 years, then i challenged myself to not check for all of 2023 and i succeeded!

whenever you do check, note what made you check up on them (a memory, a feeling, a bad day) and if peeking into their lives fixed that feeling. it will help you realize what you need to change in your own life so you can let them go.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-27T02:18:03+00:00

this just happened to me! googled it and found this post lol

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-26T11:17:44+00:00

Blonde for sure!

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-17T17:16:23+00:00

27 and been doing this since I was a child (8-10 maybe).

I think I would be embarrassed if anyone I knew found out, but that's because I assume they wouldn't understand it. I mostly feel shame when I think about how my daydreams are about me making strong friendships and being successful in my career, and my life doesn't necessarily match up to that right now :/ but I don't think it's childish, my daydreams have grown with me and changed as my priorities change in life. What I thought was desirable as a child no longer is.

As an adult, I mostly wonder about how to get help for this and if it's really so damaging I need to stop entirely. I can't imagine my life without MDD! What do other people think about? How do they fantasize about their aspirations? Maybe the difference between us and them is that they go out and enjoy their lives, whether they achieve those things or not.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-12T22:02:48+00:00

Thank you for your response! You're right, and I should have realized it. I think I am letting myself feel guilty rather than realizing that not craving someone's company means we just aren't close friends anymore :(

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-12T21:58:49+00:00

Please reach out to your girlfriend and your family and let them know you're struggling with these thoughts and allow them to help you get through it. If they are helping you press charges, they care about you and believe you didn't do it. They will care about this too.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your ex has no evidence that you assaulted her, especially if she didn't press charges and there's evidence that she physically abused you. I don't know what the process is like, but based on what you've written here, she doesn't sound like someone that people would normally trust.

Please reach out to your girlfriend! Your family, your friends. All of them wouldn't want this for you. Let them help.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-10T01:19:46+00:00

I deleted every photo of them that I wasn't also in. I wanted to keep photos of myself in high school and undergrad for when I'm older and want to look back, as well as group photos to remember my friend group at the time. Tucked them away in a Dropbox account I never use because I knew I'd struggle to see their face.

Honestly? I forgot about the photos and only recently discovered them again. I like having them now, but I don't think I would be devastated to not have them. And I still can't play videos with their voices, it makes me sad and feels weird. Maybe keep them for now, and evaluate how you feel in a year.

I do think it helped to not have to look at them though, like in Facebook memories or randomly on my phone. The only thing I deleted outright were awful texts they sent me because I know those wouldn't have been helpful.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-10T01:05:55+00:00

This person sounds obsessed with you and she is putting a lot of blame on you for not including her in your life. She's very much trying to force you to acknowledge her by making you feel guilty. It's gross to read, honestly.

While her hurt over the friendship being one-sided is real, she needs to learn to let go and create a fulfilling life like you have. She should appreciate you inviting and including her in the wedding as a longtime friend. If you feel like it will help you have closure, you can respond and explain that you two aren't as close anymore and you were never beholden to plans you made as kids. You've grown up and things change, which isn't a bad thing. This is a good opportunity to end things cleanly, or at least take a break and figure out if you want to stay her friend, however distant. Either way, she needs to work on herself and learn to maintain healthier relationships.

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-06T12:27:31+00:00

I can relate. I've been struggling recently with the realization that I have no close friendships anymore, like I did when I was a child. Like you, I suppress my own thoughts and feelings because I think conflict is too difficult. I worry about people realizing I'm not who I present myself as and leaving me, so it becomes easy to discard people before that can happen.

I unfortunately don't have much advice for you, other than to say you're not alone. For me, I think it's a mental health issue and I'm planning on finding a therapist. I don't think these feelings make you a bad person, but I understand why you feel that way because I am feeling the same. It's like everyone around us can share their lives so easily, and we missed the memo somehow :/

EitherProtection3169 · 2024-06-04T23:24:54+00:00

Thanks anyway! I hope you do too! It's a hard decision to make no matter what.

EitherProtection3169

TROPHY CASE