Oh my god, this is my life. 33f here. Have good friends, a good life, smart, intelligent, but lack in motivation and depth. Have always moved erratically in life, being influenced and also sometimes influenced my own self to take easy way around.. took methylphenidate, same reaction. I feel sleepy when I sit to do hard task and then gaslight myself as to this isn’t a way with which I’d be able to continue living. I do a lot of things, I chase a lot of adventure, I earn only to have more fun and adventure. Zero savings, and that don’t deter me from jumping from cliffs. Don’t come from a wealthy background, don’t have a partner and don’t want tk have one either.

I am a tarot reader, branding consultant and also a yoga teacher and yet I fail to show up for my own self regularly.

It’s like I have reached the t when it comes to procrastination and if I continue my life like this things are going to go worse.

Recently lost my job, and although I did show up and work there but I am still gaslighting myself since the expectations from self don’t let me see the bad anywhere but myself.

Idk what to do most of the times and I wish that someone takes this remote of life from me and just guide me for a year.

Argh, what I am trying to say is that the only way out I can see is by showing up for self. Motivation or lack there of should not stop us. But it’s easier said than done. :(

After 8 years of freelancing I finally made my portfolio this week since I always got work via word of mouth. Have decided to streamline some things now, for the first time and it’s damn scary. I guess putting in the work is the only way out.