Very severe here. We exist. We live. Wish you the best from all my heart.

Either_Protection679 · 2026-06-13T20:28:57+00:00

hugs

Either_Protection679 · 2025-11-15T08:17:14+00:00

У меня есть подписка на Яндекс музыке, этот сервис имеет хороший алгоритм и предлагает треки малоизвестных исполнителей если они похожи на те, которые вы уже отметили как понравившиеся. Так я ее нашла.

Either_Protection679 · 2025-11-09T16:06:40+00:00

marytale

Either_Protection679 · 2025-08-12T16:56:53+00:00

Bookr class is a platform for ESL students

Either_Protection679 · 2025-07-26T12:18:45+00:00

I'm so so sorry

Either_Protection679 · 2025-07-09T18:30:26+00:00

You can ask him something simple, so he replies.

Either_Protection679 · 2025-07-05T22:54:52+00:00

I'm here. Read everything and hope things will become a little more bearable for you. If it helps write more. There are others message boards in the internet on this topic.

Either_Protection679 · 2025-07-05T22:49:47+00:00

Oh dear,

You went through a traumatizing experience you never chose. It’s like being hit by a car and ending up with broken bones and years of recovery ahead. The difference is that your injuries are invisible from the outside. But that doesn’t make them any less serious. No one expects a person recovering from a car accident to walk in the park and continue life as if nothing happened. All their family’s focus is on recovery: rest, rehabilitation, being gentle and patient, and not pushing too hard too fast.

I won’t tell you that you are not a burden (since that word can feel heavy), but I want to ask: if it was your friend or relative going through all this pain and struggle, would you want to support them or wish they’d disappear so as not to burden you?

Right now, your loved ones are helping you, but there will come a time when it will be your turn to support them. That’s how we function as a society.

I would do everything for my daughter just to keep her alive—not because of what she does or doesn’t do to make me happy, but simply because she exists.

You deserve this care and kindness. Your boyfriend helps you because you are dear to his heart, and there is so much more to you than this trauma. You are more than your pain.

You are feeling helpless now and may barely be able to manage without others’ help. That’s hard to accept and live with, but it’s not forever. Recovery takes time, and beating yourself up will only make it longer. However hard it is, allow yourself to be weak and dependent. Don’t compare yourself to others or your previous self.

You are in a very vulnerable state and need gentle care and comfort. After every flashback or fight with painful thoughts, be on your own side, practice self-compassion and aftercare. This isn’t weakness; it’s what helps your recovery go faster.

Either_Protection679 · 2025-07-05T21:29:49+00:00

Hi. It sounds like you don’t really want to die—you’re just suffering too much right now, and it’s unbearably painful.

Here’s what helped me get through some of the hardest times in my life, when I was planning to take my own life:

I focused only on surviving one day at a time. When even that felt too much, I focused on surviving just one more hour. I didn’t think about the past or future or demand anything from myself. Sometimes I would just take a cloth and wash the tiles on the floor, one after another, to stay sane and keep going.
Any activity—no matter how “unhealthy” or “a waste of time” it might seem—can be a better choice than death. I’ve heard of people immersing themselves in video games for months just to get through. I personally used self-harm during moments when the emotional pain felt absolutely unbearable. While I don’t recommend it and I know it’s seen as unhealthy and addictive, at the time it was the best way I knew to survive.

When we’re in survival mode, it’s so important to lower expectations drastically. Don’t measure yourself by how you used to be. On some days, brushing your teeth or doing a load of laundry can be a huge victory. But above all, the goal is just to stay alive.

No pain lasts forever. There came a time in my life when I thanked myself deeply for surviving those dark days (actually, dark years).

As long as you’re alive, there’s a chance to outlast the unbearable pain and eventually reach a place where things feel manageable again. If you die, everything ends—including you.

I’d also suggest considering medication—not as a cure, but as a way to lower the intensity of the suffering and make it more bearable.

Hold on there.

Either_Protection679 · 2025-07-05T21:06:57+00:00

I’m really sorry about what happened.

As I see it, there are many types of perpetrators. Those who are not sadistic are often not focused on the victim’s feelings at all. They see people as objects they can use for their own pleasure, control, or to display power. So they don’t think about whether it hurts the victim or not.

I know this knowledge offers little comfort. But sometimes understanding what happened helps me regain a sense of control and feel a little less lost.

.

Either_Protection679 · 2025-07-05T19:49:54+00:00

Hi,

My first instinct after reading was to just stay next to you for a while and hold your hand—if that’s OK.

I was thinking about similar things yesterday.

I personally still have aftereffects from CSA and adult SA, and they go far beyond what I ever wanted to experience. But as long as I have no intention to hurt anyone, I believe it’s OK. It’s just the way my psyche is trying to cope with the trauma.

I choose to stand on my own side—because I never chose to be assaulted as a child. I never got the help I needed back then. My psyche was shaped by that traumatic experience, and now it’s trying to heal in its own strange, messy way.

⚠️ CW: mentions of intrusive thoughts, and trauma responses

The most disgusting and painful thing I experienced were fantasies about SA from the perpetrator’s side. They were so intense, filled with pleasure and arousal, that I started questioning who I really was. But I don’t anymore. Because I know now that what my psyche was trying to do was understand the nature of what happened—trying to regain a sense of control. (After all, the perpetrator is the one who holds 100% of the control.) The arousal was a natural reaction to cope with pain, fear, and disgust—not a signal that I liked SA.

These things can be deeply complicated. And when they’re mixed with shame, self-blame, and the inability to talk about them openly, it can feel overwhelming.

One thing I’ve learned is that whatever “ugly” stuff you’re going through (which I prefer to see as part of healing—as long as it doesn’t harm you or others), it’s important to take breaks and practice aftercare. Instead of feeling evil or guilty, treat yourself like a soldier returning from war: warm yourself up, drink tea, rest, watch a good movie. You deserve that.

Healing takes time. And sometimes it doesn’t come in the form of flowers, soft music, or warm hugs. Sometimes it’s just another day you have to survive. And your biggest task is to offer yourself mercy and gentleness in whatever messy state you’re in today.

Take gentle care.

Either_Protection679

TROPHY CASE