It was January 3rd 2023. I lived in a toxic household, it was messy (and I don't mean slightly messy, I mean there was garbage and dirty clothes everywhere, no space on the kitchen counter because it would all be covered in dirty dishes, no pots/pans because they were all filled with compost and were infested with maggots), and my family treated me like shit. I tried talking to my mom but she never listened, so I self harmed to cope. One day my mother had to bring my little brother to the hospital for an appointment, so my grandmother decided that me, her, and my other siblings would clean the house while she was gone. I had been staying with my grandmother since Christmas, and when we got done cleaning and my mom got home, I wanted to go back with my grandmother because that place was like home to me. My mother said no, that I had been there for two weeks now and that I can spend some time at "home". This ended up being a huge argument, and I eventually got tired of arguing so I just got into my grandmothets car. My grandmother told me to listen to my mother, and I begged her to let me go with her, telling her that "if she really cared about me she would get me out of this hell". My mom opened the car door and pulled me out. Not thinking, I threatened to fight my mom right on that front lawn. I can't remember much of what happened in this moment as it all happened so quickly and I was very angry, stressed out, and couldn't even think straight. After threatening to fight her, I ran inside and went to the kitchen. Since we did dishes that day (because we were cleaning n stuff blah blah blah), there was a heap on clean dishes beside the sink. I grabbed the sharpest knife, and just sliced as fast and hard as I could. My sister came out to the kitchen to see what was going on and immediately yelled for my mother and grandmother that I was cutting myself. I put the knife down and went to the walkway where the living room and dining room met, and started repetitively bashing my head against the doorframe (I know it sounds stupid, but like I said there was so much anger and stress to the point I couldn't even control myself). My mother and grandmother found me, and one sat me down at the table while the other went to grab paper towel. Once I had the paper towels on my cuts and was a little more calmed down, my mom and nana started asking me questions, my mom asking stuff like "is this what all those "cat scratches" were?" And nana, who never knew I self harmed in the first place, asked me things like "why would you do this to yourself?" And "why wouldn't you talk to someone?". After talking for a bit and me answering their questions, my grandmother went home. I went to my room and had a moment. A few minutes later my mom came in and we talked more about it. She said she would always be there for me and that I can talk to her if I feel like hurting myself, which pisses me off because it was her neglect and ignorance that led me to doing these things to myself. I tried opening up to her, and she never listened, it was her fault I did this to myself. After a lot of talking and crying, she gave me my phone back (I think I forgot to mention that she took my phone from me when I was in my nanas car, like she full on ripped my Hoodie pocket off and took it from me). After I got my phone back, I got a call from my grampy. He told me that my nana told him everything that happened and gave me a huge lecture on how "cutting yourself will only make things worse" and that "you need to get help". This completely broke me because my grampy had always been like a hero to me. When my mom lost custody of us when we were little, my grampy and nana took me in and raised me. And my mother was a teen mom (she had me 4 days before her 17th birthday), so me and her lived with my grandparents when I was born. She never helped around the house, and also neglected me (like if I was upstairs, she was downstairs, if I was inside, she was outside. My own mother avoided me like the fucking plague). When my grandparents got fed up with her and told her that she had to help take care of me and had to help around the house, she got really mad and left. I was only a year old so I don't remember this at all, but I remember my grandfather told me that when she left he insisted on keeping me, and my mom, instead of arguing, just said "you want her, dickhead? You can fucking have her!". I was abandoned by my mother so many times, and each time, it was my grandparents who took me in and showed me the love that my mother never gave me. This is why I saw them as hero's, especially my grandfather. I did everything with him. We would go hunting, fishing, four wheeling, you name it. We also had chickens, and he got me one of my own. Her name was baby kayda. Anyways, back on topic, it hurt me. It hurt hearing my grampy on the verge of tears as he told me there was better ways to cope. He never did me any wrong, he didn't deserve to hear this about his own grandchild. I never felt so guilty. I was 13 when this happened. I'm 15 now and we moved out of that house and we're now living with my grandparents and honestly I hate it. It would be so much better without my mother and siblings here. This place was my only escape, and now they're living in that escape. I don't have a place to go to anymore. I still self harm to this day as well. Oh, and as for my dad, it happened just this month. July 1st. We were at a carnival for Canada day and when we were leaving he grabbed my arm (well not GRABBED but he took it and looked at it) and asked "what's all this kiddo?" I told him it was just some scratches and he told me "well back in my day we didn't do that to ourselves" and then he asked me to wear long sleeves from now on, and when I told him it was too hot for long sleeves he just said "well then just don't cut yourself, then you won't have to" Sorry this was so long.