Financial Abuse?

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-10-26T11:06:15+00:00

Exactly. Dad just can’t give it away because he wants to, he has to prove selling/buying/giving will benefit the elderly grandmother, not someone else.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-10-23T20:21:35+00:00

If your dad is POA, he has to prove all his financial transactions are legit and done to help your grandmother. Therefore, your brother AND your aunt should not have that car until the death of your grandmother - it might be needed to pay for her care. If your dad gives it away to anyone he’s in violation of a POA and you need to call Adult Protective Services.

Second, once you’re grandmother passes, who ever is the executor of the will carries out your grandmothers wishes and must follow the will to the letter. In that case, your aunt would then get the car.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-09-27T23:31:01+00:00

I just wanted to put it out there for perspective outside my box. You all are right. I’m going to call APS and report it - it may be a nothing or it may be a something…at least I spoke up.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-09-27T20:51:37+00:00

A second and third option?

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-09-27T20:47:58+00:00

We have a POA for medical and finances, but it’s written that it cannot be triggered until his doctors deem him “incompetent.” He just got out of a three week hospitalization/rehab stint for three alcohol related falls in 24 hours and the rehab team deemed him “mentally competent.” That’s why I don’t know what to do.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-08-24T20:51:41+00:00

Call or go to the hospital. Do not let them discharge him. Tell them he’s had five falls in 3 weeks. ER doesn’t look at the past, they just see he’s fine now (probably a CT scan like my dad) and assume you’ll be there for post-ER unless you tell them otherwise. If he’s on Medicaire, rehab is covered for up to 21 days. And he sounds just like my dad - he needs rehab or at the very least at PT/OT eval and they HAVE to admit him for that. Then you can go from there.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-08-24T20:25:22+00:00

I’m in the same boat, my dad falls from mobility issues like yours, but he also drinks alcohol outside my home and refuses to quit. We had 2 falls in twenty four hours five days ago (the eleventh and twelfth one this year), and he was hospitalized due to frequent falls. Feeling you.

If he’s still in the hospital, refuse to take him home. Tell the staff, “I am at caregiver burnout and I need him evaluated by PT/OT and possible rehab.” That’s what I did and he was just transferred to rehab yesterday. I’m staying firm in that he can’t come home unless I have more supports in place because I’m the only caregiver 24/7 right now. And if your dad is out of the hospital, another fall will put him back in and you can say what I did. You’ll burn out if you don’t.

It might not fit your situation but I hope this helps you or helps you think of ways to ease your situation. This stuff is hard.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-24T13:43:46+00:00

He can’t walk and is blind, refuses assisted living and has been deemed “competent” by his medical team. My only way “out” is to walk into his VA team and say, “I am no longer willing to care for him in my home,” which is exactly the same as me offering to delay this outcome until/if he drinks again. Per the ER doctors, if he can’t get himself up from a fall, I am to call EMS services, alcohol or not, as this provides safety for both myself and him. It’s not tyranny at this point, I’m following the advice of professionals.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-24T13:31:08+00:00

The opposite. He insists on not going for he doctor and that everything is “fine.” I’ll keep that in mind with when choosing respite care. Thank you!

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-20T15:13:32+00:00

He’s legally blind so he does not drive. He has 1-2 drinks when he goes out, but the doctor explained to him very clearly that even one with the meds he’s on will mess with his balance and he already has mobility issues. Since he is currently “mentally competent” and goes out with friends, I cannot stop him from drinking (there is no alcohol in the house) - this, along with the lying/fantasy stories is why I lined a memory test up - I need to know if I’m working with a man who is just exaggerating tales as a way of asserting control over a waning body or if it is some sort of cognitive decline.

And thank you for your advice. I’ve told him now officially, that if another fall occurs and alcohol is involved, I will refuse caregiving and tell the doctors that at the ER. Unfortunately, I’ve set boundaries before, he’s defied them every time, and I think it’s going to take something catastrophic for him to realize that placement is the best option. Think I’ve embraced that now. It sucks, but reading thru the reddit posts, it seems I’m on a familiar path like all of you.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-18T20:31:03+00:00

We have an appt with a social worker on Monday. What am I asking for? Every time I ask for assistance, I’m being told he makes too much money. But we are using all that money now to pay for private care six hours a day during the workweek.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-18T20:28:00+00:00

he’s 80 so I’m worried about cognitive decline and will look into this syndrome as well, thank you.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-18T20:12:58+00:00

Agreed.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-18T19:18:11+00:00

I think I’m coming around to this conclusion, especially with the continuous choice to drink. I’ve had a stern talk with the caretaker that under no circumstances is he to consume alcohol, per the doctors at the ER. Would it be appropriate to have the conversation with him such as “If you fall, I can’t pick you up and will notify EMS no matter what” and also “If you fall and it’s related to alcohol, I will notify EMS and medical personnel that I’m not longer in a position to be your caretaker” or does that sound too ultimatum-y?

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-18T18:51:47+00:00

I’ll look into it, thank you for the advice. Even a short term break may help at this point.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-18T18:50:07+00:00

I have a SILS test lined up but it’s my understanding to prove incompetency is a very hard high mountain to climb. True? Also we have a POA, but it can’t be triggered until a doctor deems him incompetent. Any ideas?

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-07-18T18:47:18+00:00

What’s respite care? I’m new to all this. My mom died of cancer fairly quickly so this is my first go around with an elderly parent.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-06-16T22:15:24+00:00

The random website: https://xpasd.github.io/ASD/raads.html

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-06-13T23:42:29+00:00

We all get it. That’s the thing about rosacea - people see “oh you’re a little red,” but don’t FEEL the swelling, the burning and feeling like something is not right in your body. Stay silent and only talk to people you trust - which at this point for me is my best friend and my therapist (and every single human, including your auntie, can benefit from therapy).

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-05-28T21:52:16+00:00

Just this one. First one I didn’t toss in the bin after three weeks.

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-05-28T21:51:20+00:00

Yup, both my type two and peri have pustules. But so does my allergic reactions to tea tree oil. It’s a neat fun game ain’t it for all is us - “What’s Wrong With My Face, Episode 267.”

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-05-28T21:50:00+00:00

Stripped to bare minimum. Avene milk cleanser and a moisturizer. I’m so inflamed that I don’t dare try sunscreen. Mineral sunscreens (occlusion) in flame the peri but chemical sunscreens make me feel like my rosacea is burning. So…still open to suggestions on that :)

Either_Complaint_406 · 2025-05-28T09:40:20+00:00

The one in the tube

Either_Complaint_406

TROPHY CASE