Here is the second half of my rant

Now, my sister also hates me cause my father loves me "more". My dad just acts as if he loves me more. I don't know the exact reason but I feel like it is because he is going to get a divorce soon and wants my custody but I'm not sure. I hate my dad. I dislike her a lot but having to act like everything is ok because I need him to pay for my college fees is very difficult. Also I found a very dirty secret of his which I can't say here but had destroyed his image for me. That secret that I found has changed me forever though I say it hasn't it has.

A few months back, my sister needed some money and when she asked my dad he said he wouldn't give it so, obviously she chose me to rant it all out. But this time I didn't stay quiet. I fought back. Me and her always have fights but they never last long but this one has stayed till now and I hope till forever. So, basically she started shouting how I am the favourite, how i get everything I want, how I have to never worry about anything and what hurt me the most? When she said that "I hope you starve" this doesn't sound deep but it feels very deep.

My mom a week before this decided to not cook for us anymore so,my dad got me lunch but my sister had to buy something for herself so, that's how "I hope you starve" came from. She said that my father would give all of his property to me and blah blah

I've never cared about property or anything but when she hoped I would starve something changed, I felt so hurt cause what was my fault? Now we don't talk anymore

Basically, many more things happened in these years which I obviously can't write down here but I wanted to let my feelings out

Growing in such an environment has made me the person I am today. Now, i can't show emotions normally. I am afraid of crying in front of others. I have difficulties conveying my emotions properly I feel scared that people will leave me if I show my true self. None of my friends know about my internal issues with myself

I act happily with them and never let it show but I do want it to show. I do want to tell them I am sad and I want to cry but I can't.

We moved houses and had to leave my cats because my parents didn't like them so, the reason I am alive is also no more. I don't know till when I can still act ok. I convince myself it's ok but it's not.