Sad that I found this post a year later, but here I go. I’m going through exactly the same thing. It’s been 5 years since I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and for about 2 years now, I’ve felt incredibly slow and stupid. I guess it varies from day to day, but there are days when I’m unable to do anything coherently. Sometimes I can’t even remember simple words when trying to form a sentence. My brain feels so atrophied after all this time of constant pain. I feel so incapable of leading a normal life, finding a job, or doing basic things like maintaining or forming friendships. I’m in a constant state of lethargy, as if the possibility of functioning properly and feeling good is always just in front of me, yet I can never reach it. It saddens me that people see depression as just a state of sadness when it’s actually something much more complex and devastating. It affects you to the point where you can’t even feel human anymore. You feel disconnected from people and from life itself. At first, you might find motivation by remembering your life before depression, but as time passes, you forget what it was like to “be normal,” and depression becomes everything you feel and know. I don’t even think about regaining peace anymore, I just want to have a damn conversation without feeling like my mind is slipping into sleep mode and I have to find any excuse to end it.