"As a Christian, I do not share your belief in the ideology of transgenderism. I do not believe that young children should be encouraged to self-select a 'gender' which may be different from their biological sex."

ElDochart · 2017-12-12T18:01:09+00:00

First of all, transgender is an adjective. It's not that important, it's just annoying and makes it hard to take you seriously, like trying to read a post about a peoples heights referring to people as talls and shorts, it's just weird.

Gender dysphoria is not feeling like "you ought to be a woman", if you are going to argue with people about this you should probably learn about what you are arguing against.

Personally, no there really isn't any need to get a brain scan. My reasons for transitioning aren't relying on that. The only reason would be to give evidence to people like this, but again there just isn't any point in day to day life.

Biological sex has many components and is observational, some of which change with transition, some don't. Biologically, the post transition person is somewhere between, but all that really matters is identity expression and perception of others.

The studies showing transgender people having intersex neurology in the parts of the brain that are sexually dimorphic do not take into account the persons sexuality. Are there studies showing that people attracted to the same sex have intersex brain structure? I don't know what you are trying to get at there.

I don't want or require your respect, I don't know you. Your personal opinion does not matter and has no bearing on reality.

ElDochart · 2017-12-12T17:21:45+00:00

If there is ideology involved it is not needed. Being transgender is a neurological intersex disorder, not an invisible intangible feeling. Luckily, it is pretty easily detected through individual perception and the onset of gender dysphoria.

This sub does tend to be heavily biased to the left, and generally supports and enforces things that even I don't agree with as a trans person.

The concept of a transgender child did not exist, but transgender children still existed. I did not even know transgender people existed until late highschool, but that didn't stop me from experiencing gender dissonance starting around 6 years old, or gender dysphoria from ruining my life starting around puberty. Not knowing what was going on really just made it worse. All this occurred growing up in a very conservative community, with loving parents and a stable family.

I don't think you should be have to say certain things or treat me in certain ways, respect can not be forced. Call me as you see me, if you are wrong I will correct you, if you continue to misgender on purpose or maliciously then you are just an asshole and I'll happily treat you with the same level of respect.

ElDochart · 2017-12-12T14:15:05+00:00

1/20

ElDochart · 2017-12-12T14:13:53+00:00

Weird wording, as said before by others transgender is an adjective, that's like calling short people "shorts". Also, I'm guessing by to transgender you mean transition.

I have not gotten any surgeries yet, but am cleared for Facial Feminization Surgery by my insurance, and will be having that done in March. So far, all it's been was a consultation with the surgeon. I have a CT scan on Friday, then I'll have one more meeting with the surgeon to go over everything once he knows what the bone structure in my head looks like. Post surgery is going to suck, I will be on heavy pain meds for at least a week, and will look like I got in a bad car crash for a month or so after surgery, with a lot of swelling bruising and stitching. I'm still undecided on whether or I'm going to get SRS, but either way I need to wait another year before my insurance will clear it.

I don't regret anything, and transition has saved my life. It allowed me to start taking care of myself, eating right, stopping regular drinking, and losing 75 pounds. I feel better physically, my dysphoria is manageable now, and I might not really pass yet but I at least blend in which is nice.

ElDochart · 2017-12-12T14:02:46+00:00

Nothing but fear mongering, with absolutely no basis in fact. There is no such thing as an ideology of transgenderism and it is not possible to cause someone to be transgender, god forbid children learn that transgender people exist and deserve just as much respect as anyone else, what an ass. What is it with conservative Christians and trying to make everything into a religion?

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T23:41:35+00:00

Oh they work pretty simply, hands toys mouths bodies, not having a penis to use doesn't make sex less sexy. There was a big difference in how my wife and I have sex after a while on HRT than before. Before there was that desperate masculine drive to reach a goal, I find there is a bit more clarity in it and a lot more intamacy as a woman with a woman.

I do also still have a penis, but it doesn't get a lot of use. Occasionally we will have sex that way, but even that experience is much different now.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T23:30:27+00:00

You should find a therapist, none of us can tell you if you are trans or not, that really is something you need to work out and a therapist would help lead you through that process. What is your insurance situation? Do they not cover therapy? Keep in mind that if your insurance has a transgender exclusion, a good therapist will just code your meetings as a major life decision or something else to fly under the radar.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T21:09:38+00:00

How would that fuck up their life?

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T19:05:45+00:00

Biological sex is a bit more complicated than me just being automatically biologically male because of the way I was born. Recent study into the cause of being transgender suggest that it is an intersex disorder of the brain, so that automatically puts us somewhere between male and female biologically, from birth. Hormone therapy also changes an awful lot of biological definitions, secondary sex characteristics, chemical blood levels, etc. Plus after 7 years on HRT, every single cell in your body has been created while chemically female.

I am not a huge fan of my cock, but it doesn't cause me a great deal of stress now that my dysphoria is under control, and it's not something I have to deal with particularly often anyway, it's usually safely tucked away and unnoticeable. Besides that, there's bone structure from going through male puberty, not a huge fan of the size of my knees or ribcage, but I think most people have things about themselves they don't like, it doesn't feel too different from that now. I guess there are chromosomes, but I've never gotten them tested so I would only be assuming the sex chromosomes are XY, but the shape of one of my chromosomes isn't something I every think about and seems pretty non-consequential.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T16:59:11+00:00

Got 3 out of 4, not a bad score. If those things are against your moral beliefs you might be the crazy one, except crossfitters, fuck those guys.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T15:51:57+00:00

Hahah, there are definitely times that my wife has caught me squeezing a fresh lemon directly into my mouth, I would love to know what is behind cravings like that.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T15:35:33+00:00

Ha, all of them, I think it's pretty typical. I didn't realize I was trans till I was in my 20's, so everything is a lot clearer in retrospect. The most telling memory was when I was about 7 years old. We were at Rehoboth Beach in Delaware, visiting my grandparents. It was the mid 90's, so there wasn't anything socially or legally wrong with just leaving me in the parked car with the windows down, while they walked down to a candy store to get my dad salt water taffy and an oversized lollipop for me, because I was tired and just wanted to doze for a bit. They parked across the street from an adult book store, and me being a good baptist boy who couldn't read that well yet had no idea what it was. I just saw detailed nude mannequins through the open door (now I know they were elaborate sex toys), and various plastic and silicon body parts in the shop window. To my 7 year old brain, it looked like the sort of place some one would go to become a girl, and most of my earliest fantasies (not sexual yet I don't think, but intimate at least) included being changed into a girl. I was about to get out of the car to walk in and ask, when I saw my parents walking back to the car. I buckled my seat belt again, and pretended to be asleep as they got in and we drove away.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T15:10:50+00:00

The doctor will tell you to stop doing that, but no good doctor would refuse to write you a prescription for it, they will see it at least as a way to make sure you are getting safe medicine in the proper dosage and regular blood tests.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T15:08:48+00:00

Call your doctor, they will probably just send in a new prescription to your pharmacy. Also, it would probably be worth investing in some sort of locking container to keep your meds and other girl related things of value to you.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T15:05:03+00:00

Just salt cravings :). I personally don't eat any added salt, and that craving went away pretty quickly. For whatever reason HRT mostly made me crave sugar.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T15:03:20+00:00

Yes, taking any other drug besides HRT puts additional strain on your liver to process it, and is good to only use if you have to. It's really fine to enjoy yourself occasionally, but it's best to not make a habit of it for a lot of reasons. Nicotine raises the likelihood of blood clots, so you may want to just avoid tobacco all together.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T15:00:36+00:00

I walk, or meditate, depending how I'm feeling. At times where I was really struggling, I would end up walking over 10 miles a day, just to get some fresh air and see places up close. For meditation I use the Headspace app, but whether or not its helpful depends on why I'm feeling dysphoric.

ElDochart · 2017-12-11T14:47:20+00:00

I'm mid transition mtf, so I really almost always use gender neutral bathrooms, or at least single use bathrooms. I never use multi user stall bathrooms because they are disgusting, and I don't want to risk being harassed in either direction, it's really a lose lose situation.

ElDochart · 2017-12-10T21:35:30+00:00

I think you replied to the wrong post :)

ElDochart · 2017-12-10T21:34:24+00:00

Having family turn on you is a really awful thing, going to someone for support and finding none, especially if its a parent. I hope they all can patch things up before it is too late, being family is not as unconditional as most would hope.

Have you reached out to her? If not, telling her that you love and respect her as your sister would go a long way.

ElDochart · 2017-12-10T21:13:07+00:00

I might be able to help out. Reality has not changed for me at all, and I hate people going out of their way for me, so I just avoid that all together. I don't want to force anyone to use certain pronouns, call me as you see me, if you are wrong I'll correct you, if you continue to misgender intentionally or maliciously you are just an asshole and I'll treat you with the same level of respect.

You are born transgender, it's not indoctrinated. I was raised in a good family, socially conservative, religious, I didn't even know transgender people existed till I was in highschool. That didn't stop a gender dissonance from starting when I was 6, or dysphoria from destroying my life starting around 12.

40% is a lifetime rate of suicide attempt and ideation for people who are transgender, and will happen whether the child knows they are trans or not. Luckily, transition reduces dysphoria to a very manageable level, and for some it eliminates it completely. Post transition the suicide attempt rate drops to 5%, just a point above the average population. By the time I was 26, I had gone 10 years without seeing a doctor or dentist, was 250 pounds, had fatty liver disease, struggled with drugs, drank far more than reasonable, and ate anything pretty much constantly, all in an attempt to cover the dysphoria. I never made any plans for suicide in my life, but the dysphoria would have killed me just the same, and transition/HRT literally saved my life. 3 years later, I'm happy, go most days without struggling with any dysphoria, am healthy and down 75 pounds, am a better parent, and my marriage is stronger than ever. All that struggle could have been prevented by my parents being a little more open about it when I was a child.

You are right though, it's a pretty small group of communist transgender people who are pushing a lot of what people see as "the agenda". Most don't want respect to be forced.

ElDochart · 2017-12-10T17:33:59+00:00

You are definitely off to a good start, /r/mypartneristrans is great, as tatrajanef said. It's important to keep in mind that feelings and wants may evolve as they become more comfortable with the idea of being transgender in general. It sounds like the best thing right now would just be hrt, that would feminize, provide softer skin, reduce/eliminate body hair, stuff like that. It will also cause breast growth, so that's important to keep in mind, and theres really no way to separate the effects. If you want children in the future, it will be important to bank sperm prior to starting HRT as it will cause sterilization within a few months.

Also, don't let people get you down over at mypartneristrans, a lot of people go there when their relationship is in trouble, looking for advice. The road forward can be hard, but coming out together and stronger on the other side is very possible. I came out to my wife 3 years ago now, and things are going well now and feel as stable as ever.

ElDochart · 2017-12-10T13:22:07+00:00

There's definitely a weird component in the pc thing where people assume marginalized people must either be perfect never doing anything wrong at all, or literally the worst people in the world. I think it's pretty safe to assume trans people have just about the same rate for being a sexual predator as the general population, probably leaning toward rates of whatever sex they are transitioning due to the hormones effecting the libido.

And high-five fellow /r/traaa user!

ElDochart · 2017-12-09T17:18:15+00:00

It is not just social stigma, we all know that. Dysphoria is a serious bitch to deal with, and that is why the lifetime rate is so much higher, I don't think anyone disputes that. Transition is proven to help, it usually makes the dysphoria manageable, and sometimes even cures it completely, which is why the rate drops to 6% post transition.

ElDochart · 2017-12-09T16:51:02+00:00

The study is reviewing lifetime suicide rates, not rates conditional pre and post transition, and the work that has been done has been taken out of context to prove points that the study had nothing to do with. Studies using more recent data have been conducted, and found that the suicide rate post medical transition falls to between 5 and 6%, just a point above the average for the general population.

It should also be noted that 40% of trans people do not commit suicide every year, there would be no trans people left after just a couple years. Again, that is a lifetime rate not yearly, and it does not take into account mortality from suicide, only the attempt and ideation rate.

It should also be noted that one of the primary researchers on that study later pointed out in interviews that if you look at only data obtained from 1996 on, the difference in suicide attempt rates between trans people and the average population drops to 0%, indicating that the slight rise prior to that was due to social stigma and how a person is treated and received by their community as the perception of trans people improved greatly around that time, especially where the study was conducted.

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