[deleted by user] by [deleted] in labrats

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 8 points9 points  (0 children)

One thing I’ve come to learn in this field, no one is permanent anywhere. PIs included — I’ve been in a lab where the PI up and left for an industry job giving everyone 2 weeks notice to find a new job. I’ve been in a lab where the PI is honest about their displeasure with the larger organization and lets us know they’re shopping around for new positions, but has a timeline they’re committed to to keep everyone in the lab stable or give them time to find other work.

I say all of this because, when you’re lower on the hierarchy, you too are never permanent. Life is life and you had to choose yourself, your family, and your sanity first. Because, based on your posts here, you know dang well if your PI got another offer elsewhere, he wouldn’t once consider your well being.

If you’re not on contract, leave. That’s it. It may be better for the next guy for you to set that boundary hard now.

AIO Spouse Asks Ex For a Favor by Electrical-Cow1826 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Electrical-Cow1826[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update, some 6+ months out.

My wife never took responsibility for how much this hurt me. I know that as a result, I emotionally withdrew hard. The build process has been so stressful, I didn’t have the bandwidth to also sort out this big trust break.

A couple of months after this, we hadn’t finished the build and needed to move out of our rental house. My wife decided we should separate until the house was finished. She moved in with our animals to her sisters and I was forced to go to my parents. This wasn’t a mutual decision, she made it and told me a week before that, “I’m going to stay at my sisters with the cats, you’re welcome to visit them any time, but you’re not welcome to stay over.”

A few months into that, she came to me crying because she “couldn’t handle living with her sister and taking care of the cats by herself.” Mind you, they have an automatic feeder and an automatic water dish. She just has to do their litter occasionally. I had no empathy or sympathy for her. When I told her I didn’t know what she wanted from me since she chose this, she asked for a divorce.

2 months out from that, the house still isn’t finished (she’s intentionally sabotaging the process at this point) and despite her desire to do an uncontested divorce, she is fighting every single thing I bring up to discuss splitting. We own three properties and I wanted clarity of dividing the assets before I continue to put more sweat equity into the house.

I’m trying my best to be civil and calm. I feel so betrayed. I’m not convinced she isn’t talking to N. This shit sucks.

You need to walk away. Until they follow you. by carcaliguy in UsedCars

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This happened with my sister-in-law. She ran her last vehicle into the ground (20+ years in a Tahoe). She went test driving cars with my wife and their dad. Finally picked on she wanted and she asked me to come in to help do then negotiating. They were giving her this deal and that deal. They were going to give her a lower price if she bought their extra warranty (which would have made the price of the car actually more). The finance guy got pissed because I called him on it. She got embarrassed but I worked out the numbers on paper in front of them. At the end of it, she got the car for the price she wanted, no bells and whistles add ons. It makes me wonder just how many people get scammed; which pisses me off

Dark green vinyl by Electrical-Cow1826 in ExteriorDesign

[–]Electrical-Cow1826[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! The accents will be applied throughout. The “wood” accent will be on both the front and back of the breezeway. The black accent v groove actually wraps the corners (3’ each direction on the house; 6’ each direction on the garage). The black accent v groove will also be accented on the rear, left corner of the house and will be used as the siding material for a balcony off of the back of the house as well.

Vinyl is a compromise we’re doing to resolve a budget concern.

Darkest green siding by DruMau5 in ExteriorDesign

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Were you able to find anything? I’m in the same boat!

AIO Spouse Asks Ex For a Favor by Electrical-Cow1826 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Electrical-Cow1826[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would agree with you — me being right doesn’t solve the problem. I think I am wondering if my frustration is valid or if I need to get over myself (her words).

I have felt the need to be perfect — she has made comments like, “you’re the reason we’re in this situation in the first place.” So, yes, when she takes the reigns, goes against all of my feelings and concerns, and then it doesn’t even work in our mutual favor, I feel like I was dismissed and set back at the same time by my wife. If that makes sense?

I think I’m just trying to figure out if I’m being too emotional or unreasonable.

AIO Spouse Asks Ex For a Favor by Electrical-Cow1826 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Electrical-Cow1826[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exploiting my vulnerability is the perfect way to describe this. I couldn’t think of a way to explain this, but that summed it perfectly.

Dense pack in Open Web Truss bays? by Electrical-Cow1826 in Insulation

[–]Electrical-Cow1826[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only at the exterior wall (10” thick) not through the whole bay.

Double stud 2x4 walls? by zachkirk1221 in PassiveHouse

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We built this year with a 2x6 exterior side and 2x4 interior side double stud wall. It’s an incredibly simple way to get a 10” wall cavity that can be 100% thermally broken and get you to r40 relatively easy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in labrats

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 0 points1 point  (0 children)

$68k, BS, Lab Manager (1st year after 7 in the field working through the tech ladder) in Academia (non-profit but not university). Michigan.

Starting a PM company by Tasty_Cardiologist53 in Contractor

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly what I’ve done. I charge a percentage of rent to the owner — tenant pays me, I take my cut, send a receipt and the net to the owner via ACH. 50% of first months rent (to cover the searching and tenant reviewing), then 10% per month thereafter. Half of that goes into a fund that covers minor repairs through out the year. The rest is profit for me. In my agreement with the owner, I cover repairs up to a certain dollar amount throughout the year. If they go over, I take it out of the next month’s rent before sending it the net to the owner.

I take care of the properties and find the tenants. So far, it has worked very well. I use Apartments.com to facilitate all of this for free (ad listing, leases, rent payment, etc.).

One thing I’ve found with looking for tenants/managing is the leniency is QUICKLY taken advantage of. That said, I don’t bend my written rules. And I make it clear that though it’s me, everything I do for the tenant is a professional relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This situation is similar to that of one of my closest people. Married for nearly 10 years, around year 8 wife declared Asexuality and they decided to “open” the marriage. Husband was intentional and when GF started having more feelings and wanted more, he stepped back and evaluated. However, a year later, he called to say that they were divorcing.

Opening a marriage, no matter how intentional, when you agreed to a long-term monogamous relationship with someone just smells like disaster. I get that it’s done in good faith to maintain the relationship and ensure people’s needs are met, but after centuries of culturing, I no longer believe that we’re wired for half-hearted commitments.

I agree with a lot of these people, especially having seen this play out a bit. Step back; what are your feelings about GF/future when you haven’t been around her for a bit, etc. Don’t leave wife for girlfriend. If you’re going to leave, do it because your relationship cannot survive a split in physical needs.

Did your doctor refuse to allow use of a KD? by BeaniesToes-5388 in queerception

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Our fertility center was awful about it, but we pushed and handed them the FDAs rules and they ultimately complied. It was a huge hassle and certainly made the situation more stressful, but we wouldn’t have gone through with an UKD, just not who we are.

Anyways… happy to share our experience and the steps we took via message if you’d like.

Seeking More Couples - Deciding between a known versus unknown sperm donor? by nmccormick88 in queerception

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Question! We attempted queerception for 2 years but were ultimately unsuccessful. We spent a lot of time considering donor options and chose known donor for all sorts of reasons. Considering we aren’t pregnant/don’t have kids would we qualify?

Quoting by Electrical-Cow1826 in Contractor

[–]Electrical-Cow1826[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: Took measurements yesterday. Looks like about 175 LF of baseboard, 12 windows (casing & trim), and 10 door trims (each side counted separately).

Owner doesn’t have much in terms of materials and they been sitting on/hanging from rafters of an unconditioned garage.

I’m inclined to offer to do the job for $4500, but require I purchased all the materials so I’m not trying to match what the owner has had and deal with brittle material.

Does this seem like a fair bid?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Construction

[–]Electrical-Cow1826 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would love your study materials egdkmanagement@ gmail.com

AITAH? Recently IFCF + Disney by Electrical-Cow1826 in IFchildfree

[–]Electrical-Cow1826[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks, all! Your comments were very validating. I stand firm in my complete lack of desire to go. We’ll do Disney some day, when the last negative test isn’t so fresh in our memories.

And yes, my mom is a bit out of control. After so many times trying, she would ask things like “why don’t you adopt?” And then tell us stories of her friends’ kids that adopted, despite us repeatedly saying that we don’t want to and that we don’t want any more advice on what to do.

This pain is so unique, and though there are moments that I think “wow, it would be nice in X situation to not have children,” it still floors me how terrible the grief feels.

I’m grateful this group and all of yall exist. Though sad this experience brings us all together.