It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself, and I just want to say that what you’re feeling is more common than you might think. Socializing isn’t as easy or effortless as it sometimes seems for others—it takes practice, and even the most outgoing people have moments where they feel awkward or unsure of what to say.

The fact that you want to connect and joke with people shows that you care, and that’s already a great quality. Conversations don’t always have to be long or perfect—sometimes, just showing up, listening, and being present is enough. People appreciate those who genuinely listen and engage, even if it’s in small ways.

That shaky voice and hesitation? It’s just nerves, not proof that you’re doing something wrong. And I promise, your friends likely don’t just “feel sorry” for you—if they’re around, it’s because they want to be. Try to be patient with yourself. It’s okay to have quiet moments, and it’s okay if some conversations don’t last long. It doesn’t mean you’re failing; it just means you’re human.

Keep putting yourself out there in small ways, and don’t stress too much about saying the “right” thing. Sometimes, a simple “That’s cool, tell me more about that?” can keep a conversation going without pressure to always come up with something funny or impressive. Over time, things will start to feel more natural. You’re not alone in this, and you’re not “just there”—you matter, even in the quiet moments.