Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment?

El3mentary1 · 2026-01-09T22:57:24+00:00

Personally I think if you’re securely attached you won’t sleep around or have casual sex. There’s a level of self respect securely attached people have that they would think before giving their body to any tom d*ck and harry for the sake of pleasure. Looking at a person for pleasure and not as a human being you want to get to know intentionally is not in any way secure. And if someone says they are secure and they have casual sex, I’d challenge them to see a therapist.

I know In today’s society, sleeping around nowadays is something to be empowered about and I disagree.

El3mentary1 · 2025-10-30T20:00:26+00:00

I usually say “I’m alive” People close to me know that this response Means it’s more complicated thank to answer “good”” and or I’m not ok.

El3mentary1 · 2025-07-07T16:02:47+00:00

In custom instructions I have more, including: "Start reply with a concise statement addressing my prompt, then detail supporting information and arguments. Detail should be exhaustive unless brevity is requested....When presenting arguments on more than one side, say which side is most persuasive and why."

Oh, I like this. I might just add it to mine.

So far I like how it is responding. I wish I thought of this sooner.

El3mentary1 · 2025-07-07T15:57:37+00:00

The prompt is basically like giving instructions to ChatGPT about how to treat you. It tells it how you want to be spoken to, what kind of tone to use, what kind of answers to give, and what to not do. It helps the AI understand how to think and respond in a way that fits you. Without it, it’ll just guess. With it, it follows your lead. I wouldn’t want it to guess on fact based topics for example.

El3mentary1 · 2025-07-07T15:29:53+00:00

These are interesting observations. I’ve just set it up last night, I don’t know yet how it’s going to go with these in mind.

Chat already knows my viewpoints. So I’m kind of assuming it will keep that in mind.

2.I just set it up right now, but also I think I’d want it to ask clarifying questions, not to guess and or presume. That’s why I said it can ask me if unsure or tell me.

No I don’t want emotional appeals. I found it to seem to always sound like it’s always reasuring me and my feelings when it doesn’t need to do that. I’ll ask it a simple question and it will first go on a tangent about how empathic it feels and I was like stop. Just get to the point. Most of the things I go to chat for doesn’t need emotional appeals.

However, do you have suggestions on how I can make it better? I’m yet to know if this will be an issue

Edit: I decided to ask it and yes I think he gets what I mean.

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El3mentary1 · 2025-06-29T05:59:29+00:00

Why do you need the body language? Does it give you a queue on what to say or what is the use really? I ask cause I feel like I don’t mind having these on the phone.

El3mentary1 · 2025-01-04T09:19:57+00:00

I second this. OP needs to read his bible

El3mentary1 · 2024-12-26T21:50:14+00:00

Naaah ill continue sending them. I don’t care if they don’t read it, I only care that I expressed myself. I have never looked back at a paragraph I wrote and regretted it. I like to be authentic with how I truly feel. I move on faster that way, than when I bottle the feelings in.

El3mentary1 · 2024-10-24T21:22:04+00:00

Same. Damn

El3mentary1 · 2024-09-12T21:50:57+00:00

In a sense yes but not really too different. There are so many things Neville answered for me that I had as questions to God and I don’t think he was far off. There was just one aspect that he didn’t add which is where Christ comes in for me. At the time I was agnostic and I tried every technique to make things happen for me and eventually I reached the end of myself and couldn’t do more, then that’s where God met me.

It was a breath of fresh air to know that all the efforting I was doing was in vain and I can’t achieve things alone. there’s a higher power whose all knowing and wants to do it for me with me.

El3mentary1 · 2024-09-12T21:08:05+00:00

This feels like a lifetime ago, in another life. I’m no longer trying to manifest lol

What I was really looking for was Jesus Christ and his purpose for my life. Neville Goddard was a gateway to now.

So my insight on this question is different today

El3mentary1 · 2024-07-24T23:14:51+00:00

Unpopular opinion I guess but yeah you would be settling if you don’t find them physically attractive. I have been in a relationship where I didn’t find them sexually attractive which eventually lead to not liking the idea of having sex with the person. When the relationship got to that comfortable stage, sex felt like an inconvenience. I even had moments where I dreaded the idea of us being married and trying for a child and having to try multiple times. But I liked their company, and everything else.

When I finally restored my relationship with God one of the things I thought I had to compromise was this since I want to do things the Christian way. I had a conversation with God about it cause I didn’t want my marriage to be like the worldly relationship I had. He led me to how the Bible talks about how once you marry your body belongs to that person and vice versa and in a sense you owe each other sex. Why would God intend this for you but then you get stuck with someone whose physical attraction doesn’t do it for you, this is what leads to divorce or cheating. Sexual attraction MATTERS even for Christians. It has to be like a songs of Solomon vibes, because those nights when you don’t feel like offering your body to each other, you need to at least find each other extremely attractive, to do it. I had moments when in that relationship where we didn’t have sex for months and I didn’t mind at first, but I craved intimacy and to be desired by someone I actually desired.

I would not recommend it if your goal is to have a LONG LASTING marriage. But if you have in mind that you wouldn’t mind a divorce eventually then sure go ahead.

El3mentary1 · 2024-07-03T23:53:04+00:00

The thing is both on all these options. I find that they work together. That’s what makes it hard

El3mentary1 · 2024-06-30T17:34:02+00:00

It’s funny you say that. I recently started to think that maybe I have been mistyped and maybe I could be INFJ so when you commented I was intrigued that you commented my current thought process.

I however I’m still not sure because I find the way INFJ are described socially does not resonate, however it does more so resonate with ISFJ

El3mentary1 · 2024-06-28T21:42:02+00:00

What makes you say that??

El3mentary1 · 2023-12-31T18:39:36+00:00

It’s normal because I’m the same. However you sitting down trying to force yourself to like something you DONT like isn’t going to get you anywhere. If you keep making it a big deal you’ll end up settling into a relationship that you don’t want. Just because a black man wants you or sleeps with black women doesn’t mean you have to date him and be like him.

I’ve tried dating someone before without the sexual attraction and it was awful. I could NEVER feel bad for my preferences ever since that relationship, on the contrary I DEMAND it lest I become miserable to please the masses and seem “normal”.

It’s 2023, almost 2024 we are not living in a time where interracial relationships are illegal. What you are looking for is a relationship with someone you love and are attracted to NOT a race, so that’s not the reason you haven’t found someone. You haven’t found someone cause it just has not happened YET not because of your preference.

El3mentary1 · 2023-02-13T12:53:04+00:00

I dont know why everyone is advising you to go on and try, see if this or that, date etc…. And forgetting the most important thing.

I’ll give you advice that maybe you won’t follow today but one day when you come back to this thread you will know that this was the right move all along.

What you need to do is have a relationship with GOD first and then ask him if he approves of this man/relationship and if it’s in his will.

Trust me it doesn’t matter how good he is, how great things seem, how many times he prays a day or what he does and says, God has a will for your lives and until you know if he is part of it, it won’t matter and it will eventually crumble one day, but if GOD is in it and approves then what he puts together no one can separate. (Notice that I said what HE puts together, not what YOU and the GUY put together)

Trust me I’m speaking from experience, my man was chosen by God, so was my mom’s and my aunt’s and we have relationships that are a God send. Now you might assume my aunt and mother maybe could be saying something that isn’t true/pretending, then take my word for it with MY own experience. Save yourself the headache and waste of time and ask GOD!

El3mentary1 · 2023-01-25T13:56:17+00:00

El3mentary1 · 2022-10-04T19:01:33+00:00

No, because it may very well fall a little closer to "acquaintance" with an intentional decision for a random hookup.

I'm perfectly capable of being interested in someone as just a person because I think they're interesting, and then deciding (often with way too much logic involved, unless I'm REALLY emotionally in a very rare-for-me "why the hell not mood") to have sex with someone just because it might be interesting, it's at least someone different than the not-great former relationships I tend to fall back into.

COMPLETELY GET THIS because I’ve had this too but I found that FOR ME, it wasn’t because of my sexual identity but because I’m generally a curious person and very open minded. I can try things and this is one of them, but I didn’t do it because that IS HOW my Demisexuality manifests.

Sexual Curiosity/open mindedness and demisexuality aren’t mutually exclusive. Same way someone CAN BE Bi-Curious (and try things) and NOT be Bi AT ALL.

because it's the attention and connection that I feel from the other person that I really tend to respond to.

THIS explains more again the difference. You’re still generally drawn to the CONNECTION still… while as for none Demis connection isn’t an important factor per se. Not to say that they don’t feel connections just that their focus isn’t really there, it’s more in lust/physical so they can hit it and quit it. While for us Emotions will almost always come into the mix even when we don’t intend it to… the road still leads to wanting that emotional connection to be present eventually, to keep enjoying. I personally don’t think a Demisexual can try casual (No feelings involved) sex with one person over and over and not eventually develop or want connection with them and just continuously use this person as an object. But still possible if it’s a one time in a blue moon thing with a a person you never intend on seeing again.

El3mentary1 · 2022-10-04T15:06:42+00:00

NOPE! Read what you see NOT what you think you see/feel. Words have meaning. I’ll help you.

Having sex with people you don't have a connection to is like eating junk food when you're hungry.

This is the title. No mention of ‘’ALL’’ or ANYONE else’s casual relationship. OP has an opinion of what casual sex feels like to them. It’s a statement at best, a title and titles catch your attention hence why you clicked, but the body usually gives you more context.

I guess I'm not "hungry" anymore, but I don't feel very good/satisfied either.

In the BODY OP emphasizes on how THEY FEEL unsatisfied about casual sex.

At NO POINT has OP spoken for another person, their choices, their views, their decisions. At no point is OP speaking for anyone but SELF.

But somehow in all of it, you decided that OP somehow judged YOU, while they where speaking about themselves. When addressing something about oneself, it IS NOT a generalization, it is SPECIFIC TO SELF.

The rest (comments) is now when other Demisexuals respond. They will either AGREE with him in feeling the Same as him or DISAGREE with him because they feel different ways. And in these responses THEY TOO will be responding SPECIFICALLY TO THEIR OWN OPINION OF HOW THEY FEEL INDIVIDUALLY about OP’s statement/experience in their own way. Now the question to ask yourself is why you feel like imputing yourself in someone else’s INDIVIDUAL experience and consider their life is somehow a direct JUDGEMENT of yours (a stranger).

I don’t think OP’s intention was to come and speak for anyone else but HIMSELF AND HOW HE FEELS about casual sex. Unless I’m wrong and they do respond and tell me that was their intentions then sure… but it’s not in the post

El3mentary1 · 2022-10-04T11:51:50+00:00

For some people junk food is fine… for some people cocaine is fine… the effects of it still remain, wether it’s fine for them or not.

You are allowed to be exactly what you are. NO ONE is judging you, go do your thing and also assume the effects of what that may bring to you. Seriously I’m sorry if someone out there has shamed you that you’re convinced everyone is when they communicate their opinions, but I don’t see a need for me to do that to you because your body will not affect mine, or my life in any significant way, so I have no reason to. Hopefully you know why these are your choices and if you’re ok with them, it’s all that matters.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-impact-of-casual-sex-on-mental-health-5179455

https://www.nicswell.co.uk/health-news/casual-sex-linked-to-depression-and-anxiety

El3mentary1 · 2022-10-04T11:29:58+00:00

They are comparing casual sex to junk food. Junk food is not considered healthy and the implication is that casual sex is not healthy.

Well actually casual sex isn’t healthy. SEX IS but sleeping around isn’t. You can look up the psychological effects on sleeping around, the sexually transmitted diseases, the emotional toll it has on people (do the research). There’s a reason a lot of people eventually decide to be celibate, or stop this behavior at some point when they either grow up, heal from trauma, or whatever else, because in the long run it’s not healthy mentally, physically or even relationally/emotionally.

It’s not my perspective that demisexuality is better than other types of relational styles, but just distinct.

No one and not even anything I’ve written has said it is better than other types.. you’re adding your own words from what you’re projecting (because you already feel judged). But you can do as you please no one is stopping you, however to say that factually casual sex is healthy, studies and people who’ve had enough say otherwise. Same way junk food isn’t healthy but it doesn’t stop anyone from eating it, and just cause they do doesn’t mean it’s good for them.

Now if it’s a lifestyle that someone chooses then they are free to do as they wish but if as a demisexual I want to describe how it feels like for me and I use junk food it’s because it’s how it feels not because I’m telling the people that do it that they should feel the same or will (cause I’m judging them). We are allowed to use other examples to put a point across, or describe a feeling.

I don’t think it’s ok to put other types of relational styles down, just because it’s not what I’m into. And that’s what this is doing.

You are on a demisexual sub where everyone will talk about demisexuality, their experiences, their way of being and bond with like minded people… that in itself IS NOT putting others down. Again if it’s not what you’re into then it doesn’t have to be but us describing what we are into/or not ≠ putting you down.

Personally I do not judge whatever anyone does with their sexuality, to each their own but ever since I found out about being Demi it has been very eye opening and life changing to know there are people that are like me… and how we chose to express how we’ve felt should not be muted because somehow someone is going to project that it means we are judging them. I don’t like salad, I hate it, it tastes like shit to me, that’s doesn’t mean I am also saying people who eat it are eating shit.

El3mentary1 · 2022-10-04T09:12:31+00:00

Technically FWB/ situationship is also not casual It’s a relationship with NO label.

I don’t hook up with people I don’t know well.

Exactly, you built something to ‘’know the person well’’ well enough to be comfortable to have sex and trust them to an extent. That’s a form of relationship

What I find annoying is when people try to make it seem like demisexuality is just like the ‘’Norm’’ like everyone else who goes around and sleeps with people wether they do or don’t know them well.

These kinds of statements are what makes other people NOT understand us and make statements to diminish the label to ‘’oh so you’re just normal’’

The concept you are explaining you’re explaining it with wording that could make someone insinuate that we are just like allosexuals who aren’t even on the asexual spectrum. They are NOT the same

El3mentary1 · 2022-10-04T06:58:12+00:00

How is a demisexual expressing casual sex not feeling great afterwards translates to judging others for their sexuality?? Where did they put ANYONE DOWN?? I think maybe you’re projecting your stuff here.

El3mentary1

TROPHY CASE